i don`t think i can take this much longer

[mummyofaprincess]

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

AMR he used to slag his best mate off to me and his family about having GFs to young for him 17-18 and there he goes and does the same thing.

It wouldnt suprise me if he traded her in when she was 21 for a younger model, as long as he dont go having kids left right and centre!!

Hi ginnedup how are you

It does make sense what you said, but i don`t think he does believe he has done the wrong thing.

If he thought that wouldnt he be letting me know somehow?? i dont know!

forgot to mention he called earlier and asked how i was and even told me his two days off so he can see DD i was a bit to be honest!

I wont believe it till he turns up, thats why i never tell DD that he`s coming.

It was awfull last night DD woke up crying for daddy

I'm doing well thanks MOAP. Day off today so I should be doing housework but can't be arsed!! DS2 back at school so having a bit of me time after a weekend of being nurse!
Poor dd crying for her daddy at night. You should tell him she does that. Keep reminding him what he's doing to her. I'm sure he'll bury his head in the sand and not listen but one day it might just sink in.
Hope you have a good day.x

Hi ginnedup i`m glad your DS2 is better now

I did the housework yesterday with DD, she loves helping out

DDs better aswell so back at nursery for her aswell!

I will tell him, but like you say he just burys his head, that or he has a big smile on his face and says to DD have you been missing daddy?? (he gets on my bloody nurves!)

I hope i have a better week this week, at least i can get out and about, as DD was so ill last week i couldn`t even go to the shop or anything.

"I will tell him, but like you say he just burys his head, that or he has a big smile on his face and says to DD have you been missing daddy?? (he gets on my bloody nurves!)"

So instead of seeing that he is causing his daughter pain he just thinks it is cute that she is missing him? I'm guessing his IQ isn't all that high you know.

How have you managed not to slap him yet?

AMR LOL

Only in my dreams i`m afraid!

Alough im sure he wouldnt blame me if i did slap him

Hi Moap - there is a thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/66/472113?stamp=080205143232 where I think it's a magazine looking for people in your sit, whre the dp left in the last stages of preg. Have a look, you might be able to get back at him a bit!

Oh and you might get paid!

Public humiliation of MoaP's XP.

Cool.

Oh, that is so good! Love the public humiliation, the 'outing' of him! You are a very sympathetic victim (largely pregnant, small child) while he is acting like a fool single guy with no responsibilities and no guilt.

You and the writer have the two long threads to go through because that tells how you felt then. Once I had a minor car accident, I was rear ended. I kept a daily diary of the weeks following relating what/where my pain and stiffness were like, what intensity, what I did for it, doctor visits, what pain meds I took, what I was able to do/not do (mostly laid on couch). Anyway it was a big help in getting a settlement. Much better than saying, "well, it hurt a lot but now it is better". Summary: a record of what happened really helped. I hope you go for it!

I like it how are you today MOAP?
Hopefully I will catch up with my email tomorrow. Hope all going well. xx

Hi MOAP just checking in to see how things are going.

Sorry I've not been around much lately but I've been rushed off by feet..work is a nightmare, DS is acting up..arrrgh.

captainmummy's link sounds like a great idea, who knows, you may find it cathartic and make some money out of it to boot which will help with the wee one.

Sad but not surprised that your XP is still acting like a complete arsehole. He really does sound like a big stupid kid who has no concept at all of the pain he's caused.

Hope your pregnancy is going well and glad your DD is feeling better.

Are you all right MoaP?

have emailed you .

Hi everyone

Feeling very down to be honest.

DD is still a bit ill, she`s crying loads and wont tell me whats the matter, i really wished she would talk to me.

I just want to run away and never come back, i hate all this, and it doesn`t look like it will get any better.

I just want to turn the clock back, but i can`t and i feel like it will never get batter.

DD was up 5 times last night, just crying out for me.

The school have told me she`s all over the place.

