Is my husband lying to me about photo found on his phone?

[Lin1276539]

So, I recently came across an image taken from the Internet on my husband's old phone, that he said he only keeps for the alarm, and let's say it was an intimate image of a woman. I then also found the thumbnail of a deleted screenshot of a different naked woman on the old phone. I called him on it and after telling him I was going to check his Google account Internet hisyory, he confessed he looked at these sorts of images daily, and had been doing so for a long time. It took me by surprise as he always said he hated this kind of stuff. My issue now is that a few years ago I found a picture taken from social media of my sisters teenage daughter and her friend standing in their bikinis by a pool, saved on his phone. He told me back then that it must be the 'dodgy' photo editing app he'd installed as he never saved that photo to his phone, and he seemed genuinely perplexed as to how it got there. Am I being an idiot in still believing him or could this genuinely be the truth? I know it sounds bad, but he did have a photo app he was always complaining about before I found that image, and there were some other odd and random images in the app that he said he couldn't understand how on earth they got there? My paranoia is taking over now and I don't feel I can trust him?!? Advice??

What the hell is wrong with these men? They throw their whole life, their families and their kids under the bus for a cheap thrill. I suppose it boils down to the fact they neve think they'll get caught and if they do they just minimise.

@stripeyflowers

What the hell is wrong with these men? They throw their whole life, their families and their kids under the bus for a cheap thrill. I suppose it boils down to the fact they neve think they'll get caught and if they do they just minimise.

That's it precisely.

Although I think some of them don't even think forward to the potential consequences of being found out because they feel so secure in their relationship that it doesn't occur to them that there will be any consequences.

@stripeyflowers I agree with you about men looking at porn etc in general but in this case I think OPs DH is actually worse than most men (I'd like to hope so anyway).....

Wanking over a photo of your niece in a bikini as a much bigger issue than "oh what if my wife finds out I've been fantasising over other women"

It's sick and perverted. Bordering on paedophelia. I don't doubt there is poems/pics of many 17 year old girls online but nobody actually knows their age.

This man knew she was a minor. She is a family member. He's no doubt witnessed her growing up and known her as a young child. Even after saving her photo he has then likely sat opposite her at family dinners, get togethers etc

This isn't a "these men" 🙄 scenario

*porn/pics

Funny these type of men only want help for "porn addiction" after they've been caught for the sleazy creeps they are.

The porn is a deal breaker for me, for other women it's not, that's fine, but trawling social media for photos of your friends and family to knock one out to is probably a deal breaker for majority of women.

I love my sister so much and if she decides to forgive her husband for this I'd not cut her out of my life but I absolutely would if I found out she'd know what her husband did and chose not to let me know so I and my teen could take steps to make sure his chances of saving more photos is reduced such as blocking him on the social media, keeping him away from her altogether and having the choice to decline family invites to avoid him taking sneaky photos on his phone.

Same if a friend knew her dh had been saving my photos of me and didn't let me know so I could my my own choice about blocking him because he's clearly untrustworthy. You know what you know and I hope if you keep him in your life you at least let the women and girls he has disrespected so they can take steps to enforce their own boundaries and prevent him from abusing their trust and use them as wank fodder.

That's really awful OP. You might think I'm overreacting and he would never escalate to this but it did make me think of Danielle Jones.

I would ask him for space for the time being. He should move out to give you room to breathe. I agree with not allowing him to hide behind a porn addiction. That's availing him of any responsibility. He sounds predatory and underhand. It may not match up to the persona he shows to you but you know now what he really thinks. I also agree you should give your sister and niece a heads up.

This must be very hard for you and it will always be eating away at you no matter how hard you try to brush over it and believe his pathetic pleas and tears.

Tbh If I was in this postion I'd walk... how can you even bare to look at him ? Imagine if you niece knew this or your sister/ brother. I would be utterly disgusted... what a slime ball. I'm sure he'll throw all the excuses under the sun at you.
But really , do you think you can get over this ? If the answer is no, then get out now as you'll end up wasting years of your life on a creep... the trust for me would be gone for good. Grim....

Serious full on creep! Bleurgh!

The porn is not my personal taste but the photos of your friends and particularly the one of your 17yo niece and her friend would make me chuck him out.

Picture of your 17yo niece for wank fodder!

That's really, really perverted! Can you imagine finding our your uncle has been wanking to your photos and still being expected to visit in his house? Can you imagine your friends husband wanking to your pictures he stole from facebook and you having to sit in his company?

It doesn't matter if he gets help or not, he's crossed some un-crossable boundaries IMO and it would be the end of my marriage to find out something like this. I'd never trust him again and I'd never feel comfortable putting anyone female in his pervy sights again.

My skin is actually crawling, I'm so sorry for you this is pretty sickening to find out about

Just because he claims he's sorry or that he'll seek help, doesn't mean that you are obliged to go ahead with it, hide his dirty secret or anything else. Make sure you try and do what's best for you, rather than allowing him to control the narrative.

Especially as it sounds like he's just sorry he's been caught.

From the time you are asking random strangers on the internet for advice.. you know the truth

Sorry but I think it's time to dig deeper in his phone to see if there are other young girls or boys photos that he's downloaded and possibly deleted. Deletions can be restored so deletion alone doesn't get rid of them.

