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Original poster

Dumped with no explanation

183 replies

starylight · 10/01/2022 09:21

My boyfriend of 4.5 years finished with me completely out of the blue this weekend. No explanation, I simply got a text message saying not to contact him anymore and then he changed his FB status to single immediately. There's children on both sides (we have none together) who will be so upset. I just don't know what to do. I feel sick!

OP posts:
Pieceofpurplesky · 10/01/2022 17:15

Text him a non-emotional message.

Thanks for the text. Please could you package up my belongings and arrange to have them delivered. I will have yours ready for collection.

Purpleraspberry · 10/01/2022 17:21

@Pieceofpurplesky

Text him a non-emotional message.

Thanks for the text. Please could you package up my belongings and arrange to have them delivered. I will have yours ready for collection.

I agree with this. If you text him make it unemotional as he doesn't deserve anything more.

If you make it emotional or say anything like 'hope you are ok', it comes across like you are a soft touch and why should you show you care after what he did to you. Make it no bullsh*t, matter of fact. It'll hurt his ego more.

If he is having a mental health crisis, all will become clear soon enough anyway, you will more likely find out if you don't run after him.

thenewduchessoflapland · 10/01/2022 17:23

@starylight

I'm torn between texting him to finding out what his reasons were and not texting him to keep my dignity. I don't reckon I'd get a reply though anyway.
He's met someone else and is too chicken shit to admit it.

Given how cold and disrespectful his behaviour is your definitely better off without him.

Duckschmuck · 10/01/2022 17:33

I had similar in length of time and family situation and being told by text, it is so hard, but he'd told me by treating me that way everything I needed to know about him and us. I do think in hindsight there was someone else, but it really doesn't matter because this behaviour was so far over the line that it wasn't even relevant.

You deserve better, I can imagine very few situations where that level of callousness is acceptable. He has shown you who he is, believe him and don't look back.

HaggisBurger · 10/01/2022 19:09

Wow. What an asshole in that case.

coldfeetmama · 10/01/2022 19:39

I would absolutely not reply
No questions
No drama
I would not give him the satisfaction of letting him know I was confused / concerned / interested

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/01/2022 19:46

@Pieceofpurplesky

Text him a non-emotional message.

Thanks for the text. Please could you package up my belongings and arrange to have them delivered. I will have yours ready for collection.

This.

Gird your loins and send it quickly. Have his stuff packed neatly into boxes tonight. Your teen can help.

Have him done and dusted by this weekend. Sod him and his twattishnes.

Pinkbonbon · 10/01/2022 19:51

Another vote for non emotional message. But id hold off for the night. Get all his stuff packed and readf and let him sweat thinking you reagent going to reply.

That being said though, if you can just drop his stuff at his parents house or have a pal (preferably one who doesn't like him) take his stuff round to his, then I wouldn't bother messaging him at all.

He'll be expecting crying and begging. Don't give him any satisfaction. It sounds to me like this is a punishment for daring to pull him up on his shitty behaviour. Typical narcissist move. You're well rid of him. Don't let him backtrack.

Pinkbonbon · 10/01/2022 19:52

*you aren't going to reply

KissedintheDark · 10/01/2022 19:52

Like you say, op, there's no point in messaging him if he you know he won't explain.
I think he's kept it vague so you'll do the running round after him.
I'd let him go, he's not worth pursuing Give it 2 months and he'll be in contact with you again, these flounces always do.
By then you'll have practiced your 'fuck off' to a fine art.

ListeningButNotHearing · 10/01/2022 19:57

Text him a non-emotional message.

Thanks for the text. Please could you package up my belongings and arrange to have them delivered. I will have yours ready for collection.

                                     /\/\/\/\ THIS  /\/\/\/\

To do that to you is beyond contempt, but to do that to a 6 year old is the lowest of the low.

sunnyzweibrucken · 10/01/2022 20:05

He's met someone else and is too chicken shit to admit it.

I think this is what it is.

