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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i don`t think i can take this much longer

812 replies

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 20:56

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

OP posts:
ginnedup · 02/02/2008 16:09

HI MOAP. I could slap your ex I really could. Just as you start to feel positive and get on with your life along he comes with his talk of him and the slagbag and pushes you down again.
Its a good idea to let him take dd out. The less you see of him atm the better.
Is dd any better yet? DS2 has got a horrible virus, and he's been up all night coughing and sneezing, poor little thing. I hate it when they're ill, I always wish I could be ill for them
I'm stuck indoors today, exp has taken ds1 to Pizza Hut for lunch but ds2 is too ill so I'm under house arrest. Never mind, plenty of time to come on MN!!
Hope things get better for you soon, I really do!

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 16:31

Hi ginnedup

She`s not 100% yet, shes had it a week now aswell

Its like he wants to drag me down, but im not sure he knows hes doing it!

Ive been stuck in all week with DD so i dont think thats helped lol

All i`ve done today is cry and snap, poor DD

I hope one day she breaks his heart in two like he did to me, how can he be so happy while i`m so down

He said that someone said top him that he only looked about 19 not 26, are they blind??? and then when on to say is that your gf he said yeah, he said that chap said welldone mate

Am i that much of an ugly fat twat then??

I really hate myself right now

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 16:32

I forgot to say i hope DS2 gets better soon, as this cold DDs got had knocked her off her feet for a whole week xx

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 20:00

anyone around?

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 02/02/2008 20:13

I am around. Just saw your message.

I am so sad for you. I cannot believe the nerve of him!! His slagbag is ugly because she is a nasty horrible person who hurts children (and probably puppies). You on the other hand have a heart of gold and that makes you gorgeous!

Right now OW has extreme youth on her side but as one gets older their true self shows through and she will look like the nasty piece of work that she is. When she gets old (as we all do) and loses her looks what will she have left?

You on the other hand will have people's respect and the love of your children. You have a heart of gold so you will always be gorgeous but what will she have when she loses her looks? Nothing. Kind, loving people tend to age better in my opinion.

Please don't let them get you down! You are a 100 times higher class than those two morally bankrupt freaks.

I would love to slap your ex so hard he pees himself.

random · 02/02/2008 20:15

Been following your thread you sound so down ... dont let the twat get you down ..I know its easier said then done but hold your head high hes the loser not you..your dcs will know who has been there for them every day .. I know some people dont like hugs on here but you need one so (((hug )))

ALMummy · 02/02/2008 20:16

I havent read all your thread but I will go back through it. I dont understand why he feels the need to share these things with you. Why would he think that the woman he has left needs to hear those things. I know you have DD with him but cant you just limit contact with him as much as possible? Let him come and pick DD up and then just shut the door in his face. A good relationship is just not possible now so keep it cold and functional. I cant begin to imagine how crap you must be feeling but you will get over it and stop loving him I promise you.

I dont know if this helps but my friend was left in a similar position 6 weeks before her 2nd child was born. He went around telling everyone it was a mutual thing and they had been rowing for ages when she did not know a thing about it until the night he left. This was about 8 years ago. She has her kids, a new fabulous husband, her own house and is working as a counsellor now and is really happy. He is remarried, has an extremely poor relationship with his kids because they think he is a dick, drinks too much and recently had a stroke in the pub and was carried off to hospital after a nights drinking. That Karma is a real bitch isnt it? It will come back on him you know but by then you will be so over him you wont even care. Will read all your thread now. Hugs to you.

lottymadbird · 02/02/2008 20:27

I too havent read all your thread yet but just thought i had to add my words of wisdom after reading your first post just re. the hurt you are going through...

  • of course they look happy. they are just new in the relationship. She's 17. naive. she doesnt really know him yet and he doesnt know her
  • how special can his new relationship be if he is prepared to share details of it with you. hello? it sounds like boasting from a 12 year old to me
  • you and your children will always be a part of their lives (imagine how that will cause problems in the future for them).
  • if he cheated on you he damn well sure will cheat on her

there's probably more but wont rattle on. i've been through this myself and trust me the day he comes running back and says can we try again (and it WILL happen) will be the best day since it all happened, especially when you tell him to b**gger off !

good luck and a big hug.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 20:43

Thank you everyone all ive done is cry and cry today i cant staop.

I can`t eat, and i know i wont sleep.

I`m dreading have two small children aswell

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 20:45

Forgot to add she`s now 18, wow what a big girl.

He even had to get it in what he had brought her, WHY????

He makes me so sick inside, i never thought someone could hurt me so much

OP posts:
ALMummy · 02/02/2008 21:00

Tell him to be quiet. Every time he mentions her say "Be Quiet, I dont want to hear this - your personal life is of no interest to me". Feel free to add "You piece of sht". He sounds like he has the emotional range of teaspoon and she is just a complete fcking idiot, she is a selfish, immature little 18 year old girl who hasnt a clue. Someone will do the same to her one day mark my words but it wont be him because she will have dumped him by then. Dont hate yourself, hate him. Although I know all this is easier said than done.

AnneMayesR · 02/02/2008 21:05

Seriously MOAP. You really have to tell him to shut the fuck up.

Next time he starts...just glare at him for a few moments. Ask him why he wants to tell you this stuff and cause you pain. Ask if he understands the definition of emotional abuse. Ask him if he understands the effect that has on your unborn child.

