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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is my husband lying to me about photo found on his phone?

238 replies

Lin1276539 · 13/01/2022 21:18

So, I recently came across an image taken from the Internet on my husband's old phone, that he said he only keeps for the alarm, and let's say it was an intimate image of a woman. I then also found the thumbnail of a deleted screenshot of a different naked woman on the old phone. I called him on it and after telling him I was going to check his Google account Internet hisyory, he confessed he looked at these sorts of images daily, and had been doing so for a long time. It took me by surprise as he always said he hated this kind of stuff. My issue now is that a few years ago I found a picture taken from social media of my sisters teenage daughter and her friend standing in their bikinis by a pool, saved on his phone. He told me back then that it must be the 'dodgy' photo editing app he'd installed as he never saved that photo to his phone, and he seemed genuinely perplexed as to how it got there. Am I being an idiot in still believing him or could this genuinely be the truth? I know it sounds bad, but he did have a photo app he was always complaining about before I found that image, and there were some other odd and random images in the app that he said he couldn't understand how on earth they got there? My paranoia is taking over now and I don't feel I can trust him?!? Advice??

OP posts:

Original poster

Lin1276539 · 14/01/2022 10:12

Having it out with him this morning. He's in floods of tears and I feel sick. I feel numb. We've been together for 20 years, married for 15, got children together who are still in primary school. He's admitted to looking at women we know on Facebook for those purposes too, and said he probably DID download that photo of my niece and her friend BUT not for that reason, but its so long ago he can't remember anything. I feel like someone's pulled the rug out from under my entire life. I love him. But I don't think I can get past all this.

OP posts:

CaptainCaveMum · 14/01/2022 10:20

@Lin1276539

Isn't it funny how his app ‘chose’ to upload pictures of attractive teenage girls from FaceBook and not your auntie’s holiday snaps?
It is more likely Elvis was resurrected and uploaded those photos to your ‘D’H’s wank bank than it happened by chance without him knowing. So I guess it was a dead pop star or your husband deliberately choosing to keep these photos, along with his other porn snaps.

Yes he’s lying to you.
No you can’t trust him.
No you are not paranoid.
Yes he is sexually interested in your niece.

Sorry

Planesmistakenforstars · 14/01/2022 10:22

OP you also need to contact your niece's friend and her parents to tell them what you've found. I don't expect they will fob it off.

To what end? Worry them, creep them out and then what? The poor girls.

So they can block him on SM to stop him getting more pictures of teenage relatives for his wank bank?

Fraternaltwin · 14/01/2022 10:22

@Lin1276539

There’s no valid reason for him be downloading a picture of two children in their bikinis. They may be 17 (not sure if they were 17 now or in pic) but they are still children.

What you’ve found is likely to be the tip of the iceberg. This would be divorce material for me I’m afraid. Not so much the porn but definitely the downloading of children in their bikinis.

Before anyone suggests they are adults at 17, in terms of the law around photographs they are children. Whilst the photos in themselves may not quite be illegal, his thought process is very worrying.

CaptainCaveMum · 14/01/2022 10:23

Ah sorry cross post.
So now he admits he did deliberately upload your niece’s photo.

But he claims he can’t remember why… again he’s lying.

I’m so sorry. But he is revolting.

RosiePosieDozy · 14/01/2022 10:25

As a pp said, of course it's not a coincidence that a photo of two girls in their swimming costumes was printscreened instead of a photo of your mum for example.

Perving on his niece is disgusting. I can't see how you possibly stay with him after he's done this.

WonderfulYou · 14/01/2022 10:30

The naked pictures of women wouldn’t bother me, surely most people do this.
The photos are taken for people to ogle at.

But taking photos off someone’s social media for that reason is sick!
Especially when these photos are not taken for that purpose!

If I knew someone was doing this with my photos it would make my skin crawl.

What would also worry me is how far he was going to take it - does he go on their SM account regularly to see their new photos, would he then start trying to look at them in person etc - sounds extreme but this is exactly how stalkers begin.

WonderfulYou · 14/01/2022 10:32

The niece photo actually makes me sick and he sounds like a predator.

He would be gone today!

Lampzade · 14/01/2022 10:34

He’s lying

LittleGwyneth · 14/01/2022 10:37

Wank bank of adult images or adults? Fine. The niece photo? Very very not fine.

CharSiu · 14/01/2022 10:39

I really don’t like porn if it makes me a prude I don’t care but I’m aware many men look at it. But the picture of his niece well that is next level creepy shit that I couldn’t get over.

I would hate him even more for crying, manipulative.

bruffin · 14/01/2022 10:40

sykadelic

I regularly upload my photos to Dropbox. There was a time when I had random photos in my history. Not porn, but lile, family photos of people I don't know, or scenic photos. This was years ago. I deleted all my apps and wiped the phone. Hasn't happened since

How it that possible though? How do you think those photos got there?