My ex-fiance of 4 yrs ghosted/dumped me. Found out months later he met someone else and married them. We were long distance but I had just seen him about 6 months before and we were in regular contact. It was very devastating. It's a cowardly thing to do.

Fishlipandtoeface · 10/01/2022 20:14

Definitely agree to not send anything emotional. He doesn’t deserve it and it will be a dent to his ego. Act unfazed. I’m sorry though it’s very shit behaviour and I hope you’re ok, I agree with others he doesn’t sound very nice anyway. Brew

dopple · 10/01/2022 20:14

Is it stuff you could live without? I think not message first unless he wants his stuff then send the non emotional message of him coming to collect. Keep for a month if it's not claimed get rid.

SiobhanSharpe · 10/01/2022 20:15

I wouldn't even thank him for the text. Just say 'I received your text. Please pack up my belongings....' etc

Original poster
starylight · 10/01/2022 20:39

The things I have at his I could probably do without. He's got more at mine, some of it reasonably expensive.

OP posts:
starray · 10/01/2022 20:40

@Pieceofpurplesky

Text him a non-emotional message.

Thanks for the text. Please could you package up my belongings and arrange to have them delivered. I will have yours ready for collection.

I like that. That's good. Cold as ice.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2022 20:55

I would strip out the thanks from the fab message someone suggested and go with:

"Ok. Please could you package up my belongings and arrange to have them delivered. I will have yours ready for collection."

Or if you would rather draw a line under things and not try to get your stuff back, maybe just:

👍🏻

ArdeaCinerea · 10/01/2022 21:21

If he's sulky after you told him off for being rude to your child, the breakup may be revenge, and he may be waiting now for you to respond asking for an explanation, to cry, beg, be sad, ask for his forgiveness etc. Sounds like he's a narcissist type, tbh. They get off on this kind of abrupt, unexplained cutting off of people they were close with, and they get supply and validation from the (entirely normal!) emotional reaction of the other person.

If you can do without the items you have at his, I don't think you owe him giving him back his stuff. After all, he did tell you not to contact him again and didn't make any mention of personal belongings, which means he forfeits his right to them. In my experience narcs tend to interpret even decent logical actions like contacting them to give them their stuff back as you "looking for an excuse to see them" because you adore them and want them back. It gives him an ego boost. If he contacts again to ask for his stuff, give it to him, otherwise, I'd just give him complete silence forever.

Pinkbonbon · 10/01/2022 21:39

Whilst I agree with pp, I actually would look to give him his stuff back ASAP as otherwise, it gives him an 'in' to attempt at any point. Tell him his stuff will be brought round at *time and place. Have a friend take it round and if he does not answer the door, have her leave it and take a picture as proof. Then message the picture along with 'as you were not there as planned to pick up your items, they have been left for you to collect at your leisure'.

As for your stuff, if he doesn't give it to the friend at that time, probably best to let it go. No doubt you'll get a message a month down the line when he has shagged about a bit and wants to reel you back, with 'don't you want your things?'. But you can just go 'nope, byeeeee'.

tarasmalatarocks · 10/01/2022 21:49

@2bazookas. I think you have it in one— not necessarily another woman but something has gone on that he is too embarrassed or ashamed for OP to know. I certainly would ask for your stuff back OP

Winniewonka · 10/01/2022 21:53

I'm normally a polite person but I would even drop please from the fab message.
Okay. Can you package up my belongings etc.

You deserve to be treated with respect, he doesn't.

2DogsOnMySofa · 10/01/2022 22:01

There was a thread on the relationship boards at year (i think) about a man who dumped his dp via text, his parting shot was 'no need to reply' have a read, it's very similar and the op was an inspiration. I'll see if I can find it.

FitnessKeepItGoing · 10/01/2022 22:06

Don't give him the satisfaction of replying. Hold your head up high and walk away in a dignified way. Leave the shit where he belongs - beneath you.

Honeyroar · 10/01/2022 22:07

What a rude, cowardly, cruel, cold, selfish and heartless man. I think you’d actually be perfectly dignified saying that to him. And tell him he’s made it very easy to walk away from him.

Look after yourself and your children.

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