Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote ReturnOfTheBunk]@BelladiMamma

Yes I think last week he mentioned some family illness so staying abroad and dating is (quite rightly) probably not a priority right now!

I’m just going to focus on my own stuff for now, rather than getting caught up in overfunctioning trying to artificially keep something going?

It’s not really appropriate for me to send “checking in” messages beyond my last polite reply as tbh I don’t think it’s my business at this stage so just chilling for now!

I don’t really want to get caught up in an endless “I’m stressed over this last minute border transport situation” chat loop tbh, of course I’m supportive but also I have my own stresses and issues?

it would be nice to be in touch if a meeting is imminent but beyond that not really a profitable direction to put emotional energy into?[/quote]
This is a very sensible and healthy reaction. You could wait weeks / months for him and then find that the elusive spark is no longer there when you finally meet up again

Thanks @BelladiMamma - yes as you know I found it emotionally hard end of last year as it felt quite frustrating, like "the one who got away"

But with time and doing other stuff I'm a bit more chilled now?

I don't want to just rush out and get rebound attention/dick, but realistically after two months away I owe it to myself to consider other options (plus he might be back just to go away again?).

(maybe wait till it's not dark at 5pm to go dating though!)

Just caught up, life gets in the way sometimes!
@curmudgeonly007 agree with others that RL stuff might be a nice break for you. Hope your final hurrah with MsW is memorable!
@Thisisworsethananticpated your 20something sounds lovely! Hope he is just as nice in person.
@ReturnOfTheBunk it certainly wouldn't hurt to see what else is out there. Being a bit of a romantic, I was kind of hoping he'd have come back and swept you off your feet by now...blame Richard Curtis for setting unrealistic expectations 😆

I've got a chat with someone worryingly local (shall be original and call him MrLocal). Last 2 people I've gone on date zeroes with have been absolutely not for me but he seems more my type...and the voice notes are great.. amazing deep voice and sounds a good laugh.
My situation with my annoying MrTeacher hasn't quite ended either. He was very open (for him) about why he was a bit of a dick and has asked for the chance to show how he feels as he finds it so hard to open up. Now I'm not quite sure why I've entertained it...well, I am, it's the physical chemistry that's just amazing. The whole thing is messy but I'm going to go with whatever and keep dating him and whoever else I want to until I know how I feel.

Mr Needy has stepped it up..

Yesterday morning after his "I miss you" text, I replied a while later with "morning." He then text straight away saying "good sleep?" to which I replied yes, told him I was at my sisters and to have a good day.

He texted about 3/4 hours later saying he hoped I had a nice time and that he hadn't been feeling well in the afternoon. I didn't open the message or reply and an hour later he sent one asking if I wanted to chat (on the phone) later? I responded something like "hope you're feeling better, can't chat tonight x" to which he asked "you OK?" I replied "yes, just busy." I thought it was weird he thought just because I couldn't chat that meant something was wrong! I've known him for ONE WEEK!

He sent a message later saying he was looking forward to seeing me again and hoped I had a good day to which I just said "yes day was good thanks hope yours was too." I thought I won't text anything last night saying I'm not feeling this and slept on it. This morning I woke and thought yep, definitely gonna bin this guy.

I've been at work and haven't messaged him at all today. He has sent me a message at lunchtime saying "Are you missing something? Lol x"

WTF.

I don't want to just disappear but I need advice on what to write back to say thanks but no thanks!

Such a shame because the date was good and he had to spoil it by saying he missed me.. 🤦🏼‍♀️

@MizK

Oh I absolutely agree, my posting makes it sound like I'm uber-rational

but also I do want my "romantic happy ending" and am/was very into this guy tears have been shed

But "it is what it is" - in my spiritual practice we're taught it's Ok to "think lots about people or situations or feel strongly" but thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings and they shouldn't control things?

Realistically waiting over two months for someone I'm not seriously dating (who is probably going away for work, AS AM I just to complicate things ) is a bit too much "building artificial high expectations"

Hope MrLocal is a good option for you!

@Rosewaterblossom

Mr Needy has stepped it up..

Yesterday morning after his "I miss you" text, I replied a while later with "morning." He then text straight away saying "good sleep?" to which I replied yes, told him I was at my sisters and to have a good day.

