Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@snowynight

Thanks Thisisworse - he doesn't drink so no alcohol! I had a couple but not enough to get things going - I know what you mean! Having said all that he hasn't been in touch so maybe he's not even interested 🙁. He walked me home at the end of the date and said shall we do this again, and I said yes, drop me a WhatsApp - might've sounded like a brush off I guess.

In this position I would a) listen to your gut which is that there’s possibly no mutual spark and yet b) be open to exploring further IF he seems keen and you got on well.

Telling him to drop you a WhatsApp is not a brush off. I would probably (knowing me, and I am not particularly normal on this front 😆) delete his chat and number and try to park it. If he makes contact and seems keen to arrange another meet then all well and good. But if he doesn’t - there’s the answer. In my experience people often say they want to meet again when actually they can’t quite work out how to end the date and say goodbye - saying let’s do it again is a finite end point so easy to say. I’ve definitely done this myself and regretted it afterwards - although have then texted to say something like “on reflection I don’t think there’s enough spark there, good luck”.

Gettingonwithit12

I have used the ‘fun’ term in my profile
I’ve been super open that I’m a single mum of an asd son , I drink , i swear, I vape etc
I mean why pretend
I’ve honestly met some nice people , I was totally suprised

Now , has this translated to sex yet ? No

But it’s out there

@Gettingonwithit12 it's hard meeting anyone full stop but you just have to keep at it. I think OkCupid is great in that you can suss people out from their quiz answers. I think it's easy to have loads of chats but see it as screening them early on to avoid disappointment later on.

@HairyArsedMan

I feel skinny shamed *@ButterflyOfShay*

You can get rid of your squirrels by going to the zoo and asking for some giant squirrel poo and scattering that around your garden ... maybe 🤔

Oh Hairy @HairyArsedMan I would never mean to upset you!! 🥰🥰 Don’t want to encourage any giant squirrels to move in though 😱 they might evict me!

@Gettingonwithit12

I keep hearing that there are lots of men out there but where is everyone finding them? I have loads of chats on OLD but they very rarely translate into a date, and only one so far has been interested in taking things further! I’m a bit worried I might pursue the casual thing and have nobody interested

I know exactly what you mean and how hard it can feel to even get to the meet stage!

I was on OKC for 5 months and only met two guys. Like others are saying here, in frustration I also thought maybe I’d try casual sex sites like fabswingers. I am sure I could have waded through the wall of cock shots and made it work but I got a bit freaked out - however this is probably precisely because I knew I WOULD be able to easily meet someone and have as much sex as I wanted.. for some reason the stark reality of that and the transparency of the arrangements being offered overwhelmed me. I think it made me realise I do want some sort of sense of exciting adventure/romance alongside the copious sex 😬

[quote Eesha]@Gettingonwithit12 it's hard meeting anyone full stop but you just have to keep at it. I think OkCupid is great in that you can suss people out from their quiz answers. I think it's easy to have loads of chats but see it as screening them early on to avoid disappointment later on.[/quote]
Another big OKC fan here - think it’s often overlooked. You can get a really good sense of someone before swiping and I found many more matches turned into chats.

I love this.

I’ve given my number to the 22 year old
I can’t believe I’m typing that

I feel so in awe of everyone who has done, is doing and can do casual. I just never have been able to. I’m actually starting to wonder if I'm asexual. Don’t feel any urge.. though I’m spicy when I’m with someone 🤣🤣
A lot of my girlfriends have always found casual sex easy, I’ve never even had a 1 night stand. I don't know why.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’ve given my number to the 22 year old I can’t believe I’m typing that

Haha go on lady @Thisisworsethananticpated I bet he’s really good looking though!!

@SortingItOut @VanGoghsDog photos are the worst aren’t they. I actually find them quite depressing.. I’m sure I am more attractive than my photos.

[quote ButterflyOfShay]**@SortingItOut* @VanGoghsDog* photos are the worst aren’t they. I actually find them quite depressing.. I’m sure I am more attractive than my photos.[/quote]
I also think I'm pretty unphotogenic - I HATE photos!

In recent years I've gone pics in a variety of settings all taken in last year... I also state clearly my height and weight/dress size so it just gets that stuff out the way. I cannot bear being quizzed on things like that.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’ve given my number to the 22 year old I can’t believe I’m typing that

We will now need live updates on this situation

Hello all, I've gone from MrAloof to MrKeen. I dated MrAloof at the end of last year where I only saw him maybe 2 or 3 times a month and he was busy (self employed) alot of the time. He wanted to take it slow which is fair enough but then felt like he just didn't have the time to give and it fizzled out.