XP has been to see her today, i asked him if he thought the LO was a mistake he said yes, and that the timings all wrong, i just looked him in the eyes called him a wanker and said how are you ever going to look this LO in the eyes when its older, this LO can never find out what he really thinks, and i hope he doesn`t treat them any different.

All he did while he was here was text her, and he had only just dropped her off at work!

Why do i bother trying to get him to have a relationship with DD, he wants to take her out yet he can only spare a couple of hours to see her now and he even has the cheek to sit there texting away!

I HATE my life

I thought you had already been over this with him: when he is there, the phone is turned off. Don't let him get by with it. He's is such a loser! You really are better off without him.

What about telling your story to that writer?

Maybe your DD would let her feelings out if you acted out feelings with dolls? There's a doll representing Mum, Dad, Little Girl. You could have a cardboard house with boxes for furniture. She might be a little young for it but you could try. Little Girl would be the focus of most stories--just as children are the center of their own world.

He gets to you. Maybe you could visualize a glass shield around yourself. He can't get through. You could just look at him objectively, observe the way he acts as if you were just observing a scene.

Your life IS good. You are getting along fine, taking care of DD by yourself, anticipating new baby. You are better off having him gone now rather than waste more of your youth with him.

I have no idea what your present home is like, but know that you have a 40 minute walk to get DD to school. Do you think you'd like to move to someplace on a busline? It would be a fresh start, and you could hop on a bus and go anywhere.

I have told him endless amounts of times about his phone, hes just taking the piss now isnt he!

I am so hacked off right now with him, hes just totally selfish and he cant see it can he?

Thank you hansiemom i will try that with DD i think she will like that and it might just work

I really do want to move away from this home, the once OUR home

I have been looking and observing him, he`s just got no get up and go in him iyswim, its like an effort to do anything with DD

He was yawning away and acting ill yesterday

God knows what they have to say to each other when they have spent all day with eachother, she should know he`s with DD and just leave each other alone for a few hours, is that to much to ask for?

No it's not too much to ask for.

They are both being selfish and cruel. She is a stupid stupid stupid evil little bitch to text him and check up on him when he is with his little daughter who is missing him terribly. No one alive would disagree with that statement except the two of them.

I would like to go onto a forum and post a question: What do you all think of someone who does this...and then list all the things the two of them have done. Then we could print it off and send it to them. . XP and OW may think that they are shit hot...but everyone else just thinks they are retarded.

He is taking the piss and being incredibly nasty. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I would like to take that phone of his and shove it up his nose.

I wish he could see DD without you having to have him in your home. Are there not facilities for that? Where mum drops the child off and leaves and dad comes there to see the child? I think for the sake of your own emotional health you need to stay away from him and not allow him in the home.

It is one thing to abandon someone...but to hurt and intentionally disrespect their feelings in their own home is unforgivable.

I will have a look around to see if there is one near my home, i don`t think xp will like it but its not for his benefit its for DDs benefit!
Like you say i wont have to see him then!

I asked him to come at such a such time on saturday and guess what, he said cant you make it after .... time as then i will take her to work and its better all round then, i said no ive said this time and he said but i think its better after this time and totaly ignored me.

He said he will pop in tomorrow, so i will tell him straight its the time i said or nothing and i WILL stick to it, he cant keep treating me this way, ive done nothing wrong here all i want is for him to see DD a bit more before he starts having DD on his own.

I will also say about the phone aswell, if he cant put it on silent then i suggest he doesnt come in, i have said so many times your here to see DD not text her over and over again.

I thought that when they moved in together this would stop as they live and work together, what could they possibly have to say to each other via a text when they see eachother for hours and hours everyday.

I will explain this to him, but i think he has lost his brain somewhere along the line, and this wont sink in.

Maybe him and her are doign this to get to me, yes it does but only for DDs sake, while he`s there texting away DDs waiting for him to pay her some attention.

Whats he going to be like when theres two DCs fighting for his attention?

