Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Following on from the last thread, WhatsApp has never been wank-worthy for me. I’m probably holding it wrong

I had a long distance thing with a fellow abroad
Covid and both being single parents didn’t help
We didn’t wank all the time !!! But he did turn me on majorly big time a lot
Isn’t life funny

@curmudgeonly007

*I replied "you do realise this is a ridiculous response?". I mean, who can't leave the decorator for half an hour while they pop out for coffee? Anyway, he unmatched me. So much for "prefer to meet than chat" on his profile.*

To be honest, I would I unmatched as well if I had been send that message

Yes, because obviously someone who can't leave the house for two full days due to doesn't want to meet anyway and doesn't want to be called out on their ridiculous behaviour. So umatching is the correct response.

(Decorators don't usually work weekends anyway, plus he could have met at the end of the day, or said he wasn't free but would like to so hope we'd find another time etc. It was made up. He's probably married )

I think some people just think that chatting on the apps is a hobby in itself and have zero intention of ever meeting anyone. I just wish they'd say that and stop wasting my time.

@SortingItOut thanks I think you and Bella are right - I think I’ll say I’m entitled to my life but I won’t force her to go to her dads but offer a house sitter alternative or a visit to grandparents. In a few months she might be more accepting or will be old enough to be left alone overnight occasionally. She would happily stay alone at least.

@StartingAgain6369 that’s very perceptive about her time with her dad because I think that’s what’s happening - her dad more or less ignoring her and focussing on the boys. I don’t think he knows what to do with her- I think we need to speak about things but he’s not the most approachable at times so I’ll need to pick my moment!
@ButterflyOfShay thanks for your kind words too
@Heartbeats0708 thanks also :) and delighted for you and Mr D…don’t self sabotage he sounds wonderful

@VanGoghsDog, how are you feeling now about Mr WG? Have you heard anything from him or anyone mentioned him at your walking group?
It’s so tedious when people on the apps are just there messing around. It’s no wonder that it leads to genuine people feeling fed up wading through things. I wonder what could be added or changed to weed out the chancers ?

[quote Stepcount]@VanGoghsDog, how are you feeling now about Mr WG? Have you heard anything from him or anyone mentioned him at your walking group?
It’s so tedious when people on the apps are just there messing around. It’s no wonder that it leads to genuine people feeling fed up wading through things. I wonder what could be added or changed to weed out the chancers ?[/quote]
Funny you should ask - a bit reflective recently. I suppose Christmas kept things at bay.

I've not seen anyone in the group recently who knows him, he doesn't come on many walks, hasn't been since autumn 2020 I don't think. I will see someone this weekend who knows him well and knows I was seeing him. I will ask her how he is, she will undoubtedly ask me if I've seen him, or she might know it's finished it'll be interesting to see which.

I blocked him on 14th Dec, last heard from him on 2nd. So nearly a month since I contacted him. I was thinking I might unblock him on Friday (14th) just to see if he ever contacts me. Obviously I won't see any historic messages which is fine. I hope I won't be tempted to message him. I don't think I will.

I do miss him. 😟

@VanGoghsDog, I know that me sympathising with you won’t change anything but I have always felt a little sad on your behalf that he couldn’t somehow get his act together and open up to you about what might have been holding him back. It’s utterly frustrating when you can feel-and have experienced- a connection with someone but it stops in it’s tracks. You gave him lots of chances.

[quote Stepcount]@VanGoghsDog, I know that me sympathising with you won’t change anything but I have always felt a little sad on your behalf that he couldn’t somehow get his act together and open up to you about what might have been holding him back. It’s utterly frustrating when you can feel-and have experienced- a connection with someone but it stops in it’s tracks. You gave him lots of chances.[/quote]
Thank you - agreed, on all points!

Hi everyone. I've been on and off these dating threads for the past couple of years if anyone remembers me.

I've had a few short relationships, the most recent was last year where you all gave me some really great advice.
I've been mooching around the apps, mostly Facebook dating and tinder. No one has been much interest though, no spark with anyone, had a couple of dates that didn't go anywhere but conversation with anyone has not been easy.

Fast forward to now and I have started chatting to someone from fb dating. We have had some phone calls and a video chat and we are meeting this weekend. He is very easy to talk to and I've been smiling a lot these last few days so I'm really hopeful for the weekend!
The only thing at the moment giving me any doubts is he is a widower. He is young ish and has pre teens.
I know it's only a date, but I just wondered if anyone has any experience of dating a widower? I imagine there are many complex emotions involved...

Place marking

...

