Would this bother you or am I being precious?

[PossiblyDreaming]

Last week I went out for dinner with my boyfriend and his old uni housemates. They haven’t all been together for a couple of years due to Covid and had never met me before but they were all very welcoming and friendly.

Boyfriend asks waiter to take a photo of us all and the next day he puts it on Facebook with the comment “Edinburgh Uni housemates from 2005, haven’t we all done we’ll considering what a bunch of drunken idiots we were back then” then lists them L-R as Dr John Smith and wife Dr Jane Smith, Dr Steve Jones and wife Dr Stephanie Jones etc. all around the table until he get to himself “Dr Mark Jones and partner Ms PoosiblyDreaming”. There were 16 of us altogether and every one of them has a Phd apart from me who doesn’t even have A levels. I just felt it really stood me out and that if he was going to do a post like this there was no need to include me as I wasn’t one of his uni mates and anyone looking at it is going to immediately spot that I’m the only idiot there.

I’m possibly being over sensitive. I hate the fact I never had a chance to do A levels or go to uni as I had to be a carer for my dad from age 12. It just made me feel a bit shit. I feel daft raising it with boyfriend as he undoubtedly thought nothing of it whatsoever and it certainly wasn’t done maliciously.

What a bizarre thing for him to do. But talk to him about it, tell him how it made you feel, see what he says. He obviously thinks you're clever enough and good enough to go out with, so I wouldn't read too much into it, though.

You are probably being over-sensitive about it because of your background. I'm sorry - that sounds very hard.

Do you think that taking formal exams now would help or make you feel better? Or doing a degree or taking career-related courses?

Well, not having a PhD doesn't make you an idiot!

I don't think anyone will think anything of it - there are far more people without PhDs than with them. Some of those without might well have been perfectly able to achieve one from an intellectual point of view, but circumstances might have prevented it or they simply weren't interested.

I think I wouldn't want to be with someone who posts 'haven't we all done so well... dr, dr, dr, knob...' how embarrassing

I think you’re being a bit over sensitive; I guess he wanted to show how well they’ve all done to get phds and they have done well but that doesn’t mean you haven’t done well just because you don’t have one

It was a wanky bragging post but don't feel bad for not having a PHD!!

You was a cater for your dad. That is amazing. It's not all about our qualifications. That said it is never too late to go into education. There are loads of routes into such as access courses. apprenticeships.

You're Howard Wolowitz

No seriously though, it was a dick move on his part.

Why didn't he just tag everyone rather than type their names?

He's being a dick

Not sure I could be with someone who felt the need to post such a wanky/bragging post.
I bet most people who read it were cringing. I'd certainly wince if a friend posted something like that and the only reason I'd pity you, is because you're dp I clearly a smug nob

Sorry, pressed send too soon!

Giving up the things that you may have wanted to do to be a carer for your Dad says many lovely things about you - please don't let this bring you down.

In your position I'd explain how it made you feel, if he's decent he'll understand and apologise.

• your dp is Sorry, autocorrect fail!

Quite honestly he sounds a right twat.

He sounds like such a pompous wanker 😂
But no, I wouldn’t be upset personally by it.

I would find the bragging really off putting tbh. I wouldn't care about not having a phd.

anyone looking at it is going to immediately spot that I’m the only idiot there

I don’t think I’d even have thought anything of it. I don’t think most people would ‘spot’ you as an idiot - I don’t have ‘Dr’ to my name but I’ve got a decent degree. No one can tell from that FB post that you didn’t go to university or had a disrupted education.

He loves you and included you.

My dad is a medical doctor and he never goes out of his way to tell people.

Your partner I hate to say it, is what my dad and his friends (all drs) call “show drs”. People who go out of their way to mention their doctorate etc.

I’ve never once heard my dad or any of his friends introduce themselves as Dr -. It seems more common amongst PhDs to mention it over medical doctors. It’s embarrassing.

In your chosen field you could be at the top of your tree!! But all he’s done is label their success from uni -
Mine without a phd would read

10 gcse at c or above
NNEB diploma
Cycling proficiency
Cadbury’s poetry runner up
First place in junior 4 fancy dress

I think it’s unbearably cringe that he felt the need to show of their dr status when it’s totally not relevant to the situation.

Most people I work with have PhDs. Only the knobs ever mention having one on social media. I get why this would be hurtful for you, and it really wasn't very kind of him.

Im cringing for him. If i saw a post like this id see it as very pretentious.
Does this boasting not turn you off op??

If having a Phd turns you into a big headed show off like your fella, be glad you DON’T have one.

The meet up was about him and his old Uni pals, so I think you’re being over sensitive .

He sounds like a wanker. I bet the others were embarrassed (or they’re wankers too).

Why is it hurtful? They have the title of Dr, so that's a truthful post, they're basically how l read it taking the piss out of themselves, 'look what drunken idiots we used to be, now we're adults we're laughing at our past selves'. So they can't be proud of their achievements?