Have you told your sister and your niece's friends parents yet? They have a right to know their DD's photos was being used for his dirty secret and I'm sure they will be appalled.

Sometimes I think LTB is often recommended without too much thought, but in this case there is no other solution. Porn addiction is a feeble excuse that he hopes you will accept..lastly, how would you feel if your DD was being treated as he's treated your niece and her friend?

Creepy old man...yuck!

@RevolvingPivot I genuinely have no idea. The app I think it was, was called "Viber". It was a pre-Whatapp app that I believe still exists. I used it when I moved overseas, to talk to family/friends.

There weren't any suss photos, and the people and places were unknown to me. It really freaking me out TBH, like I was invading their privacy and that one day I'd end up with something REALLY personal.... hence deleting all app.

Maybe it was iCloud? Here's someone else having the same thing happen but with iCloud: forums.imore.com/icloud/286481-i-am-receiving-other-peoples-photos-my-icloud-photo-stream.html

@sykadelic OP has said her husband admitted to having these photos and probably did save the one of their niece but could not recall why

[quote sykadelic]Maybe it was iCloud? Here's someone else having the same thing happen but with iCloud: forums.imore.com/icloud/286481-i-am-receiving-other-peoples-photos-my-icloud-photo-stream.html[/quote]
Why would it be iCloud when OP said it Facebook?. He's also been caught doing the same with her friends photos and has admitted saving his niece and teenage friend ones to wank over.

The first post on that iCloud discussion is from 2014 and wasn't people having photos of porn and teenage family members in their bikinis being found on their phone by their wives. Most of them seem to be people who found random photos themselves (which turned out to be their personal whatsapp settings saving photos on chats which had already been ruled out on ops case) and not men being totally unaware such photos were even there until their wife found them and challenged them. Not the same thing at all.

He admitted to saving female friends photos from Facebook for walk fodder and did admit saving the teenage girl ones but says it won't have been for that reason.

I was responding to the qns about my experience. I'm aware the OP has since discovered her husband intentionally downloaded the photos

Absolutely not porn addiction he is looking for an excuse that will minimise his awful behaviour
It wasn’t the real me it was the addiction…..
fucking bollocks he thought he would not get caught and you have now seen the real him
He is trying to worm his way out and abdicate responsibility

I best add a trigger warning for my last paragraph.

I remember when I found my ex on dating sites. Looking at photos of women on FB from the dating site. Of course it wasn't him. Silly me and crazy me for even thinking for one minute he had set up a profile on a popular free dating site and that he would be USING it and posting his PHOTO along with multiple FB accounts. He LOVED me. Good grief it's so insulting, but the extra layer of insulting is the horrible gaslighting, denying your reality, denying the evidence when there is no way of wriggling out of it but so many creeps determined to have their cake and eat it. Leading a double life.

My ex was not looking for underage girls but I know that feeling of utter disgust at being gaslighted and the attempts to change your perception, blame it on other people, blame it on you, blame it on technology, as if the technology was setting up profiles independently. It is belittling. Your husband has eventually admitted it, but how long was he going to keep playing you for a fool? Only until he got caught, and he thought he wouldn't. The tears and regret are only for himself and the nice cosy life he stands to lose.

Masturbating over your niece is despicable. Sure, men get turned on by youth, but just WTAF to do this over his own relative. It is possible that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Not inferring he is a paedophile, but then they don't go around with it stamped on their foreheads.

I met a man on a dating site 20 years or so back. He had serious erectile dysfunction, but he blamed it on being a little overweight and out of shape and drinking too much wine. He made a really odd comment about wanting me to wear "plain" underwear in bed. A few days later he said something about his niece being attractive in a way that an uncle should never express it. He expressed appreciation for her budding body. She was 14. A couple of weeks later I saw something odd over his shoulder while he was working on his computer. When he went out, I checked his browser history. It was all teen porn, but the absolute worst was a downloaded photo of a very young girl, she looked no more than 12, in an horrendous position, with a man towering over her. I left and immediately phoned the police and said I would go to court as a witness if I needed to. I never saw him ever again. I never heard back from the police. He wrote me a bizarre apology which I shredded.

Put yourself and your family first. Trust your gut.

It's not a porn addiction. He isn't looking at porn.

@IrishKatie1971

That’s horrific!

Sometimes images sent via WhatsApp or Facebook messenger will automatically save to the device photo album.
Could he have been sent it?

@Kona84

I have never heard of facebook saving photos to camera roll automatically!

He is lying.

But it is even more worrying that he had pictures of teenager girls on his phone. This is just wrong...

Get rid of that creep and fast.

@Kona84

Sometimes images sent via WhatsApp or Facebook messenger will automatically save to the device photo album. Could he have been sent it?

He's subsequently admitted he deliberately & knowingly saved it and previously made up the BS story about not knowing how it ended up in his phone......

He also admitted doing the same with other fb friends and used them to wank over....All of them of course except from his 17 yr old niece. It was definitely not for that reason 🙄, he just can't remember why (more likely he can't think of a good enough excuse).....so he lied about it the nieces picture and wanked over pics of other friends, but definitely not the nieces. Maybe he just like the design of the bikini and kept it for fashion reasons??!