Partner threw baby's jumparoo

[confusedandupset22]

I have NC for this but I post regularly.

I have an almost 9 month old baby. Tonight my partner threw the baby's jumparoo across the room in anger (baby wasn't in it but witnessed it and looked scared). The context was a disagreement about how long he would be out for that evening drinking with his friend. I have felt unwell all day and unsteady on my feet / shaky. I dropped a cup in the kitchen by accident and coffee went everywhere. I was cleaning it up and he came down - mid getting ready to go out drinking with his mate - sighed and then threw the jumparoo across the room in front of the baby. He did apologise before he went out, but he said it was in frustration because he thought I had "dropped the cup deliberately" to stall him leaving to go out (he was upstairs when this happened anyway and I didn't ask for any help cleaning it up).

I don't what to to do. It was so unnecessarily aggressive and our baby looked genuinely frightened. It's not the first time he's been aggressive- never physically but just raising his voice at me etc. but this is the first time in front of the baby.

He and his mate are coming back here in a few hours and I don't know what to do.

@colourfulpuddles are you trying to be as vile as possible?

@colourfulpuddles

Well I didn't force him to pick up an item and launch it across the room in front of a baby, so you could argue that I am innocent.

and he just got frustrated and angry from nothing. That doesn’t happen

You seriously think all abusive men are driven to it by their partners? Come on.

Even if the OP was the wicked witch of the west, which I see no reason to assume, it still wouldn’t excuse throwing heavy things across the kitchen in front of a baby. The only one responsible for his behaviour is him.

@girlmom21

OP, did he throw the jumperoo out of frustration across the room or did it hit the cupboard when he moved it out the way in a grump, if you reflect on it now?

He threw it, quite some distance.

Do you feel safe being there when he comes home drunk? Was he angry when he left?

Why are you cherry picking what you reply to?

And no, I'm sure he didn't get frustrated and angry from nowhere. I get frustrated and angry with him, too. I deal with it by saying "that thing you said / did really pissed me off, can we talk about it please?" As opposed to you know, launching items across the room in front of a baby. 🙄

@colourfulpuddles are you her DH? because if you're not, you're just being horrible now.

Her DH THREW a large piece of equipment across the floor because she dropped a cup of coffee.

Is that normal in your world? Because it fucking isn't in mine.

@colourfulpuddles

I think it would be a major overreaction on your part to leave over this. He was frustrated, but he helped you clean up and apologised, and I don’t think you’re as innocent as you’re trying to make yourself out to be here.

You’re attempting to come across all doe-eyed but I think your behaviour has a huge part to play here, you’re just hiding it.

Going out drinking for a few hours is not unreasonable. 9.30pm is not late.

He also has a point about you crying in front of the baby - illness or not, that’s not healthy for your baby to see and she shouldn’t have to witness it. She will be picking up on your feelings and this will affect her emotionally, even this young.

Are you seeking help for your PND? It can be exhausting living with someone with mental health issues, particularly when they try and come across how you are attempting here.

So hes a poor man who's apologised while the OP is a manipulative woman who is over reacting. Bloody hell. Some of these posts are disgusting. Trying to convince op that she is wrong, that he just pushed it and didnt throw it. Wtf?

I think that, if you were feeling unwell he should have cancelled his plans. If he was going out drinking at 4pm, then why would you want someone who has had several drinks to help settle your baby? And if it takes a while to settle, then it's a bit awkward for his mate sat around. I think that you were also unreasonable to ask him to end his night at 7pm. The most logical thing would have been for him to settle the baby and then head out at 8pm for several hours instead.

@colourfulpuddles take a step back from the thread. This isn't helping anyone.

@colourfulpuddles You are a vile person. I really can’t believe you would come on here and minimise such abusive behaviour and then put the blame squarely on OP - even criticising her for crying with PND. Go back to the hole you came from.

@colourfulpuddles just leave the thread if you haven't got anything helpful to add. What exactly have I lied about?! And where is your evidence? Utterly vile. Just go away.

Nice bit of victim blaming from @colourfulpuddles there.

You’re lucky puddles if you have no experience of a nasty aggressive man in your home scaring you and your DCs.

Those of us who do know that there doesn’t need to be any provocation for an arsehole like this to show his true colours. They can manufacture an argument out of nothing.

colourfulpuddles that is disgusting. Wtf is wrong with you. And the last few posts you lecture OP for crying in front of her baby while making excuses for the man throwing things about.
Take a look at yourself. Whats gone wrong in your life for you to be like this?

@colourfulpuddles you are absolutely disgusting. Seriously. You are spouting vile shit. You need help. I dont know who you are abusing that you feel the need to blame the victim but i hope they see you for what you are and get help to get as far away from you as possible. Youre sick and dangerous.

The reason so many of us jump to LTB is because we recognize the story because we have lived it.

I lived it as the child. It doesn’t matter how many nice moments there are when you never know when your father is going to turn into a monster. Even if he only directs his anger towards your mother, that is enough to teach you to live in constant fear and that you must be responsible for the emotions of other people.

YABU to tell him what time he can go out still, especially when he rarely goes out - that is controlling.

He is very unreasonable to throw the the jumparoo even if it was in the way - it’s also concerning that this isn’t the first time he’s become aggressive.

It’s concerning that he thought you had purposely dropped the cup.

I think this relationship seems quite suffocating.

Can you afford couples therapy? I would say there is right and wrong on both sides and I think you need to talk about it without arguing.

@stingofthebutterfly

I really wish people would stop using the phrase 'broken homes'. It's really damaging for children whose parents aren't together for whatever reason to hear (think how shit that feels for them when they hear the term) and is an unnecessarily nasty description of someone else's family.

Could this be moved to relationships? There are a lot of apologists for abusive men on this thread. You'd get a more compassionate response there.

Isn’t colourful puddles just her partner?

She said he told her to stop crying in front of the baby before..

Again I didn't tell him what time he can go out til. I asked him if he would compromise with me. That's a very different thing.

Going out drinking for a few hours is not unreasonable. 9.30pm is not late.

The OP hasn't said that going out for a few hours is unreasonable or that 9.30pm is late.

She asked him to be home to help with bedtime because she is unwell. Nobody should ever feel afraid to asked that of their life partner.

His behaviour is abusive and very likely to escalate.

Supporting the comparison of throwing the jumparoo across the room with the OP crying because she is ill is toxic.

I wish that people who don't understand coercive control would just not post on these threads.