Page 8 | Is my husband lying to me about photo found on his phone?

Lin1276539 · 2022-01-13T21:18:38+00:00

So, I recently came across an image taken from the Internet on my husband's old phone, that he said he only keeps for the alarm, and let's say it was an intimate image of a woman. I then also found the thumbnail of a deleted screenshot of a different naked woman on the old phone. I called him on it and after telling him I was going to check his Google account Internet hisyory, he confessed he looked at these sorts of images daily, and had been doing so for a long time. It took me by surprise as he always said he hated this kind of stuff. My issue now is that a few years ago I found a picture taken from social media of my sisters teenage daughter and her friend standing in their bikinis by a pool, saved on his phone. He told me back then that it must be the 'dodgy' photo editing app he'd installed as he never saved that photo to his phone, and he seemed genuinely perplexed as to how it got there. Am I being an idiot in still believing him or could this genuinely be the truth? I know it sounds bad, but he did have a photo app he was always complaining about before I found that image, and there were some other odd and random images in the app that he said he couldn't understand how on earth they got there? My paranoia is taking over now and I don't feel I can trust him?!? Advice??

Veritasvosliberadit · 14/01/2022 12:54

@TheVanguardSix

Oh love. It's done.

I was married to one of these. It all sort of snuck up over the years. Lots of 'Who me? Wha'... this? Oh it's all innocent.' He absolutely perved over women- not in reality. Oh no. Not that. He was above all that, a respectable GP. Never even turned his head to look at a woman in a bikini on a beach. But our computer's history and his phone, still in police custody, told a very different story.

He now faces criminal charges for sexually abusing our daughter for 4 years right under my nose.

Your husband is not who you think he is. I am NOT saying he's like my ex and a child abuser. My ex took his perversions to a stratospheric level. Let's hope and assume your husband has not. The problem is, my ex also gave me the tears and the shame and the humiliating sobs and the promises... worst of all, he promised, again and again, to get help and change his ways. At this point, I'd only ever known about adult porn that he viewed and images of adult women. I didn't know about all the other stuff until later. I am the one who had to tell the police. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. But not reporting him was out of the question.

Your husband is predatory- he may not be a paedo. He may never have touched another woman. But he is a predator. And I don't think you can have a marriage with a predator at all. It's really done. The problem is, you don't know who he is or what he's capable of. Best not stick around and find out. From where I sit, I'd be really worried about him though... I wouldn't want him living around the corner from me, to be quite honest. I don't like the idea that he's floating around in society, perving on females.

I am so sorry for you, OP. I am gutted for you. Because I can totally and utterly imagine your pain.

I've changed my username just to reply to this. Thank you for posting this, you brave woman! I am in a similar situation (minus the contact offence I hope) and also reported my husband as soon as I found out. As you say, not reporting it is not an option, or you will be a bystander. Vanguard, would you be happy for me to pm you tonight? Not a journo, promise!!

Mumof3confused · 14/01/2022 13:14

@TheVanguardSix oh my goodness this is chilling and I am so, so sorry this happened to you and your family.

This is why I asked if op has daughters. I would be terrified to leave them in his care if they do separate. There was a separate thread here recently about a mum who had found out that her daughter was sexually assaulted and lots of people told their story. It seems these are extremely good at hiding their true nature, nobody suspects a thing.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 14/01/2022 13:37

I would think this was gross and I would give him shit for it but I wouldn’t leave him and break up an otherwise happy family. Couples therapy may be a plan but for me this would be something to fix, not a LTB issue.

Snuggz · 14/01/2022 13:57

@BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ

How would you get past your husband having a wank over his teenage niece, someone who he has watched grown up since a baby? 🥴

I don’t think any amount of couples therapy can fix that.

Hemingwayzcatz · 14/01/2022 14:03

Looking at photos of random women on the internet and indeed porn is one thing. Not acceptable to some people, others don’t care too much. Very regular behaviour though I’d say, most men do this…

Screenshotting and potentially wanking over a photo of your teenage niece in a bikini though? Why the fuck are you still with this creep?

BFPDec21 · 14/01/2022 14:04

His niece is the LTB thing for me. There's no getting over it for the reason Snuggz has mentioned. However, if he didn't use his niece's bikini photo immorally himself and can't remember what he had it for, I'd also be concerned he's sharing pictures of people you're close to online. I could never get over either.

You have the proof, I'm not sure what more you can possibly want in this situation as the evidence and admittance of the majority of it is there.

