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Original poster

I've slept on the sofa for the last 5 nights..

268 replies

bogie · 25/01/2022 20:14

My DH had a breakdown, he never usually even raises his voice but out of nowhere he just started screaming really really hurtful things.He basically said his life is a mess and he wholly blames me. He can’t explain what I’ve done to upset him but he was screaming at me to fuck off and leave him with the kids. Nothing provoked this we were having a lovely day it was completely out of the blue.

I can’t shake what he said out of my head and I haven’t been able to speak to him about it because every time I even think about speaking to him I get so angry/upset that I know it’s pointless I will just start to cry. I haven’t spoken a word to him since Saturday.

I just don’t know what to do, I can’t just live on the sofa forever but we have 3 kids here and so many bills that I can’t afford to move out. I want him to be happy and after what he said I fee as though I’m causing him to be depressed.

He has been to the Dr and been prescribed anti depressants. (He didn’t tell me this just didn’t go to work and left his signed off work sheet on the table when he came into the house.) So I’m hoping they’ll help him but it’s not going to make me forget what he said and I don’t know if I’ll ever see him in the same way again.

I fee so lost, like for 20 years he has been pretending to be happy.
Any ideas?

OP posts:
me4real · 25/01/2022 22:35

I think it's gone beyond 'have a little chat to his doctor' if he's been running up and down the road saying he's going to top himself.

This is urgent.

Even if it does turn out it's all bluff due to an affair or whatever, it's worth taking seriously at this stage.

BoredZelda · 25/01/2022 22:50

Hmm...sorry you're going through this OP but honestly it sounds like he is being an inconsiderate, abusive twat.

Did you read the word “breakdown” and misunderstand?

StellaGibs · 25/01/2022 22:54

OP you need to contact your local crisis team, if you type in where you live and mental health crisis team you should be able to find something. It sounds like he's in crisis or like you say, there's something wrong in his brain that's causing this out of character behaviour.

Maybe a bit left field, but any chance he's got COVID or has he had it recently? It can cause psychosis/delirium in some people.

whynotwhatknot · 25/01/2022 22:55

it does sound like some sort of pranoia psychosis hes convinced youve done something my cousin had schizophrenia she used to have break dowsn lik this and accuse people of doing things

did he actually explain to the doctor or just said he feels down-it doesnt sound like depression

Eatsleepgamerepeat · 25/01/2022 22:56

There will be an affair OP. This is how it begins.

Stop trying to fix him and start getting your affairs in order.

StellaGibs · 25/01/2022 22:57

You need to act as urgently as possible. He's talking about harming himself but he's also being erratic towards you and around children too. If you want to you can ring your local 101 about it as police can detain under the MHA if they feel concerned. That or your local mental health crisis team ASAP. You can also take him to A&E, but I doubt he would cooperate when he's being erratic.

Edie1980 · 25/01/2022 23:01

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StellaGibs · 25/01/2022 23:04

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slaybell · 25/01/2022 23:06

How long has he been on the anti depressants? The first two weeks are rough and I went completely loopy on one lot.

I know he has issues with depression but if this extreme behaviour has come from nowhere then it could be a reaction to the medication. By no means is this excusing it but it could go some way as to an explanation.

It does sound like he needs some proper psychiatric help, either until the medication stabilises or they find one more suited to him.

I agree with PPs, he is not safe to be around your children in this state.

justasking111 · 25/01/2022 23:08

@MrsTrumpton

Is he hiding something from you like massive debt or an affair that's ended? Something that's been stressing him out to the point he's suddenly flipped into abuse because he can't bring himself to tell you what's wrong? Not excusing his behaviour for a second, he's being out of order and I couldn't stay with a sulker, but having read your previous post it does sound like it's so out of character that I wonder if there's a secret he's not sharing. Especially as his mood doesn't extend to how he's dealing with the kids. In the meantime, take care of yourself and no matter what make sure you and the children are safe. Flowers
I was wondering about this scenario, money problems@bogie talks about so many bills that alone would stress me out.
MNHQ
HopeMumsnet · 25/01/2022 23:10

Hi Edie1980,
Welcome to MN, but could you please start a new thread rather than posting on an existing one?