Now I've meet Mr Keen who's the total opposite. He always messages back straight away, is sweet and kind and appears to really like me... but I only met him last Monday! We had our first date yesterday which was nice. He's already text me this morning saying he misses me. I'm a bit cynical nowadays after being so badly burnt in the past.

I've made it clear we can date and I think any talk of boyfriend/girlfriend will be dismissed. What sort of time frame, if that sort of talk was on the table, would you say is appropriate to go "official"? I'd say at least 3 months if it goes well?

@Rosewaterblossom

Hello all, I've gone from MrAloof to MrKeen. I dated MrAloof at the end of last year where I only saw him maybe 2 or 3 times a month and he was busy (self employed) alot of the time. He wanted to take it slow which is fair enough but then felt like he just didn't have the time to give and it fizzled out.

Now I've meet Mr Keen who's the total opposite. He always messages back straight away, is sweet and kind and appears to really like me... but I only met him last Monday! We had our first date yesterday which was nice. He's already text me this morning saying he misses me. I'm a bit cynical nowadays after being so badly burnt in the past.

I've made it clear we can date and I think any talk of boyfriend/girlfriend will be dismissed. What sort of time frame, if that sort of talk was on the table, would you say is appropriate to go "official"? I'd say at least 3 months if it goes well?

God I would hate that. How can he miss someone he’s met once?

I’ve known my iron 3 months and would not say that to him yet.

I agree with mirrorballs, how can he miss you?

Sounds lovebomby to me.

I think you need someone in the middle of aloof and keen.

That's what I'm weary of.. love bombing ! I just replied "morning " and left it at that.

I think the test here is to keep it casual and carry on with life and if he starts getting arsey or feeling sorry for himself that I'm not playing along then I'll know!

@Rosewaterblossom

That's what I'm weary of.. love bombing ! I just replied "morning " and left it at that.

Yes - be very wary. The ones that come in like that leave like that too - ghosting or dropping you like a hot potato. Sounds like he's created an instant fantasy in his head about who you are as a person - beware!

@ButterflyOfShay not everyone is into casual sex. Certainly not me. But I think some find it easier to differeniate the two. How do you feel mentally now though about dating? Do you feel OK to go on the apps at all? I don't think you necessarily may be asexual. I felt like this when I was in unsatisfying relationships but actually I genuinely think you can really spark off someone with the right chemistry.

Christ I have seen it all on Bumble now.

Quite a 'normally' nice looking man, I.e. not an Adonis type, with several photos. His profile read 'which of my photos do you like best?', then listed a description of each... wtaf?! Would anyone respond to this or is just it me bowled over by the narcissism?! I mean, sure, he's probably a nice man trying a different approach but...

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’ve given my number to the 22 year old I can’t believe I’m typing that

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Good, nothing to worry about, see how it goes

@Thisisworsethananticpated

[quote ReturnOfTheBunk]@Thisisworsethananticpated[/quote]
I think it’s a good job that meme doesn’t extrapolate to include women in their 40s and 50s

@Rosewaterblossom

Hello all, I've gone from MrAloof to MrKeen. I dated MrAloof at the end of last year where I only saw him maybe 2 or 3 times a month and he was busy (self employed) alot of the time. He wanted to take it slow which is fair enough but then felt like he just didn't have the time to give and it fizzled out.

Now I've meet Mr Keen who's the total opposite. He always messages back straight away, is sweet and kind and appears to really like me... but I only met him last Monday! We had our first date yesterday which was nice. He's already text me this morning saying he misses me. I'm a bit cynical nowadays after being so badly burnt in the past.

I've made it clear we can date and I think any talk of boyfriend/girlfriend will be dismissed. What sort of time frame, if that sort of talk was on the table, would you say is appropriate to go "official"? I'd say at least 3 months if it goes well?

Oh god no saying he misses you after one date is a biiiiig red flag! I would be very wary of lovebombing. I think three months at a minimum if things have been going well would be the earliest I’d entertain talk of boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ve rushed into things too quickly in the past that seemed intensely romantic and amazing at the beginning and they all imploded into something very toxic, so I may be more wary than some, but I really don’t think you can know someone well enough to want to enter into an exclusive relationship unless you’ve been dating them a good few months. That’s why I was so taken aback when Gulag man brought it up on date three last night! The more I think about it the more annoyed I am, it was wildly presumptuous of him when I thought I’d already made it clear he wasn’t a relationship prospect for me.