Here I am!

@30somethingandstillsingle

I'm presuming the partner who passed away is the preteens parent

I would tread very carefully, if the partner or children come up in conversation let him lead and I wouldn't be asking any probing questions

If you have children yourself you've got a bit of common ground to chat about

Really hope it goes well on Saturday, update us

@Gettingonwithit12 I've also had loads of these messages. One asked me the other day what I was watching on Netflix having been silent for two days prior to that. What's the point?!

@VanGoghsDog - I often ask them if they want to meet for a drink and have had responses to tell me they're busy but then no follow up meeting so I then just do the slow fade.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Following on from the last thread, WhatsApp has never been wank-worthy for me. I’m probably holding it wrong

I had a long distance thing with a fellow abroad
Covid and both being single parents didn’t help
We didn’t wank all the time !!! But he did turn me on majorly big time a lot
Isn’t life funny

Did you ever meet him?

Sorry you’re missing him @VanGoghsDog it’s not a nice feeling to sit with and it hangs over you doesn’t it.

[quote Daydreamscometrue]**@VanGoghsDog - I often ask them if they want to meet for a drink and have had responses to tell me they're busy but then no follow up meeting so I then just do the slow fade.[/quote]
It's never worked out well for me when I've met someone in any way other than a few days of quite detailed texting/chats/phone calls and when they've been clearly very up for meeting! Anything less than that is a sign of something being off somehow - either they're not that bothered full stop about meeting me in particular, or are just pissing around on the apps. If someone isn't interesting and engaging straight away I cannot keep any sort of chat going, it's just too fecking dull.

@VanGoghsDog although I agree with you that his message was ridiculous and of course he could nip out for a coffee, I don't know if it's ever worth calling people on it because for whatever reason, he's just not that bothered. There's no point.... 'next!'

@VanGoghsDog sorry I see you went on to say exactly that in another post

I think some people just think that chatting on the apps is a hobby in itself and have zero intention of ever meeting anyone. I just wish they'd say that and stop wasting my time.

Agreed - for too many people the apps are just a distraction and end in themselves. I couldn't get over how hard it was to actually MEET someone face to face. My last stint was about 6 months and in that time despite actively chatting to about 6 different people, only 2 of those ended up in a meet (and one of those was pretty disappointing), and one of them flaked on me with half an hour's notice

Hi everyone. I tried bumble again . Met about 5 men, dates ok. But every single one, bar one. Wanted sex asap. Is this a thing ? I'm single mum. 50, hook ups bore me. I think they think they are entitled to this ? Am I wrong? Please suggest z way to meet men who are half decent.
Eg. Went on a date in Dec. Nice enough. Afterwards he tried it on in the car and got his dick out! I ran a mile. So...have given up.

Excited here this morning as my weekend is now planned - seeing MrM for one of our now traditional 24 hour meet half way dates which will start with a long coastal hike (no planned bird watching activities) then dinner and a night in a hotel. We have so much fun together, really looking forward to it. It's only our fifth date but each one has been a bit of a marathon effort!

Oh my god @Signoramarella how traumatising. That’s horrendous! What a creep 😞

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I’m actually excited for you hee hee! You two have such fun together. Hope the weathers lovely for you this weekend 💛

@Signoramarella

Hi everyone. I tried bumble again . Met about 5 men, dates ok. But every single one, bar one. Wanted sex asap. Is this a thing ? I'm single mum. 50, hook ups bore me. I think they think they are entitled to this ? Am I wrong? Please suggest z way to meet men who are half decent. Eg. Went on a date in Dec. Nice enough. Afterwards he tried it on in the car and got his dick out! I ran a mile. So...have given up.

Oh god, YUCK.

I've never tried Bumble so can't comment about that app specifically. Has there been any sign of this prior to meeting? I would make it very clear none of that is on the menu during pre meet chat.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs yes it’s a numbers game isn’t it? I can’t be bothered with all the conversations though, either meet me or not

[quote Notanotherchange]@ibelieveinmirrorballs yes it’s a numbers game isn’t it? I can’t be bothered with all the conversations though, either meet me or not[/quote]
It definitely is that. It gets more necessary to brutally weed people out and see the signs early on otherwise the whole thing is too depressing.

There is now a threadie meet WhatsApp group (not compulsory if you don’t want to join we can easily update on the Mumsnet messenger system )

so I’ve added numbers I know but PM me if you want to join. I’m at the gym now but will check in later and @StartingAgain6369 is co-admin in case I fall down a well and am never seen on mumsnet again.