Husband suddenly changed

[curledupinaball]

Name changed for this. We have been married for 3 years perfect marriage until November when DH appeared to suddenly change.
He kept contacting a female colleague on Whatsapp messaging at all hours all uneventful crap. Near to Christmas I found out he had bought a calligraphy copy of our Wedding poem which I never received and scissors and sellotape were hidden in his car.
We went on holiday at xmas and I was gutted to read a message from her saying she missed him. I challenged him over this and we had a huge falling out with him saying I shouldn't read his phone. He then put a lock on his phone. He was really brutal towards me at the time saying i'd changed etc.
Fast forward to last night he snapped at me and said he didn't want to be with me and it's all my fault. I explained he needed to be honest about OW he again denied anything was going on.
I have been cheated on before and he knows it would break me. He's trying to make me walk isn't he so he can maintain face.
What should I do?

[WallaceinAnderland]

Pack your stuff, tell his parents you are moving out because he is cheating on you. Take your dogs and leave. And never look back. He does not deserve you.

[Theunamedcat]

@WallaceinAnderland

Pack your stuff, tell his parents you are moving out because he is cheating on you. Take your dogs and leave. And never look back. He does not deserve you.

Tell his parents your disappointment in them facilitating his cheating by allowing him to have gifts delivered to their address too

[Sagaris]

Take your time, get your ducks in a row is a popular saying on here. Be cold and calculating but don't give him a clue what's going on. Once you have all the paperwork etc sorted and bills etc all in his name, take some time from work and just move your stuff out - in storage if necessary - then take your dogs and everything else to your mum's. He's a scumbag of the highest order who doesn't deserve a minute more of your time. There is a lovely, bright future out there for you, away from this scumbag. I wish you the best of luck.

[curledupinaball]

Tell his parents your disappointment in them facilitating his cheating by allowing him to have gifts delivered to their address too*

*
I suspect he lied to them too

[PragmaticWench]

Personally I'd move out whilst he was at work one day. I'd order another copy of your wedding poem and leave it pinned to the kitchen table with a carving knife. Should get the point across better than a note.

[BookFiend4Life]

Leave and take the dogs

[SpacePotato]

In his head he has now made you the enemy. The one in the way of him being with this other woman.

Fuck him. You deserve better.

Tell him parents that you want your name removed from the property lease so there is no come back on you.

You have the funds for a new rental. Take the dogs and go.

[Lifeispassingby]

fortunately you are financially Stable enough to move on. You need to get organised and plan ahead before you do anything else. Sort out new rental before you tell him you know. Find a solicitor and give him their details when you leave and let them deal with him, you don’t have to once you walk out that door x

[Slingingcontest]

I'm not supposed to knowabout the poem he ordered it with hiswork email and had it delivered to his parents.

Gosh, that's even worse!

I think, if you possibly can, it might be good to keep your very understandable upset hidden from him as much as possible while you isolate your money and get your documents in order and seek legal advice. I am so sorry op

[SunshineCake1]

I'm so sorry @curledupinaball. Everyone has said all there is to say about him.

Take your dogs, book time off work and go to your mums for a bit. Give official notice to your in-laws for the house too.

[FlyingOink]

OP do you have an income apart from the savings? It's sometimes hard to find a rental property that accepts dogs, so if your mum can't take them and you can't find anywhere you might need to leave them.
I'd make sure you get all the paperwork sorted asap, and move your belongings into storage. Some storage firms give the first month for free. If you share a car then look into getting your own wheels. Worst case scenario you leave the dogs, stuff in storage and rent a room in a shared house short term.
Best case scenario you find an affordable rented place that will take two dogs and just move house. But that might not be possible and you shouldn't hang around if it isn't. It's not good for your mental health to stay living with him.

[FlyingOink]

Also your bills will be higher living on your own, and rents have increased a lot over the last few years. You'd also likely need a dog walker if you work full time. Sit and do a budget and see what you can afford. Your lifestyle is likely to change.

