Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner threw baby's jumparoo

239 replies

confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:08

I have NC for this but I post regularly.

I have an almost 9 month old baby. Tonight my partner threw the baby's jumparoo across the room in anger (baby wasn't in it but witnessed it and looked scared). The context was a disagreement about how long he would be out for that evening drinking with his friend. I have felt unwell all day and unsteady on my feet / shaky. I dropped a cup in the kitchen by accident and coffee went everywhere. I was cleaning it up and he came down - mid getting ready to go out drinking with his mate - sighed and then threw the jumparoo across the room in front of the baby. He did apologise before he went out, but he said it was in frustration because he thought I had "dropped the cup deliberately" to stall him leaving to go out (he was upstairs when this happened anyway and I didn't ask for any help cleaning it up).

I don't what to to do. It was so unnecessarily aggressive and our baby looked genuinely frightened. It's not the first time he's been aggressive- never physically but just raising his voice at me etc. but this is the first time in front of the baby.

He and his mate are coming back here in a few hours and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 20:47

He's messaged to say he will be home in an hour. I don't even know what to say to him anymore. He doesn't get it, any of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 20:48

@girlmom21

If you asked him to go to his friends do you think he would or do you think that would aggravate him?

He would do if, but I don't think he'd be happy about it

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 09/01/2022 20:52

OP ignore the unhelpful people.

I have started a new emotional abuse support thread if you would be interested, you are very welcome.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4449333-Emotionally-Abusive-Controlling-Unhealthy-Relationship-Support-Thread

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 20:55

Thank you @BertieBotts x

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 20:57

I've actually realised that I dislike him a lot. I don't know what has kept me with him so long.

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 09/01/2022 20:57

He would do if, but I don't think he'd be happy about it

It might be the best thing to do tonight. It will show him how serious his behaviour today was. Although with all his comments about you being manipulative I don’t think you can get through to him on any meaningful level. But asking him not to come back draws a boundary that throwing stuff in front of you and your baby is absolutely unacceptable to you.

georgarina · 09/01/2022 21:05

Hi @confusedandupset22 I'm sorry you're going through this. This sounds a lot like the beginning of my mum's relationship with her second husband. It started out with things like this, and then calling her all the time when she was out, then not letting her go out. Normal was a sliding scale that kept changing. I kept thinking, THIS time she'll snap out of it, THIS will be the moment she actually calls the police instead of threatening it. But she never did.

I got concussion from him slamming my head in a door, I got hit with a hot pot from the stove in the middle of me cooking dinner. It was like that every single night. It was a living nightmare. It started from things like you describe, the shouting and throwing things. I was taken away by social services at 10.

I know it seems like a little thing but it's not a little thing. And as your sense of normal changes, everything becomes just a little thing, not big enough to leave.

mathanxiety · 09/01/2022 21:11

I hope you can shake off the ignorant posts and stick around for support.

Maybe get the thread moved to Relationships.

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 21:12

How do I get the thread moved?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 09/01/2022 21:13

If you report your own post to MN they can move it for you

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 21:14

@georgarina I'm so sorry you went through that, it sounds horrendous x

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 21:15

@BertieBotts

If you report your own post to MN they can move it for you

Thanks, done that

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 09/01/2022 21:21

I’m glad the thread has helped a bit, I hope you can ignore the victim blamers. You are not at fault, and it’s not a healthy atmosphere. It’s funny how much more common pnd is in women with unsupportive partners, so don’t beat yourself up about that (it’s not funny, it’s very depressing and obvious). Even if you can’t think of definitive action now, you can start to think about it and make plans. You’ll get through the pnd, it won’t be forever.

pollyparrot45 · 09/01/2022 21:30

If someone treated your baby like that in the future then what would you advise them to do?

I bet you'd want them out of there. Invest in them learning this is not okay right now and walk away before it becomes normal for them.

Make sure they know their mum keeps them save above anything else.

I know it's hard and I know you won't magically have somewhere to go tonight. Don't continue the row but start making plans to leave.

afizzysweet · 09/01/2022 21:42

Nothing to add OP but didn't want to read and run. Take care of yourself. Whether he felt you were doing something intententionally or not (I don't think you did) then he shouldn't be throwing things.

afizzysweet · 09/01/2022 21:43

And throwing a jumperoo isn't just like throwing a teddy...they're huge.

girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 21:46

I suppose at least if his friends with him he won't act like an abusive tosser tonight. Stay safe OP.

Pinotpleasure · 09/01/2022 21:47

@confusedandupset22

I would strongly urge you to do the free online course called the ‘Freedom Programme’ - see the link below:

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Hope this helps. My best wishes to you xx

Fuckmyliferightnow · 09/01/2022 21:50

@confusedandupset22
You've posted this in AIBU, please report and have this moved to relationships. Some people's responses are just downright disgusting and are probably bullies themselves.
Get your thread moved for some proper advice.
I've lived with this type of man before and I'm sure your depression is not just down to having had a baby.

IsThePopeCatholic · 09/01/2022 21:55

It looks like you don’t like or respect each other. If you can’t see your future together, you may as well call it a day now and not prolong the agony. Good luck.

longtompot · 09/01/2022 22:07

I had pnd and used to sob when my dh was off out to work or the occasional evening out, but I would tell him as soon as he had gone I would be okay and for him to just go. Never once did he accuse me of being manipulative to make him stay, and he would have stayed if I really needed him to.

Sexnotgender · 09/01/2022 22:19

Are you financially dependent on him? Would you be ok on your own?

When do you go back to work?

CousinKrispy · 09/01/2022 22:29

Big hugs, OP. I agree that it's likely your mental health will improve when you're no longer living with an abusive, aggressive partner, I certainly found it so. And fuck that poster who was yelping about "broken homes"--far better for my child to be growing up in a home where she doesn't see her mum being abused and intimidated, so you can fuck right off.

Please try to ignore the horrible victim blaming on here (like you CHOOSE to cry in front of your baby, when it's a symptom of your PND?!) and focus on the support.

Please call Women's Aid for additional support and advice.

Heartofglass12345 · 09/01/2022 23:03

Are you ok? Is he home yet?

I can't see how some of the people on here have come to the conclusions they have. It's entirely reasonable to want your partner to help you with your baby and not to bring a friend back to drink for god knows how long when you have a baby there.

Throwing something across the room is unacceptable.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 09/01/2022 23:06

@Heartofglass12345

Are you ok? Is he home yet?

I can't see how some of the people on here have come to the conclusions they have. It's entirely reasonable to want your partner to help you with your baby and not to bring a friend back to drink for god knows how long when you have a baby there.

Throwing something across the room is unacceptable.

I agree, and even if people don't think OP is being reasonable at some stuff (I do, but some don't) a jumperoo is annoyingly fucking massive a thing to throw in the presence of a little baby.

I'm embarrassed for the posters who think this is acceptable. What a low bar.