I'm sorry he's such a shit and you're having to deal with this

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/01/2022 14:36

@BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ

I would think this was gross and I would give him shit for it but I wouldn’t leave him and break up an otherwise happy family. Couples therapy may be a plan but for me this would be something to fix, not a LTB issue.

You honestly wouldn't leave a bloke who saved photos of your niece in her bikini to masturbate over or at minimum look at with sexual arousal. There is absolutely no other reason he would have saved that picture.

But you'd stay with him? Jesus Christ. Raise your bar.

RiverSkater · 14/01/2022 14:38

@BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ

I would think this was gross and I would give him shit for it but I wouldn’t leave him and break up an otherwise happy family. Couples therapy may be a plan but for me this would be something to fix, not a LTB issue.

How would that couples therapy play out do you think?

Should they discuss his wanking process, the porn then the niece or the niece then the porn ? 🙄Or does he just flick between them til he gets satisfaction?

You may have low standards but the OP can do better than this lying pathetic perv.

Newgirls · 14/01/2022 15:10

@Lin1276539

Having it out with him this morning. He's in floods of tears and I feel sick. I feel numb. We've been together for 20 years, married for 15, got children together who are still in primary school. He's admitted to looking at women we know on Facebook for those purposes too, and said he probably DID download that photo of my niece and her friend BUT not for that reason, but its so long ago he can't remember anything. I feel like someone's pulled the rug out from under my entire life. I love him. But I don't think I can get past all this.

Ah there you have it then.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. Time to move on from him isn’t it. His loss not yours.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/01/2022 15:37

We've been together for 20 years, married for 15, got children together who are still in primary school.

Jesus I've just realised this means he has known your niece her entire life.

Watched her grow from baby to child to teen and then saved a picture of her in a bikini as wank fodder.

I couldn't even look at him. How dare he. I wonder how he would feel if when your daughter is 17, a family member downloaded a picture of her in a bikini for his wank bank?

And the fact that pictures of women in bikinis and porn in general is so readily available now means that he gets off on masturbating thinking about someone who is 'taboo' to fancy - in this case a child he's watched grow up. Who his wife is related to.

Your sister and niece wouldn't want to be anywhere near him if they knew. He makes my skin crawl and I don't even know him.

He's fucking vile.

Viviennemary · 14/01/2022 15:42

It's creepy. But I expect a lot of men do similar with porn sites but don't get found out. Teenage girls photo is crossing a line. Awful.

Original poster

Lin1276539 · 14/01/2022 15:53

@youvegottenminuteslynn

We've been together for 20 years, married for 15, got children together who are still in primary school.

Jesus I've just realised this means he has known your niece her entire life.

Watched her grow from baby to child to teen and then saved a picture of her in a bikini as wank fodder.

I couldn't even look at him. How dare he. I wonder how he would feel if when your daughter is 17, a family member downloaded a picture of her in a bikini for his wank bank?

And the fact that pictures of women in bikinis and porn in general is so readily available now means that he gets off on masturbating thinking about someone who is 'taboo' to fancy - in this case a child he's watched grow up. Who his wife is related to.

Your sister and niece wouldn't want to be anywhere near him if they knew. He makes my skin crawl and I don't even know him.

He's fucking vile.

I feel awful, crying all day. It doesn't make much difference but my niece hasn't grown up around him as they don't live nearby, so its more of a 'take what i can get' approach of my husbands I think, if it turns him in on he'll save it. He's confessed to looking at our mutual female friends pictures on Facebook and doing this too. I'm horrified. He says he'll get help for 'porn addiction' but I feel sickened.

OP posts:

Planesmistakenforstars · 14/01/2022 16:13

He doesn't have a 'porn addiction.' What he's wanking to isn't only porn, it's also just pictures of your friends and relatives.

if it turns him on he'll save it

So he admits, and you know, that he's turned on by a picture of your 17 year old niece. There's just no coming back from that. He's fucking disgusting.

girlmom21 · 14/01/2022 16:16

It's not a porn addiction. He's sexualising all the women/teenage girls he knows. Or at least a large portion.

If he's wanking to pictures of your friends on Facebook I'd assume lots of those pictures are women fully dressed.

He's not a porn addict. He's a pervert.

I'm so sorry.

Kinko · 14/01/2022 16:33

OP, I'm sorry but it's just gone too far.

He's only upset because you found out, he's only saying he'll get help because you found out.

There was a point where he made a decision and didn't in that moment think - wtf is wrong with me, it's my fffff'ing niece - I need help. And he didn't book into see a therapist and he didn't stop!

