Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@curmudgeonly007 sorry, present company excluded! I just thinking sometimes people get a bit slack take others for granted. I guess it can be both sexes...

@InABetterPlaceNow Its great you've started some new hobbies away from your kids and Mr T.

@ButterflyOfShay Thanks for the new thread.

All good here, not seen Mr K since Sunday morning as I've had work meetings and he's had his son. Hopefully will see him tomorrow but all week I've had that 'meh' feeling of not caring whether I never see him again 😕
Work is currently manic as manager off sick, hope she returns otherwise I'll be snowed under for a long time and not sure where Mr K would fit in, plus he's seeing his son 5 days a week (3 of those are after school/evenings) now so leaving even less time for us as i also have evening work meetings on some nights we usually meet🙄
Meet with his family went well, lovely people who seemed to like me.

Reminder there's a WhatsApp group starting for the threadie meet (not compulsory - perfectly Ok to opt out and stay on Mumsnet messenger and we'll update you anyway)

PM me or @StartingAgain6369 or @BelladiMamma or make a post if you want to join.

Really envious of the threadies meeting up in London :) I love London

@MayEye sorry to miss you, hopefully some day when this virus is over and its easier to travel! (or I know there's local meets randomly cropping up, so maybe something closer to you will evolve). You'd be welcome to join the WhatsApp group although you might not want fifty "is everyone here" messages cropping up?

@Signoramella this is exactly my experience and I'm early 40's.

Just had a guy flake because he has a cold which he thinks is a chest infection. No mention of follow up date.

I think this meme sums up pretty much everything you ever need to know about dating ...

So I'm house sitting for the next 12 days. Big house 2 hours from my home, dogs, cat, 8 eggs a day from the chickens so lots of omelettes... Looking forward to the solitude and the walks. But I'm also thinking this will be a good time to see if Mr Favourite Place is a realistic option. He has made no secret of the fact that he fancies me and thinks we may have potential. We haven't met since before Christmas because I've been unable to. Comms via text and voice notes have worked really well. We've spoken on the phone twice and that hasn't gone well, which we've acknowledged. I like quick back and forth chats, he drones on a bit which I haven't got the patience for...

But there's no foundation after two walks. We need to spend more time together. So I'm considering inviting him to come here (owners are happy for me to have visitors, but I now know from one of their stories not to flush condoms as they are later found in the septic tank). I trust him, we have friends in common, and he's been very responsive to my feedback, e.g. he's overwhelmed by the house he's just bought and everything that needs doing to it but I can hear him putting a positive spin on everything since I stressed the importance of positivity when I felt his messages were a bit moany. And when he'd had a beer and got a bit flirty I told him I wasn't ready for that and was feeding my kids so he switched and was totally respectful.

So I don't think he's going to kill or rape me. He'd have to stay for the night, but there are other beds here and I have no doubt he would respect it if I didn't want to have sex. Having said that, I really want to have sex. And I really want to get to know him, in a relaxed setting where we can just chill and hang out. Could get awkward of course if we didn't quite click and he'd driven two hours to get here. But how else will we know? When I'm back, I'll be with the kids for weeks again.

Sorry, early morning brain dump. Any thoughts on whether I should invite him here?

@BelladiMamma

I think this meme sums up pretty much everything you ever need to know about dating ...

Agreed - although I'd caveat that with "unless you've been used to being lovebombed or had a history of abusive relationships, in which case you might mistake a normal level of interest for disinterest"... or maybe that's just me

@BelladiMamma

I think this meme sums up pretty much everything you ever need to know about dating ...

That is brilliant!!!

[quote Eesha]@curmudgeonly007 sorry, present company excluded! I just thinking sometimes people get a bit slack take others for granted. I guess it can be both sexes...[/quote]
Truth be told, I am lazy.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

So I'm house sitting for the next 12 days. Big house 2 hours from my home, dogs, cat, 8 eggs a day from the chickens so lots of omelettes... Looking forward to the solitude and the walks. But I'm also thinking this will be a good time to see if Mr Favourite Place is a realistic option. He has made no secret of the fact that he fancies me and thinks we may have potential. We haven't met since before Christmas because I've been unable to. Comms via text and voice notes have worked really well. We've spoken on the phone twice and that hasn't gone well, which we've acknowledged. I like quick back and forth chats, he drones on a bit which I haven't got the patience for...

But there's no foundation after two walks. We need to spend more time together. So I'm considering inviting him to come here (owners are happy for me to have visitors, but I now know from one of their stories not to flush condoms as they are later found in the septic tank). I trust him, we have friends in common, and he's been very responsive to my feedback, e.g. he's overwhelmed by the house he's just bought and everything that needs doing to it but I can hear him putting a positive spin on everything since I stressed the importance of positivity when I felt his messages were a bit moany. And when he'd had a beer and got a bit flirty I told him I wasn't ready for that and was feeding my kids so he switched and was totally respectful.

