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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Met a wonderful man. But...

256 replies

Hadharra · 31/01/2022 06:51

He smells! I don't know what it is, but it's almost like mould. He showers once a day and twice if he's been at work. When I've spent a few days with him his hygiene is impeccable. I'm not sure if it's because he eats a lot of garlic, has a mould problem, or leaves his hair wet etc, but I don't think I can do it. Wtf do I do? I can't dump someone I Really like and could actually see myself settling down with, who my son likes, because he smells? Do I tell him? Ffs this is so daft!

OP posts:
Sausagedogsarethebest · 31/01/2022 07:33

I've had this if I've aired clothes on a rack and folded them before they were 100% dry.

Jewel1968 · 31/01/2022 07:34

Have you had COVID by any chance? I have heard of people finding previously inoffensive smells become gag inducing. Just a thought.

Benjispruce5 · 31/01/2022 07:35

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I’ve notice that your clothes sometimes have a bit of a damp smell.”
Hopefully he’s keen to rectify at this point.
“ It’s ok, it happens if your clothes don’t dry quickly enough, I can show you how to stop it happening.”
Sorted.

AnonyMum21 · 31/01/2022 07:35

Congrats on finding a lovely man … and good luck with resolving this quite straightforward problem.
It might be a little uncomfortable to have the conversation but it’s not an attack on his personal hygiene and I’m sure you will find a way to be sensitive.

Definitely worth trying a heated clothes airer - or even experimenting with a heater turned on in the room while clothes are drying?

DropYourSword · 31/01/2022 07:36

@Toanewstart22

He’s no wonderful op He really really isn’t
Eh?!
GrandmasCat · 31/01/2022 07:36

Why do you need to fix him to make it work? Just move on, this falls under the category of “I don’t like it”. You don’t need to accept the smell or try to change it, especially if it is clear he has good hygiene habits.

We are sometimes not compatible due to natural reasons not just points of view.

steppemum · 31/01/2022 07:36

well, I think if the options are ditch him or have a difficult conversation then you have to have the conversation.

Sit him down, tell him you like him a lot, but his clothes smell.
Apologise and say that you know it is not a nice thing to hear, but if you are going to have a future together, then it needs sorting.

I wouldn't rush in to problem solve for him, I would see what his reaction is.
If it was me, I'd be mortified and together work out what the problem is.
Then solved.
If he goes off in a strop well then you have your answer.

MsJaneAusten · 31/01/2022 07:36

If he’s great in all other ways, I think you need to mention it to him. Just be really honest. “I like you very much and I know your personal hygiene is excellent, but your clothes smell. Will you do a service wash on your machine and get a heated airer?”

userxx · 31/01/2022 07:37

Damp house ?

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 31/01/2022 07:38

I can smell damp a mile away. A friend lived in a flat that had a problem with damp. I could smell it on her clothes no matter how she dried them. Now she has moved into a house with no damp the smell has gone

Guacamole001 · 31/01/2022 07:38

Sounds horrific. And then people wonder why many of us prefer to remain single!

Oddbobbyboo · 31/01/2022 07:38

Oh my goodness I’ve just experienced this myself! He smelt damp and so did his flat. I told him…he bought a heated airer for his clothes, some scented candles and started using comfort. Problem solved.

JustLyra · 31/01/2022 07:38

I bet it’s his washing machine

GreenFingeredNell15 · 31/01/2022 07:40

Definitely worth having a chat. As a PP said, make up a cousin or a neighbour that this happened to and blame the washing machine and slowness of drying the clothes (none of it his fault)

Trudij123 · 31/01/2022 07:41

@Iwonder08

Tell him you think there might be a problem with his washing machine and mould. That you had a neighbour/cousin/colleague who had mould smelling clothes and it was caused by the washing machine and you've noticed his clothes sometimes smells of mould. Tell him how this neighbour you invented fixed the problem. It feels less personal if it is appliance's fault and not just BO
I’d be doing this - don’t blame him, blame the machine. Or grab a washing machine cleaner at the supermarket and give it to him becuase you accidentally picked up a two pack and “shall I just pop it in now?”
Original poster
Hadharra · 31/01/2022 07:42

@Guacamole001

Sounds horrific. And then people wonder why many of us prefer to remain single!
I think having been single for three years definitely makes it harder to deal with but I'm willing to persevere!
OP posts:
lightand · 31/01/2022 07:43

It isnt some sort of medical problem?

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 31/01/2022 07:44

It might be his washing machine and I'll bet he uses those pods for washing them in.
I was starting to notice a smell on some of our stuff that took longer to dry, towels, jeans, sweatshirts etc. A friend suggested it was most likely the liquid washing soap, I switched to powder and the smell went away. A washing machine engineer once told me that powder is also better for the machines too.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/01/2022 07:44

I had that in my old flat as there was nowhere to dry clothes and there was no real heating or space for a tumble dryer. No launderette, either. I cleaned the washing machine every wash, used soap powder instead of liquid, didn't use fabric softener, but nothing could be done in the face of a damp, cold flat.

It was utterly soul destroying. And for me, an artefact of poverty.

I sorted it by moving home. As your new bloke will if he's buying a house.

EishetChayil · 31/01/2022 07:45

@Toanewstart22

He’s no wonderful op He really really isn’t

This is so harsh. The guy just needs a quick word in his ear about drying his clothes.

Porcupineintherough · 31/01/2022 07:46

Well back in the day when I dated I met very few people I wanted to go put with more than once, let alone that I thought were wonderful. So I wouldnt just ditch someone I really liked over something so potentially easy to fix.

byebyecarbs · 31/01/2022 07:47

You could easily find out if it's him or the clothes by smelling some of the clothes that he's not wearing (ie the ones in his wardrobe).

If I forget about clothes in the machine and then dry them they have this smell so I just wash them again.

I wouldn't give up on a man who ticked every other box because of something that's so easy to fix,

Original poster
Hadharra · 31/01/2022 07:47

@lightand

It isnt some sort of medical problem?
Highly doubt it. It doesn't smell like a human smell
OP posts:
steppemum · 31/01/2022 07:49

Or grab a washing machine cleaner at the supermarket and give it to him becuase you accidentally picked up a two pack and “shall I just pop it in now?”

see, I really hate this, to me it feels passive aggressive, even though done in a nice way. Same with all the 'pretend it is you cousin who had same problem'

You want a long term relationship with this guy, don't begin by being too coy to talk openly with him about something. Just say it, say it nicely, but just say it, otherwise he is left wondering wtf is going on. And the idea that you as a grown woman have to somehow put his machin on a hot wash as some suggested, or put buy and use a washing machine cleaner is frankly pretty offensive, it is treating him like a child.

HappyAsASandboy · 31/01/2022 07:49

It will be his clothes - not using enough detergent in each wash is my guess.

For those saying about leaving things sitting in the machine too long; they don't get smelly if they're washed properly with the full dose of powder. If they're properly clean then even leaving them 24 hours waiting to be hung up won't make them smell.