Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped with no explanation

183 replies

starylight · 10/01/2022 09:21

My boyfriend of 4.5 years finished with me completely out of the blue this weekend. No explanation, I simply got a text message saying not to contact him anymore and then he changed his FB status to single immediately. There's children on both sides (we have none together) who will be so upset. I just don't know what to do. I feel sick!

OP posts:
bloomingheck1 · 11/01/2022 00:38

I'd probably message back like okay fair enough and maybe he'd text back with you not being that bothered and then if not, doesn't really matter anyway.

I'm so sorry op, hopefully dc 6 will get over it soon

GloriaSicTransitMundi · 11/01/2022 00:45

PurpleSproutingSomething
Here's the other thread PP are talking about www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?msgid=93271364#93271364

From that thread: This thread should be copied 1,000,000 times, bound with silver, tied in a big red fuck off ribbon and sent to everyone who is experiencing a break up! It’s a real tonic.

IamGusFring · 11/01/2022 00:52

This refers to a book which is a useful insight to why men just runaway .

www.news24.com/w24/selfcare/love/relationship/runaway-husbands-when-your-loving-partner-walks-out-of-your-marriage-without-an-explanation-20210709

Snorkmaidenn · 11/01/2022 00:59

Do not text him, it will make him feel important.

Pack his stuff away in the shed.

It will get easier as weeks go by and you will be glad you didn't reply.

So sorry you have wasted this amount of your life on such a dick.

nalabae · 11/01/2022 01:01

This happened to me once with a guy I was seeing for 10montns. He randomly left my house in the morning and blocked me. It was bizarre when I managed to get him to answer the phone he accused me of being a prositute and he went through my phone.
I looked at the messages in my phone and nothing showed or even gave the empression I had sex for money.

After this we got back together and he accused me of writing his mother a letter about him but he didn’t show me it.

The guy was completely nuts and his drug habit didn’t help, glad I dodged that bullet

nalabae · 11/01/2022 01:02

Impression

AcrossthePond55 · 11/01/2022 01:26

IF I were to respond at all I'd just text three words "Fine with me". Asking for an explanation, I think, would be useless since if he was going to explain at all he'd have done it in the break up message.

In the end I don't think it matters exactly what his reason was, the fact is that he's a coward who didn't have the balls to tell you why. And who needs someone like that in their life anyway?

Tell your son that friends come in and out of our lives and sometimes they leave in an 'unhappy' way. But that soon there will be other friends to take their place.

Feelingoktoday · 11/01/2022 07:49

@AcrossthePond55

IF I were to respond at all I'd just text three words "Fine with me". Asking for an explanation, I think, would be useless since if he was going to explain at all he'd have done it in the break up message.

In the end I don't think it matters exactly what his reason was, the fact is that he's a coward who didn't have the balls to tell you why. And who needs someone like that in their life anyway?

Tell your son that friends come in and out of our lives and sometimes they leave in an 'unhappy' way. But that soon there will be other friends to take their place.

This.

Sorry OP. It is rude and cowardly. Not worth knowing.

Bangheadhere40 · 11/01/2022 07:55

What a horrible cowardly man, a blessing in disguise for you I think.

Original poster
starylight · 11/01/2022 12:30

I needed to get his stuff out of my house so I text his sister and dropped it off to hers this morning. Ended up being a blubbering mess in front of her which is not what I wanted to do, am so cross with myself. I don't need what I've got at his.

OP posts:
2Gen · 11/01/2022 12:44

@Crumbs22

This is terrible and I am so sorry you are going through this. It's just extreme so I would not respond or have any contact (unless he has belongings to remove from your house?) and to take it all at face value, awful as it is. Please focus your time and effort on yourself and your children. Depending on their ages, it would be best to tell them more or less the truth if possible and definitely NOT make excuses for him.

Yes of course you deserve much more respect and treatment than this but then there is no reason to show him any either so I would basically treat him as if he were dead and move on as well as you can.

This! I'm sorry OP, that was a disgusting thing to do to you but, as you've observed coldness in him before, and now this, I'd say you're well rid. If he did come crawling back and you took him back, I'd imagine you'd always be waiting for him to do it again. It'd be like living under the Sword of Damocles, which is no way to live at all! Grieve for the man you thought he was, then, like the above poster says, live like he's dead and move on. You will recover from this! All the very best.
Badbaddog · 11/01/2022 13:20

@starylight

I needed to get his stuff out of my house so I text his sister and dropped it off to hers this morning. Ended up being a blubbering mess in front of her which is not what I wanted to do, am so cross with myself. I don't need what I've got at his.
Ah bless you, don’t beat yourself up, you’re only human. Any sister worthy of the name would completely understand how you felt, and would go off and give her revolting brother what for as well! Shame on him.
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 13:35

I think you're doing brilliantly. Good for uou for not texting him. I read that dumped by text thread last week and gained a lot of strength from it.