If you use whatsap or messenger the photos that are shared on there are automatically saved in your photo gallery unless you turn off that facility. I found a load of random photos saved to our prime photo storage . Neither DH or i could place them , it turned out they were from a whatsap group my DH was a part of

Chasingtime · 14/01/2022 10:42

He is disgusting

bongobingo43 · 14/01/2022 10:43

@LittleGwyneth

Wank bank of adult images or adults? Fine. The niece photo? Very very not fine.

100% this

girlmom21 · 14/01/2022 10:44

@Lin1276539

If he's willing to perv on your friends I don't doubt he's willing to perv on your niece.

I'm sorry Op but even if he's not lying about your niece this isn't just looking at porn.

Mumof3confused · 14/01/2022 10:44

Unless these photo was whatsapped to him, he screengrabbed I and saved them.

Do you have daughters?

TooWicked · 14/01/2022 10:45

Perving on your 17 year old niece.

Nope, get him gone.

And tell any of your family and friends with teenage daughters, so that they can block him from seeing and saving any more of their photos.

bongobingo43 · 14/01/2022 10:47

Too much of a coincidence that the photo he downloaded of his niece and her friend was one of them in their bikinis.

If he can remember downloading it and there was another innocent reason, why did he previously concoct the BS story about the editing app mysteriously doing it? Surely of it was innocent, he would have told you at the time that he did download it and explain the reason for doing it (although I'm struggling to think of an innocent explanation tbh - as is he, otherwise he'd be feeding you more BS right now).

I feel sick for you!! If this is what you've stumbled across, I hate to think what else he has been up to. Sorry op

pawpatrolneedaunion · 14/01/2022 10:50

The epitomy of 'dirty uncle'. Just ewww.

FortySeven · 14/01/2022 10:51

Disgusting, lying, manipulative bastard. I’m so sorry OP. I’d be devastated after all those years together but I don’t think I could get past that. The porn/Facebook contacts thing is bad enough, but the niece photo is next level shit, I’m afraid.
for you

ChargingBuck · 14/01/2022 10:55

he is so sincere about it and I want to believe him

He is exactly as sincere about it as he was when he insisted that he always said he hated this kind of stuff.

Of course you want to believe him. But come on OP - how many random images have 'accidentally' found their way onto your phone? Or mine? Or any PP's? It doesn't happen.

He's embarrassed, (he should be - about the hypocrisy too) horrified you have caught him at it, & backtracking furiously. It's up to you how you respond, but don't accept his bullshit excuses.

Sorry you have has this shock.
Perving on teenaged relatives is ... bleugh. Please take time to process, & look after yourself while you think about how you want to handle the situation.

Lachimolala · 14/01/2022 10:56

This is utterly revolting, your poor niece. She was a child, this would be the end for me. There is no way I could get past this, the porn is one thing the saving of a picture of a young family member in a bikini is just disgraceful predatory behaviour.

I should imagine he is in floods of tears, can’t be easy being confronted with evidence of being a straight up pervert.

TheVanguardSix · 14/01/2022 11:00

Oh love. It's done.

I was married to one of these. It all sort of snuck up over the years. Lots of 'Who me? Wha'... this? Oh it's all innocent.' He absolutely perved over women- not in reality. Oh no. Not that. He was above all that, a respectable GP. Never even turned his head to look at a woman in a bikini on a beach. But our computer's history and his phone, still in police custody, told a very different story.

He now faces criminal charges for sexually abusing our daughter for 4 years right under my nose.

Your husband is not who you think he is. I am NOT saying he's like my ex and a child abuser. My ex took his perversions to a stratospheric level. Let's hope and assume your husband has not. The problem is, my ex also gave me the tears and the shame and the humiliating sobs and the promises... worst of all, he promised, again and again, to get help and change his ways. At this point, I'd only ever known about adult porn that he viewed and images of adult women. I didn't know about all the other stuff until later. I am the one who had to tell the police. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. But not reporting him was out of the question.

Your husband is predatory- he may not be a paedo. He may never have touched another woman. But he is a predator. And I don't think you can have a marriage with a predator at all. It's really done. The problem is, you don't know who he is or what he's capable of. Best not stick around and find out. From where I sit, I'd be really worried about him though... I wouldn't want him living around the corner from me, to be quite honest. I don't like the idea that he's floating around in society, perving on females.

I am so sorry for you, OP. I am gutted for you. Because I can totally and utterly imagine your pain.

WonderfulYou · 14/01/2022 11:04

I would hate him even more for crying, manipulative.

I agree!
He’ll be saying he’s sick and has got a problem and needs counselling next.

There are millions of photos on the internet of women taking provocative photos for him to get off on.

It’s sick that he is getting off on photos of people you know and photos that aren’t intended for that.

I don’t condone violence but if I found my nieces photos on him I would have to leave the house for a couple of hours until he moves out as I am not sure I could contain my disgust and anger.

HelloFrostyMorning · 14/01/2022 11:12

He's lying. Sorry @Lin1276539

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