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Original poster

Would this bother you or am I being precious?

170 replies

PossiblyDreaming · 29/01/2022 11:50

Last week I went out for dinner with my boyfriend and his old uni housemates. They haven’t all been together for a couple of years due to Covid and had never met me before but they were all very welcoming and friendly.

Boyfriend asks waiter to take a photo of us all and the next day he puts it on Facebook with the comment “Edinburgh Uni housemates from 2005, haven’t we all done we’ll considering what a bunch of drunken idiots we were back then” then lists them L-R as Dr John Smith and wife Dr Jane Smith, Dr Steve Jones and wife Dr Stephanie Jones etc. all around the table until he get to himself “Dr Mark Jones and partner Ms PoosiblyDreaming”. There were 16 of us altogether and every one of them has a Phd apart from me who doesn’t even have A levels. I just felt it really stood me out and that if he was going to do a post like this there was no need to include me as I wasn’t one of his uni mates and anyone looking at it is going to immediately spot that I’m the only idiot there.

I’m possibly being over sensitive. I hate the fact I never had a chance to do A levels or go to uni as I had to be a carer for my dad from age 12. It just made me feel a bit shit. I feel daft raising it with boyfriend as he undoubtedly thought nothing of it whatsoever and it certainly wasn’t done maliciously.

OP posts:
CheesusWept · 29/01/2022 15:56

I can’t believe he actually posted that 😂

I’ve got second hand embarrassment for him.

whiteroseredrose · 29/01/2022 15:59

When you listed it I didn't notice that you were the only non PhD. Just that you were a partner, not married.

I think you are over thinking it.

queensonia · 29/01/2022 16:08

The post was specifically about how well his pals had done despite being drunken idiots which is why he included all the PhD details. It reads to me more like he was celebrating how life turns out in a quite self deprecating way rather than outright bragging. He was bigging up his friends as much as himself too. I can understand why you might feel like an under achiever in that context but I’m positive that’s not how it was intended. If he actually wanted a partner with a PhD he wouldn’t have had far to look. You were never one of those drunken idiots in the first place so you have nothing to prove. Be proud of who you are - you are one of a kind

scorpiogirly · 29/01/2022 16:08

I don't think there is anything wrong with this. I was expecting to read that he had left you out.

Shinydiscoballs1 · 29/01/2022 16:09

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

It was a wanky bragging post but don't feel bad for not having a PHD!!
Great description!! Yes very wanky I'd be put off by the caption rather than how he put you on it
Siepie · 29/01/2022 16:17

anyone looking at it is going to immediately spot that I’m the only idiot there.
I and most of my colleagues have PhDs. Plenty of them are idiots (not me of course Wink ) But seriously, I don't know anyone with a PhD who judges other people for not having them. Outside of academia, I think some people see a PhD as some sort of award for high intelligence. But really it's just a title given to people who chose a certain educational/career path.

Gilda152 · 29/01/2022 16:22

@Siepie

anyone looking at it is going to immediately spot that I’m the only idiot there. I and most of my colleagues have PhDs. Plenty of them are idiots (not me of course Wink ) But seriously, I don't know anyone with a PhD who judges other people for not having them. Outside of academia, I think some people see a PhD as some sort of award for high intelligence. But really it's just a title given to people who chose a certain educational/career path.
All the people I know who have PHDs have been utterly lovely with not even the slightest air of pomposity the only character trait they share is being quite low confidence and questioning themselves a lot (a bit anxious) maybe that's what completing a piece of work like a PHD does to people?! It's a mammoth task and a labour of love by all accounts , so kudos to them I say
CorsicaDreaming · 29/01/2022 16:24

Most people who don't have PhDs will probably assume they are a bunch of medics! And that would make you the only sane one at the meal 😉

People with PhDs often make a big thing about the Dr thing because it's such a hard slog getting there and people can sometimes not believe they finally made it (and they've often had more than one crisis point along the way when they very nearly didn't) - so It's more about him saying "wow we were such drunken idiots then - can't believe we finally got it together."

Than him meaning to have a go at you at all. Or being thoughtless about your feelings.

EezyOozy · 29/01/2022 16:29

What a total prick tagging them all as Dr. I'd rather be phd-less than be a total fucking fanny.