Someone who can do this to you after 4 years is a coward and not worth your time. He doesn't deserve to hear from you.

I've a feeling he will be in touch eventually. I hope you tell him to bog off when he does.

Fruitandnuts · 11/01/2022 13:41

You're only human. Be kind to yourself. I agree he'll be back in touch, hold your dignity and leave him in silence, let him really feel your absence. No negging or paragraph texts, men only feel justified if you do that, ' she's crazy'. I think crying with his sister is normal, she'd probably expect that and has likely her own stories to tell over men.

He'll feel the loss when he collects his things, let him have a taste of his own medicine. If he doesnt contact you, dont jump, take your time, actions have consequences for him.

Nanny0gg · 11/01/2022 13:49

@starylight

I still haven't decided what to do about replying. I guarantee he'll think I'm going to text which makes me not want to. My youngest has been fairly upset tonight about it all and I'm sat here feeling awful as well. Not sure how to even begin to process it!
I'd be very tempted to write a letter in with his belongings telling him how badly he's treated the children. You don't care about how he's treated you as you're an adult, but it was inexcusable to behave that way to children.
UserBot989 · 11/01/2022 14:02

@starylight

I needed to get his stuff out of my house so I text his sister and dropped it off to hers this morning. Ended up being a blubbering mess in front of her which is not what I wanted to do, am so cross with myself. I don't need what I've got at his.
You are human. You are not a robot. That is all you showed 💐
Duckschmuck · 11/01/2022 14:29

Your aim, is to protect yourself and your self respect. Crying when returning his things via someone else, is a completely natural reaction and actually shows that you aren't disordered like him. It also shows that despite his shabby behaviour towards you, you are honouring his wishes, in not contacting him. Although it feels humiliating, it isn't, you are showing your strength and integrity, keep going!!

Winniemarysarah · 11/01/2022 14:34

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

Winniemarysarah · 11/01/2022 14:34

I suggest you read the link I posted and ignore the nasty fucker

Original poster
starylight · 11/01/2022 14:39

@Winniemarysarah Thank you, I'll have a read of that later.

OP posts:
Original poster
starylight · 11/01/2022 14:44

Despite me blubbering away to his sister, she was actually very nice. She didn't even know he'd split up with me. She said that after 4 years he owed me an explanation, but I said I don't think that'll ever come. In hindsight I should have linked together all the times he was cold but when it's just now and again you don't really notice. Not sure how you begin to process something like this that has come from nowhere. I'm finding it hard to console my 6 year old, he doesn't remember a time before He was in the picture. He doesn't seem to fully understand that he's not coming back. Why have I ended up with all this crap and he's just swanned off like I never existed? I'm so angry with him.

OP posts:
Wiredforsound · 11/01/2022 14:57

I’d deep freeze him. You’ve dropped off his stuff and talked things through with his sister. He’s possibly annoyed that you pulled him up on being rude to your child, he may have someone else on the go…it could be a range of things. Whatever, he’s probably waiting on a response from you. Any response is attention. Getting rid of his stuff is great - now you don’t need to communicate with him. Don’t even bother blocking him on social media but do delete his number in case you are inclined to phone or message him.

Fruitandnuts · 11/01/2022 15:01

not surprised he didnt tell his sister, men dont talk about these type of things. However she will tell him his things are there so he wont be able to brush it off. She'll be asking wtf is he at.

he'll likely be somewhere staring out the window or at his bellybutton fluff.

Crumbs22 · 11/01/2022 15:11

@starylight

Despite me blubbering away to his sister, she was actually very nice. She didn't even know he'd split up with me. She said that after 4 years he owed me an explanation, but I said I don't think that'll ever come. In hindsight I should have linked together all the times he was cold but when it's just now and again you don't really notice. Not sure how you begin to process something like this that has come from nowhere. I'm finding it hard to console my 6 year old, he doesn't remember a time before He was in the picture. He doesn't seem to fully understand that he's not coming back. Why have I ended up with all this crap and he's just swanned off like I never existed? I'm so angry with him.
I am so sorry OP. The consequence to your 6 yr old is unforgiveable. It's a shock to your system so please, please just take care of yourself and children. Do nice things for them and yourself and please don't ever blame yourself.