Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Mr FP has just left me a message saying basically "let's be friends, that would be nice". He's new to the area and is moving into his new house soon (actually on the weekend of the threadie meet) so needs friends I suppose. So I feel better about that - we can hang out with no expectations.

Location is still my problem, very slim pickings. I have set myself a rule not to chat to anyone more than an hour away and I now have two guys that fit that criteria, hoping to arrange meets in the next couple of weeks. I’m keeping things casual but am using traditional dating sites, after my marriage broke up I joined fabswingers for a couple of weeks but it wasn’t for me, wall to wall cocks and the lists of interests wasn’t for me!

@Yellowhighheels

Christ I have seen it all on Bumble now.

Quite a 'normally' nice looking man, I.e. not an Adonis type, with several photos. His profile read 'which of my photos do you like best?', then listed a description of each... wtaf?! Would anyone respond to this or is just it me bowled over by the narcissism?! I mean, sure, he's probably a nice man trying a different approach but...

I found ourtime worked okay (for me),
I met a couple of irons, had a few dates, nice enough women, bit dull maybe, but just not enough matches in my area really to make it worthwhile.

I think area is a common issue with all the apps. Unless you're in a big-ish city, there's just not that many single people that fit our criteria and don't come with a sack of red flags.

@WeWantTheFinestWines
💯 agreed, I read this thread and others seem to be getting matches and dates almost every other day, it’s all pretty depressing TBH and has pretty much put me off now,

Just curious to those with a fair bit more dating experience than me... have you ever had a really good few dates with someone, then a gap before the next date where things have dwindled off? If so have things recovered for the next date and going forward?

I had 2 dates in quick succession with Mr Mind, 2nd date was an all day activity and 5 days ago. Had a great time, we have spoken a lot since but I had noticed a bit of a change between us and today he brought it up. We had a video call about it and both agreed that it was most likely because of the 2 dates and then a longer gap (Tuesday feels like a long time ago!) and we also both said how much we are looking forward to seeing each other on Tuesday again.
Is this normal? I don't want to over think/over analyse everything.

On the plus side, I'm impressed with his communication about it.

@ReturnOfTheBunk that clip is hilarious! I now want to watch all of that show, which seems a decent enough distraction from trying to date...

@30somethingandstillsingle I just think you need to both reassure yourself that you are keen still. I had a 2 week break between seeing Mr Music for the 1st time and 2nd but we made sure we knew we were both excited to see each other. Your situation sounds fine!

I struggle with getting lots of dates too, I don’t know how some people manage it. I’m really close to the centre of Manchester so location isn’t an issue, lots of matches but far less chat and then dates are none existent

Strange situation here.

I went on like 5 dates with a guy from August to October. We got quite drunk and made out heavily on date two. He then planned dates that inevitably resulted in no physicality (Sunday afternoon hike, that kind of thing). I ended up texting him that I am looking for something casual. He texted basically saying that we discussed this on date 2 and he wants casual too. But he also said he doesn't necessarily just want to be friends.

I then stopped contacting him because I was busy and also I found that weird (why be casual and nonsexual?)

Last night I texted something light and friendly, with the idea of making him a FWB - though obviously I tried this before.

He has responded to say he has moved somewhere far away (still in England) and seems keen to meet up - he reassured me multiple times he will come to London soon.

Wtf???

@curmudgeonly007 I’m not in a city but there are plenty of large towns nearby so there are quite a lot of people in my fairly narrow search area. Bizarrely hardly any on OK Cupid but tons on Bumble. OKC tends to show me people who are miles away. Perhaps it would be different on the paid site (I’m not going to bother to pay)

Sunday nights are definitely the busiest night on the apps- 3 matches who I thought had gone cold have been in touch this evening! Must be that end of the weekend feeling

@gelatodipistacchio

Strange situation here.

I went on like 5 dates with a guy from August to October. We got quite drunk and made out heavily on date two. He then planned dates that inevitably resulted in no physicality (Sunday afternoon hike, that kind of thing). I ended up texting him that I am looking for something casual. He texted basically saying that we discussed this on date 2 and he wants casual too. But he also said he doesn't necessarily just want to be friends.

I then stopped contacting him because I was busy and also I found that weird (why be casual and nonsexual?)

Last night I texted something light and friendly, with the idea of making him a FWB - though obviously I tried this before.

He has responded to say he has moved somewhere far away (still in England) and seems keen to meet up - he reassured me multiple times he will come to London soon.

Wtf???

He just sounds confused. I'd leave it to him to make the next move.

@VanGoghsDog he probably is confused. I think sometimes I assume men are simpler creatures than they perhaps are.

@gelatodipistacchio

Hmmmmm....... He's in London and weighing up all options I would say

gelatodipistacchio
Sounds like a lot of energy but I do salute your FWB seeking efforts
I agree let him chase

ihavetogoshoppingnow
I am having much chat but since I started I’ve only had 4 actual physical dates ! And one measly shag
My love life mainly resides in my iphone 📱

curmudgeonly007
I get jealous when I read of people having rumpy pumpy (what a phrase !)
You’ve had it with friend woman !!
I have nothing !!! All bloody virtual !

So it’s horses for courses really

A small update on 22 year old
Had a phone call
Well he is a total sweetheart !
Probably one of the nicer people I’ve spoken with , and seems to feel a vibe and is into meeting different people .

So we can keep talking as he is just lovely to talk to

I still think he will see my wrinkly little face and die but he’s a nice soul , which is very rare in OLD

@Thisisworsethananticpated

A small update on 22 year old Had a phone call Well he is a total sweetheart ! Probably one of the nicer people I’ve spoken with , and seems to feel a vibe and is into meeting different people .

So we can keep talking as he is just lovely to talk to

I still think he will see my wrinkly little face and die but he’s a nice soul , which is very rare in OLD

He sounds lovely! He sounds very eager. Is he keen to meet?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

That’s good to hear and also reminds us all not to just go by stereotypes!

(Feel slightly motivated to pick up a 28 year old guy I forgot to message from my last Bumble round!)

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ihavetogoshoppingnow I am having much chat but since I started I’ve only had 4 actual physical dates ! And one measly shag My love life mainly resides in my iphone 📱

Sounds very similar to my experiences!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

gelatodipistacchio Sounds like a lot of energy but I do salute your FWB seeking efforts I agree let him chase

Agree with this. Leave it to him now to do the chasing.

Daydreamscometrue

Yes , he is very local to me so we said maybe a video call then a drive and coffee

He said he totally understand my situation and is flexible, free when I am !

I’m actually more happy that nice intelligent people still exist with values and morals

Anyway I’ll shut up now
We’ve agreed to not discuss how old his mother is

🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

ReturnOfTheBunk
Do it !