So I don't think he's going to kill or rape me. He'd have to stay for the night, but there are other beds here and I have no doubt he would respect it if I didn't want to have sex. Having said that, I really want to have sex. And I really want to get to know him, in a relaxed setting where we can just chill and hang out. Could get awkward of course if we didn't quite click and he'd driven two hours to get here. But how else will we know? When I'm back, I'll be with the kids for weeks again.

Sorry, early morning brain dump. Any thoughts on whether I should invite him here?

It sounds to me as though you've done your 'due diligence' regarding possible reasons not to. The only alternative really would be him booking into a local Airbnb or Premier Inn or whatever, and still getting together for the evening to see how it goes. I'd probably be more comfortable doing the latter, but also know that I'm the kind of person who knows if I feel comfortable with someone after two dates and it sounds like you do too.

I like the sound of the fact he has responded to your feedback... this is a Very Good Thing.

@Daydreamscometrue @Signoramarella this meme also illustrates perfectly the reason why we all come on here, trying to figure out what's normal, what's acceptable and what's wrong with the crazy guys we end up dating. When they even manage to get out for a date!!

@WeWantTheFinestWines I think you should invite him over for a meal or a daytime walk + local pub meal, then coffee etc when you get back. That way you have the 'outside' time to figure out whether or not you're ready to sleep with him / fancy him enough. You could also ask him to set himself up in the spare room so that if one of you isn't feeling it, you've already established that sleeping separately is a real option.

By the sounds of it there are no major red flags and you've settled into a good communication pattern.

Go for it. And if it doesn't work out, at least you can move on.

Ah, the joys of early dating. I've been crippled by a UTI that just won't shift. MrD and I are going to have to take a break from our rampant rip each other clothes off frenzy that we are in and just chill on our next couple of dates 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😂

@BelladiMamma

Ah, the joys of early dating. I've been crippled by a UTI that just won't shift. MrD and I are going to have to take a break from our rampant rip each other clothes off frenzy that we are in and just chill on our next couple of dates 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😂

Nothing signifies early dating like a course of antibiotics and a gallon of cranberry juice. Maybe you'll bond on a different level with sex being off the table for a bit?

Thanks for your input Ibelieve and bella. I'm nowhere near anything so can't do pub/restaurant/hotel. But it's a great idea to do daytime stuff together before nighttime issues come up, and I could make it clear that spare room is the default, only to be reneged on if I beg...😅

Yes @WeWantTheFinestWines exactly that. This hasn't happened to me in a long time 😂 and as you all know I haven't exactly been living like a nun. The antibiotics are lined up next to the pints of water as I type.

MrD is lining up some films we can watch and bringing his best cooking skills to the fore. I have to say, being looked after by him is proving just as much a turn on as the sex 😊😅😍

DS heading to Uni today 😭 but has been very cool about the whole dating thing (I haven't shared all the gory details) & DD is being very cooperative as well. In her deadpan laconic way she has told me 'you're allowed to have a private life and date someone, just don't tell me how you feel about it'. As long as I don't tell her anything emotional she's happy for me 😆 so it's full steam ahead, as it were.

I'm feeling really positive about the whole thing. And trying not to look for the negatives.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Thanks for your input Ibelieve and bella. I'm nowhere near anything so can't do pub/restaurant/hotel. But it's a great idea to do daytime stuff together before nighttime issues come up, and I could make it clear that spare room is the default, only to be reneged on if I beg...😅

Exactly, the whole walking around some lovely scenery whilst thinking about whether you lean in for a snuggle on the walk or later, can take all the tension out of a potential overnight meet.

Good luck 🤞🏽

@WeWantTheFinestWines, based on your meetings and conversations so far do you think you are both expecting/hoping to have sex sooner rather than later? I can be a bit ‘ oh feck it’ and commit myself to something like you are suggesting- well in the past I have. I think invite him as long as you are as sure as you can be that if one of you isn’t feeling it by the evening then going home or spare room is an acceptable back up.

@BelladiMamma what a pain, hope you can shift the UTI soon.

I’ve come down with a cold just as I have some child free nights to see Mr Beard, grrr.

Wish I could have made it to the meet up, was hoping to combine it with a work visit (I work remotely but there’s a London office) but for a few weeks now my work have been telling people to stay away and work from home.

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Not really my place to comment, but if your not really feeling it don’t have sex to quickly, (this is coming from someone who has a penis), as moves along quite a lot and sex becomes an expectation and it’s hard (impossible) to row back from that, as others say do more “day stuff “, sounds a bit like he likes you more than you like him at the moment

think this meme sums up pretty much everything you ever need to know about dating ...

Love it !!!! I’ll be sharing that

Shit I have the word ‘fun’ in my profile
But , that’s what I want and so far the guys I’m chatting with are nice