Do you see what I mean? He has done this for years - at any point over these years he could/should and WOULD have thought - what the heck am I doing here, this is going too far - I need help, IF he was a man with any sort of moral compass. He isn't so he's continued to do it and now he's been found out, he's saying all the things you want to hear - it's not what he wants to do or he would have already done it! He's just scrambling around because he's been caught.

And it's NOT porn! There's no consent here. He's sick in the head. It's absolutely disgusting. He had all the world's porn to pick from and he went for your teenage niece and your friends. COME ON.

velvetvixen · 14/01/2022 16:42

No no no. It's not a porn addiction. It's him objectifying your female friends and your niece and reducing them to wank fodder.

Basically he's a Peeping Tom type pervert.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 14/01/2022 17:08

It's him objectifying your female friends and your niece and reducing them to wank fodder.

It's him objectifying ALL the women whose pictures he is wanking over. He has no idea whether the explicit images that he has downloaded were of trafficked women, underage girls or women who are the victims of revenge porn and have no idea that photos of them naked are being circulated on the internet. And more importantly, he didn't care so long as his sexual desires were satisfied.

StellaGibson118 · 14/01/2022 17:12

So sorry 😓

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/01/2022 17:22

He says he'll get help for 'porn addiction' but I feel sickened.

He's not addicted to porn, he's a pervy middle aged man who wanks looking at pictures of teenage girls he should care about in a familial way or at least respect in a decent way.

Don't let him turn this into a 'porn addiction' thing. If he's a porn addict he will very well know the absolute abundance of porn with 'teen' in the title (boak) available for free 24/7. So he could have looked at that as often as he wanted for as long as he wanted completely free.

So either on top of the porn, or instead of it, he has sought out a picture of a 17 year old girl he knows and who you're related to.

It's not porn addiction. He's quite literally a fucking wanker. And tbh how dare he call it porn addiction when loads of these women are your mates - they didn't sign up to be porn, they're just on Facebook toasting Susan's 50th or enjoying a holiday!

You poor thing, him being so pathetic and snivelling and treating you like an idiot makes him even more horrible, don't let him gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting.

velvetvixen · 14/01/2022 17:25

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees

It's him objectifying your female friends and your niece and reducing them to wank fodder.

It's him objectifying ALL the women whose pictures he is wanking over. He has no idea whether the explicit images that he has downloaded were of trafficked women, underage girls or women who are the victims of revenge porn and have no idea that photos of them naked are being circulated on the internet. And more importantly, he didn't care so long as his sexual desires were satisfied.

You are of course, correct.

Arnia · 14/01/2022 17:28

It's most definitely not a "porn addiction" your niece wasn't partaking in porn! It's him objectifying women because he's a rotten misogynist. Often there's other telltale behaviour to go along with this. "Traditional" (I.e sexist) views on women. Women categorised into those he finds fuckable and those he doesn't. Reduced to objects. He may hide this of course, but the subtle clues were there in my case. Hindsight often brings clarity.

WonderfulYou · 14/01/2022 17:34

He says he'll get help for 'porn addiction' but I feel sickened.

OP I posted previously saying I bet he’ll say he needs to get help as ‘he’s sick’- I’m not psychic, it’s just he’s following the pattern and lies that men like him do when they get found out.
Every poster will agree that this is just another lie.
You only know half of the actual truth.

WonderfulYou · 14/01/2022 17:38

Don't let him turn this into a 'porn addiction' thing. If he's a porn addict he will very well know the absolute abundance of porn with 'teen' in the title (boak) available for free 24/7. So he could have looked at that as often as he wanted for as long as he wanted completely free.

I completely agree!

You would know if he had a porn addiction - he would be looking at porn all day long but he’s not it’s people he knows.
As a PP said this is the attraction for him.

He doesn’t want willing participants who openly post intimate photos and videos of themselves, he wants ones who don’t want to participate and he gets to be seedy and wank over them knowing it’s a dirty secret - it worries me where this leads if he has that type of mindset.

Closetbeanmuncher · 14/01/2022 17:47

It isn't porn addiction though is it because as far as I'm aware your family members and friends aren't porn actresses.

This is something completely different, obsessive/stalking type behaviour. Sorry but he's a bonafide creep, and I think you've touched the tip of the iceberg with this.

Closetbeanmuncher · 14/01/2022 17:48

He doesn’t want willing participants who openly post intimate photos and videos of themselves, he wants ones who don’t want to participate and he gets to be seedy and wank over them knowing it’s a dirty secret - it worries me where this leads if he has that type of mindset

Exactly my thoughts.