[rrhuth]

@curledupinaball

His parents own our house which we rent off them! Another complication

In a way this is a blessing as you can presumably just walk away? You can explain to them why the relationship broke down and hopefully they will let you out of any agreement.

I am so sorry this has happened to you

[WorkHardPlayHard1]

@Momijin

Leave him. What a bastard to use your wedding poem to woo her. I'd be so tempered to contact her and ask her if she enjoyed the poem you picked especially for your wedding that he had never heard of before. Prick.

Do it! 👅

[curledupinaball]

@FlyingOink

OP do you have an income apart from the savings? It's sometimes hard to find a rental property that accepts dogs, so if your mum can't take them and you can't find anywhere you might need to leave them.
I'd make sure you get all the paperwork sorted asap, and move your belongings into storage. Some storage firms give the first month for free. If you share a car then look into getting your own wheels. Worst case scenario you leave the dogs, stuff in storage and rent a room in a shared house short term.
Best case scenario you find an affordable rented place that will take two dogs and just move house. But that might not be possible and you shouldn't hang around if it isn't. It's not good for your mental health to stay living with him.

I have a job, my own car and my Mum would always have my dogs if needs be, I wouldn't ever leave them

[IwishICouldTurnBackTime]

Instead of YOU leaving, why not try and kick HIM out? He may not go, given it's his parents house, but if he's willing to leave, he will have to tell them why. It won't last of course, as they will want you out, but it may give you a few weeks, or more, while you sort out accommodation for you and the dogs.

[AgathaMystery]

Hmmm. Okay he’s a horrible man.

I would start to get my affairs in order. I would instruct a solicitor. I would get my assets all lined up and I would rent somewhere to live. I would start moving stuff in to my new house & ordering the new things I needed.

I would then self cert for 28 days (new rules mean you can do this) & head to my new house to take deliveries etc. I’d get the dogs used to it to.

Then, on a day of my choosing I would leave. I’d pop by his parents & explain what I was doing and if you’d paid a deposit or anything or a bond on the house, I’d ask for half of it in cash as a goodwill gesture.

I would then block his number completely. All correspondence would be through the solicitor. I would not tell him or his parents my new address.

I would also message the other woman. Tell her she’s welcome to him. That she won’t rest easy, that every time his phone pings she will wonder who it is. That she will always be suspicious of him. Then I would block her number too.

[IwishICouldTurnBackTime]

....ok just seen your post that your Mum would have your dogs!

[CombatBarbie]

@Momijin

Leave him. What a bastard to use your wedding poem to woo her. I'd be so tempered to contact her and ask her if she enjoyed the poem you picked especially for your wedding that he had never heard of before. Prick.

Oh I would def be doing this..... Not far off reusing an engagement ring tbh

[Eddielzzard]

I think your best strategy is to back the fuck off, let him think you've accepted his explanation and watch and wait. Gather what evidence you can, gather documents, get legal advice, get your ducks in a row etc. The longer you can keep control and let him think you're carrying on as normal, the more he'll relax and potentially fuck up.

[Toasterandjam]

Yes that poem gift was a shitty thing to do. I'd also be tempted to let her know that it was your gift to him originally. It just shows what a lowlife he really is. He'll most likely cheat on her too, maybe not for a while but it'll happen. Don't forget that she's better.
I'd make my arrangements, take a days leave and go while he's at work. Yes I'd tell his parents your side first but be prepared for their loyalty to him maybe?
You might not be able to see it now but you'll be OK. Better off than being with a cheating coward.

[curledupinaball]

I need a few days to find original rental agreement and photograph for evidence.

[Reusablebags]

So do you think he gave her a framed copy of your wedding poem?

[cherrypie66]

No kids no reason to even try and fix this. His an untrustworthy arsehole.

[trickytimes]

He’s mucking around. Pack a bag and go to family or friends to clear your head for a few days