Then threaten him with the cops if he doesn't leave your house.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 21:08

I have said many many times i don`t want to know and i even walk out the room.

For now he doesnt take DD out as he cant be trusted as he only see`s her a couple of hours a week now (thats what its reduced to)

I do hate myself, and i feel like i`ve done something so bad in my life that he has to do this to me.

I cant cry anymore today, ive run out of tears i think.

I feel so much for my DCs

Hes off out tonight with her, how lovely for him, hes so ill though!!! (yeah of course)

He trys to make me feel sorry for him, but i don`t

I think he`s pushing me little by little over the edge

My friends in RL seem to have gone, and i dont even talk about xp, or maybe they have stuff going on in there life i dont know about

I know the one couple have alot on there plate because of there work, ones lost there job while the other is trying to get out the same horrible place xp works

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 21:13

AMR i do glare at him, i even say i REALLY don`t care your not my problem anymore and still he goes on

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 02/02/2008 21:19

I'm sure you do kiddo!! If he wants to be a dick he will just continue to do so no matter what you say or do.

I just want to come down there and kick his ass so badly. He is being HORRID!!! He's not human.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 21:23

i don`t know where all this has come from either.

They must have a very weird relationship, as he wouldn`t feel the need to talk about his stuff with me.

I just wished he would learn to shut his mouth.

Hes become such a lier aswell, hes not bloody ill, he just didn`t want to see DD!!

I`m such a fool and i know it

How am i ever going to trust him to take DD out if he doesn`t stick to his days and times etc

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 02/02/2008 21:35

I don't know what to say MoaP. I keep hoping and praying (I'm not the religous type but you know what I mean) that you get some kind of a break..that something really good happens for you and DD because you deserve it. I am sure something really good will happen at some point even if it doesn't feel like it now.

I am always around if you need to vent as I am off sick from work. I went off with one thing then messed up my ankle walking the dog so I am not moving around very much...just hanging out on the PC.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 21:37

can i have your email address again, i cant find it any where sorry AMR i know im useless lol

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 02/02/2008 21:40

You aren't useless! I lose everything..party invites for my kids, appointment letters etc. etc. I am so disorganized.

[email protected]

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 02/02/2008 21:51

I`ve added you onto msn if you have it

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 02/02/2008 23:33

Hiya,

I've got MSN never really used it really so I'm not sure how but I will look for you when I am on.

Off to bed now. Have a good night.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 03/02/2008 10:53

Feeling so much better today after a very good nights sleep

Thank you everyone for letting me have a good old rant yesterday, it was much needed, i just felt so low, lower then i`ve felt in a long time!

It is a real shame that i will have to see xp, but i`m sure one day i will have a lovely new man and he will be stuck with her.

God knows how they will ever trust one another lol

DD looks much better today, just she`s got a cough now

DD will be back at nursery tomorrow, so i can come home and have a couple of hours rest, put my feet up and read or something.

Not going to be doing much of that soon

OP posts:
Kimi · 03/02/2008 19:15

Oh sweetheart, I just saw this.
I do not know how many times I have thought your Ex is a sick twisted Fuckwit, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.

You need to tell him that........

A. you are not his partner now and at this moment in time you do not want to be and can not be his friend.

B. You will be civil only for the sake of your children but you do NOT want to hear about his life and his whore.

C. You will allow him to see DD when it is convenient for you, and if he does not turn up then he is risking not seeing his child/children.

I really do think he is sick in the head and getting some sort of kick out of this, but remember HE is in the wrong, the home wrecking leg spreading piece of shit he picked up from the gutter is in the wrong, what they have done is wrong, what they are doing is wrong, they are dirty and skanky.
YOU have done NOTHING WRONG, and there is nothing wrong with you, the way you look or how you treated him.
He is just a weak sad little man that got off on the idea of some little scrubber putting out for him and it has gone too far.

I really feel for you, Email me when you feel up to it, but please take care of yourself and make sure you eat and rest for the sake of your beautiful DD and the new little life you are carrying.

AnneMayesR · 03/02/2008 19:48

I agree with Kimi. The two of them (wank and skank) are a couple of psychopaths.

They are sick and twisted..you have to be to put a pregnant woman and her child through this.

This goes way beyond him just being selfish...the whole bragging thing...it's warped.

MoaP, I still think you had a lucky escape. You don't want a sicko like him wanting to be with you. You are too good for him and he knows it and probably resents it. You are more intelligent and have a better personality. You have more potential as a person. He knows it and it makes him feel like shit. That is why he moved away from you and found some dumb whore from the gutter to be with.

Maybe he doesn't look so bad next to a dumb teenager, but he looks like complete shit next to an intelligent, sweet 21 year old adult.

My gut tells me that he will never stay with any girl once she gets to your age.

ginnedup · 03/02/2008 20:12

I agree with Kimi and AMR 100%.
I don't know why he's still twisting the knife like this, like the others say he's obviously twisted and warped.
My theory is that deep down he's not all that happy with her and is regretting what he's done, but by going on and on about it to you, he's trying to convince himself that he has done the right thing and justify it to himself more than to you. Does that make any sense?
If not just ignore me, I'm sleep deprived and a little bit insane today!!
xx