CorsicaDreaming · 29/01/2022 16:34

@Gilda152 - totally agree with your post.
Sums it up perfectly.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/01/2022 16:48

I read it a bit differently, I thought he was joking around actually and giving them their formal "grown" up titles which make them sound much older, whereas he knew them at 19/21 year old mates down the pub.
Also he mentions you and calls you his partner, which is nice and I think anyone reading this would think, if they thought about it at all, that you work in a different industry, non medical for eg... not that you did'nt have a phd.
These people had advantages that you didn't have growing up and you did the best you could in very difficult circumstances. Exams aren't everything and education is a life long process. Try not to be unhappy about a picture, which is like an old newspaper, gone and forgotten a short time later.

Dontbeamugallyourlifesucker · 29/01/2022 17:17

Op ❤️🙏 you sound lovely.. I would rather be in your company than your snobby boyfriend and his snobby mates 😉 he is a knob! and you are too good for him Flowers

MichelleScarn · 29/01/2022 17:21

Am now starting to think have missed a post where the bf and his mates have been dicks and snobbishly mocked the op.
Or is this all still projection on the fact the bf has mentioned people with the Dr in their name?

Moooning · 29/01/2022 17:34

Using the Dr prefix outside of academia or professional communication is just criiiinge IMO. I have a PhD in health sciences but only use Dr when absolutely necessary, even in work... Otherwise I'm afraid one day someone might mistake me for a medical doctor and then I'd be screwed Grin

Rosynose · 29/01/2022 18:09

Not read whole thread but Jesus you lot are miserable. If you can’t be proud after a phd, when can you. I think there’s nothing wrong with it, I think you are being precious. Did you have a good night with them all? Did you feel welcome? That’s what matters. The post is a bit of fun.

Rosynose · 29/01/2022 18:13

Inverted snobbery certainly comes to mind here at the calling them knobs.

UnsuitableHat · 29/01/2022 18:15

Don’t know about oversensitive but it was a weird way for him to label the pic- could just have used his mates’ names.

SilverOtter · 29/01/2022 18:17

I think you are being over sensitive. However, I also think if I was in your shoes the wanker behaviour would've put me off him - what a braggart!🤢

Rosynose · 29/01/2022 18:26

It sounds like a silly fun post. And presumably it’s to share with a group of family/friends? Again, I think this is actually pretty snobby to say people can’t be proud and lighthearted about achievements. I’d be happy that I was a part of the evening. It’s not his fault you don’t have a phd. And it would be worse if they all said oh let’s keep quiet so we don’t offend his partner. That’s even worse. No one cares. They probably took you for you? Don’t create problems where there aren’t any,

daisychain01 · 29/01/2022 18:28

@Rosynose

Not read whole thread but Jesus you lot are miserable. If you can’t be proud after a phd, when can you. I think there’s nothing wrong with it, I think you are being precious. Did you have a good night with them all? Did you feel welcome? That’s what matters. The post is a bit of fun.
Totally misses the point of the thread

Being proud of a PhD isn't the point, it's the fact the OP was the only one without a PhD and singled out on SM as not being a member of the "aren't we so incredible clever and smug" club.

CatherinedeBourgh · 29/01/2022 18:41

I wouldn’t bother me one bit. I would be the one without the phd (because I decided after my masters that I’d had enough of that) and am totally happy with my decision, so why would it bother me?

Unless your bf is aware that the level of education you have is a major hang up for you, I can’t see why it would occur to him that it would be a problem. It would have been much worse to leave you out imo.

billy1966 · 29/01/2022 18:53

@Regularsizedrudy

I think it’s unbearably cringe that he felt the need to show of their dr status when it’s totally not relevant to the situation.
What a wanky thing to do.

OP, he is rude and obtuse.

I would get the ICK so quickly from that.

Move on.

You deserve better.Flowers

billy1966 · 29/01/2022 18:55

If he had put a picture up without you and done this, it would be fine, but to take such a rude pop at you is awful.

Twat.

Lampan · 29/01/2022 18:58

I think you are overthinking it.

But I also think he sounds like a knob.

Rosynose · 29/01/2022 19:01

How on earth was she singled out? I think this is so over the top.

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