ThreeLocusts · 25/01/2022 23:11

So sorry OP. He sounds unhinged to me - late onset/undiagnosed bipolar disorder? A really bad reaction to the antidepressants or another medication?

Or - sorry to scare you, and this is wild speculation - a brain tumor? My friend died of brain metastases last year and the first signs were behavioral abnormalities. Alzheimers can also lead to near-psychotic states early on.

Really sorry to come along with these big words. It just sounds to me like he's really not himself. I hope you find the cause right speedily and it can be addressed.

oatmilk4breakfast · 25/01/2022 23:13

OP somethings up - I did this a bit when my hormones were everywhere with my thyroid. There’s something wrong and he needs to have some fucking respect for you and find out what it is.

KurtWilde · 25/01/2022 23:14

@Eatsleepgamerepeat

There will be an affair OP. This is how it begins.

Stop trying to fix him and start getting your affairs in order.

Sorry but, no. This man is clearly having some very serious mental health issues and has a wife who is frightened for him. She's not trying to 'fix him' she's trying to help him.
Thirtytimesround · 25/01/2022 23:15

OP I’m so sorry!

I do think the most likely thing is that there is something physically wrong with him. The only guy I know who went this nuts turned out to have a brain tumour. Didn’t find out til his wife had fled his sudden rages.

I don’t know how you can get him to a doctor though. Maybe talk to his family and say you’re worried and ask them to spend more time with him to see if he’s rational with them or if they see a change in him too.

tkwal · 25/01/2022 23:15

When you first get put on anti depressants you should be warned that they can take a few weeks to kick in. Also, different types suit different people, they can exacerbate symptoms, they can cause over reactions or even psychosis. He may need to have his prescription changed. None of which excuses how he has made you feel, you need support from friends, family or even approach a mental health charity or the samaritans

StellaGibs · 25/01/2022 23:18

When I started Sertraline I made two attempts on my life, I have since found others that agree with me but I'm not allowed to touch that one again. Like others have said, if he was already in a bad place the antidepressants could tip him even further. I needed a place to be kept safe (mental health ward) whilst that passed...

scaredsadandstuck · 25/01/2022 23:32

I think some PP haven't understood some key points here - firstly this happened on Friday or Saturday. Since then he has been behaving normally to the children but not the OP. He has been to see the GP in the last day or so and been given anti depressants. None of this is happening 'live' as it were so he doesn't need an ambulance etc.

Trilley · 25/01/2022 23:33

He does sound delusional - he probably still thinks you have done whatever it is that he couldn't remember. This is a little reminiscent of what happened with a friend's husband - they were happily married, then suddenly he accused her of poisoning the trees in their garden and all sorts of other weird crimes. He had a total breakdown and had to give up what had been a high-powered well-paid job. It was really very sad because he wouldn't get treatment and it broke up their marriage. At least your husband has taken the first step by seeing a GP, and perhaps you can build on that.

GrannytoaUnicorn · 25/01/2022 23:33

@Eatsleepgamerepeat

There will be an affair OP. This is how it begins.

Stop trying to fix him and start getting your affairs in order.

"Coat on, coat off, coat on, coat off"

"Running out onto the street and back in, saying he's going to mill himself"

No, this is really NOT how it begins Hmm

GrannytoaUnicorn · 25/01/2022 23:34

*kill

candycane222 · 25/01/2022 23:34

Sequence of events is not 100% clear to me,.but have you said anything to the kids about this and asked if they are ok? They must be terrified, surely? They need to know the situation is at least a little bit under control.

CandyMan89 · 25/01/2022 23:38

I really feel for you Op. You didn't deserve that. The issue lies with your husband. Has he ever been a talker? Or someone that bottles everything up?

midlifecrash · 25/01/2022 23:41

If the go has just handed him ads after that he needs to go back. As others have said there could be a physical cause. Delirium is not always florid it can be withdrawn. He needs bloods and urine test

Karwomannghia · 25/01/2022 23:43

Agree with other posters he’s not well and probably terrified.