He texted about 3/4 hours later saying he hoped I had a nice time and that he hadn't been feeling well in the afternoon. I didn't open the message or reply and an hour later he sent one asking if I wanted to chat (on the phone) later? I responded something like "hope you're feeling better, can't chat tonight x" to which he asked "you OK?" I replied "yes, just busy." I thought it was weird he thought just because I couldn't chat that meant something was wrong! I've known him for ONE WEEK!

He sent a message later saying he was looking forward to seeing me again and hoped I had a good day to which I just said "yes day was good thanks hope yours was too." I thought I won't text anything last night saying I'm not feeling this and slept on it. This morning I woke and thought yep, definitely gonna bin this guy.

I've been at work and haven't messaged him at all today. He has sent me a message at lunchtime saying "Are you missing something? Lol x"

WTF.

I don't want to just disappear but I need advice on what to write back to say thanks but no thanks!

Such a shame because the date was good and he had to spoil it by saying he missed me.. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Try something along these lines

'Hi Needy, sorry I haven't got back to you today. It was a lovely date but I'm in a different place to you so I don't see a romantic future for us. It's probably best if we don't stay in touch to give us both the chance to meet someone else. I wish you all the best in your dating adventures!'

@ReturnOfTheBunk

Thanks *@BelladiMamma* - yes as you know I found it emotionally hard end of last year as it felt quite frustrating, like "the one who got away"

But with time and doing other stuff I'm a bit more chilled now?

I don't want to just rush out and get rebound attention/dick, but realistically after two months away I owe it to myself to consider other options (plus he might be back just to go away again?).

(maybe wait till it's not dark at 5pm to go dating though!)

Oh god I feel you. But equally sit with the feelings and youve got a better chance of letting them do their thing and work their way through.

At the moment I'm just uber anxious about my dog who's very sick and early stage love affairs, much as I love MrD, are going to have to take a back seat.

Gosh I’m really sorry to hear about your dog @BelladiMamma, what’s wrong with him/her?

[quote ReturnOfTheBunk]@WeWantTheFinestWines

Igel is shorthand for MrHedgehog my iron from last year who is still abroad for the Xmas break! Was very fond of him but I think given all circumstances I’m looking at getting out there dating others soonish.[/quote]
So sorry bunk I don't know why I thought the igel was associated with bella and I didn't remember there being a hedgehog in her scenario - I hadn't clicked that it was you and Mr Hedgehog. Thank God I'm not performing heart surgery or doing anything else important today as that would go so very wrong. I'd probably remove a kidney instead. Thank you for clearing this up in my tiny little mind.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

no worries this thread moves SO fast and so many matches and irons to keep up with!

hope all ok with dog @BelladiMamma

@ReturnOfTheBunk @Badbaddog dog very poorly and now in doggie hospital 😞

Not sure what's wrong yet

shit! Hope you get some respite and get well soon doggo @BelladiMamma

@BelladiMamma that sounds very worrying indeed. Hope that you can get some answers and the right treatment for your pup soon

Aww Bella, poor doggy and poor you. Thinking of you and fingers crossed for a swift recovery.

Your draft response to Mr Needy looks perfect. I was going to propose some wording, but then I thought "No, Bella will be along soon, and she'll have the perfect wording, so I won't bother". And lo and behold! As a side-gig, have you thought about producing/publishing a book of templates for online dating - draft messages/responses for every scenario? Or perhaps a bespoke service? I reckon there'd be high demand!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4462482-Dating-Thread-224-Keeping-it-casual-or-searching-for-The-One

I've created a new thread y'all. Just need to copy the rules.

@PurpleStripyScarf

Aww Bella, poor doggy and poor you. Thinking of you and fingers crossed for a swift recovery.

Your draft response to Mr Needy looks perfect. I was going to propose some wording, but then I thought "No, Bella will be along soon, and she'll have the perfect wording, so I won't bother". And lo and behold! As a side-gig, have you thought about producing/publishing a book of templates for online dating - draft messages/responses for every scenario? Or perhaps a bespoke service? I reckon there'd be high demand!

I love the idea of this side gig 😂

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ButterflyOfShay Well despite being overdrawn I did pop and get a new push up bra and sexy top after the school run

I like your style!! A girl has to be prepared!! 😬

So sorry doggo’s not better @BelladiMamma your world feels upside down when they’re not well doesn’t it 😞 sending huge get well wishes 🥺🥺💗

Hi realy

Strange