He is a total idiot but he can`t see it, and possibly never will

The first thing I would say is "your behaviour is damaging DD. It is a well known fact that bereavements such as being abandoned and then ignored by your father can cause a young child in her formative years to have emotional problems. You will stop this abuse of DD".

That statement would be the very first thing I would say. I would say it as soon as I opened the door.

Then I would tell him to grow up and behave like a father. I would tell him, that he needs to:

A. Turn the phone off

and

B. Treat his daughter like a human being.

Then I would tell him that he is not allowed in the house unless he promises to adhere to those rules. I would threaten him with the police for trespassing and I would call the cops if he tried to force his way in or started shouting. The house isn't in his name anymore is it?

If he cannot be bothered to stop texting hobag in order to play with DD then he cannot be bothered to go to court and fight for custody, so don't worry.

You have documentation of his behaviour. You are simply trying to protect your DD and yourself from any further pain.

Hi MOAP so sorry to read the latest instalment of your XP acting like a tosser.

I think for your own sanity and that of DD you will need to lower your expectations of XP. IE Treat him like the brain dead, gormless, teenage idiot he is behaving like (does that make sense)?

For your own sake, stop expecting him to behave like a decent human being because he based on all the behaviour he's shown time and time again he won't do that. Every time you expect or hope he will do the right thing and he doesn't he is able to hurt you and DD. And hasn't he done that enough already?

It is often so much easier when you deal with people how they actually are rather than how you would like them to be. My life has got so much easier since I started doing this.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit bossy, I'm just livid at the way this man tramples all over your feelings again and again.

Don't worry, he will reap what he sows but by then it will be too late and be'll a miserable, lonely loser while you are surrounded by your lovely family.

Please do take care of yourself MOAP we are thinking of you

Sweetheart there already are two children fighting for his attention, your beautiful DD and his skanky girlfriend.

She is 17 a child herself, playing at being a woman and failing.
She wants her plaything to herself, she is not grown up enough to work out that your DD and the baby ARE part of him, not just your children but his too, and even if he marries her and has another 50 children it is always going to drive her mad that your DD is his first (and that is special no matter what) and she and any children she might pop out will be a poor 2nd in all eyes but hers.

I would think she is pulling the strings and that is making him a bigger twat then he already is.

I think you should have at least a chat with the CAB and if he can't/wont be a father off his own back with you trying to be accommodating then let the courts tell him when he can see your children and if he does not stick to it don't let him see them, he will soon work out what he is missing.

Also I think it would be less painful for your DD in the long run to not have him there then to have him there when he cant even behave like a father and not a lovesick 14 year old.

Thank you both

After taking DD to school i went for a little walk just to clear my head, feeling a bit better now

AMR this place is out of his name now, so i can refuse him entry at any time

Janos i think your right, maybe i do expect to much of that idiot, i think its because i used to know him, but that person has gone now

It does make sense what you put, all of it actually

It was hard again last night, DD woke loads and she wouldnt again tell me what she wanted cant believe he has done this to her, i hate him so much for this, but he will never see the hurt she feels as hes not around enough to see it, and even if she did show it i think he would blame her behaviour on something else, its always someone/something elses fault isnt it with that sort of person

Kimi sorry only just read your post...

Well i think she is telling him what to do, pulls his strings etc, but if he lets her then she will carry on, this wont wash with me and i wont let him tell me what he wants to do its on my terms and thats the way it will stay!

She doesnt know what its like to have a child, a child that is missing her daddy so much that she cant even talk to her mummy about it!

It makes me sick, but she`s not all to blame they both are and i dislike them so much for this.

I have told him whats been happening at home/school and i said have you got any ideas and he said i dunno, he called to see how she was today and when i say whats going on he doesnt know what to say, he probably doesnt even know its all his fault.

thinking about everything DD has been through, daddy leaving, new baby arriving soon, school, and all this in the space of months of each other

oh god I so know how you feel...my DD1 though a bit older than yours is struggling too...when she cried the other night cos she upset me and I told him - his response "she's a spoilt brat" ....he just cannot see that it is his fault!!!!!!!!