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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner threw baby's jumparoo

239 replies

confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:08

I have NC for this but I post regularly.

I have an almost 9 month old baby. Tonight my partner threw the baby's jumparoo across the room in anger (baby wasn't in it but witnessed it and looked scared). The context was a disagreement about how long he would be out for that evening drinking with his friend. I have felt unwell all day and unsteady on my feet / shaky. I dropped a cup in the kitchen by accident and coffee went everywhere. I was cleaning it up and he came down - mid getting ready to go out drinking with his mate - sighed and then threw the jumparoo across the room in front of the baby. He did apologise before he went out, but he said it was in frustration because he thought I had "dropped the cup deliberately" to stall him leaving to go out (he was upstairs when this happened anyway and I didn't ask for any help cleaning it up).

I don't what to to do. It was so unnecessarily aggressive and our baby looked genuinely frightened. It's not the first time he's been aggressive- never physically but just raising his voice at me etc. but this is the first time in front of the baby.

He and his mate are coming back here in a few hours and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
BunsOfAnarchy · 09/01/2022 18:29

EXdh lashed out in anger at me when DD was 1.
He would never physically hurt me and he loves his DD to death. It was just shouting and very intimidating body movements (rushing down the stairs like he wanted to hit me, squaring up flailing hands about etc)
But seeing DDs face of utter fear is all I needed to leave that man. Because lashing out in anger over sweet fuck all is not right. Ever. My exDh did similar to your partner, chucking things and banging doors etc a lot. The incident when she was 1 was the decider though.
The more you let it slide the easier it will become for him to repeat this in front of your child.
Honestly, I'd make steps to separate.

Theimpossiblegirl · 09/01/2022 18:29

I'm sorry op, you need to make a plan to keep yourself and your baby safe. This will escalate. He's shown you exactly who he is. Don't leave your baby with him, please.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/01/2022 18:29

I couldn't be with someone who didn't trust or seem to like me very much. Nor could I be with someone who dared to ever raise his voice to me in an aggressive manner. You deserve better.

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:31

Would it be an overreaction for me to leave him over this one incident though? He has been such loving dad to our baby so far. He's never done anything like this. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 09/01/2022 18:35

Just frustration it sounds like, maybe because of questioning about his drinking times on his night out.. Not an excuse to leave someone.

PleasantBirthday · 09/01/2022 18:35

No, it would not be an overreaction. If you wait, there will be further incidents until he does something which you will never forgive yourself for allowing.

JohannSebastianBach · 09/01/2022 18:36

It would not be an overreaction.

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:36

Also when I said to him afterwards that really wasn't ok, he said "well baby sees you crying so that's upsetting the baby too". 😳

Like that's the same?! He's referring to my postnatal illness when he says that, and comparing it to his aggression. Unbelievable. I'm so angry.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 09/01/2022 18:39

You need to leave him. Get the hell away from him as soon as you can.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/01/2022 18:40

I don't really understand why you posted, then have ignored all advice to leave.

What do you want us to tell you?

If he is verbally aggressive, you need to end it. If he starts chucking your baby's stuff around, you need to leave.

Does he need to hit you or the baby before you take this seriously? Please take it seriously. There are many women on here who have been through this and who are offering you their advice and experience.

Waspsarearseholes · 09/01/2022 18:40

@1forAll74

Just frustration it sounds like, maybe because of questioning about his drinking times on his night out.. Not an excuse to leave someone.
What the actual fuck?
Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:42

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I'm not ignoring the advice, I'm questioning it. There's a difference. It's not so easy to just up and leave with a baby and nowhere to go.

OP posts:
PleasantBirthday · 09/01/2022 18:43

Well, no, it's not easy but what is the alternative?

ThreeLittleDots · 09/01/2022 18:44

Nobody can tell you what to do. It's your decision, but you are justified in your feelings and your partner seems uncaring and abusive.

RunningFromInsanity · 09/01/2022 18:44

This is how it starts. How it always starts.

Verbal aggression. Then physical aggression. Then he will thrown things. Then he will throw things in front of the baby. Then he will push you out the way. Then he will push you whilst you are holding the baby. Then…

LuchiMangsho · 09/01/2022 18:45

Someone who throws their baby’s equipment and is profoundly unsupportive of the baby’s mother is not a GOOD dad no matter how loving he may appear. He’s an abusive father and it is not in the best interest of your child to be exposed to this.
Does he throw furniture around at work when he’s frustrated? No? I wonder why not.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/01/2022 18:45

If my daughter posted this on here I'd want her to call me. I'd then drive hundreds of miles to scoop her up until we could figure out what to do.

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:46

@ThreeLittleDots

If my daughter posted this on here I'd want her to call me. I'd then drive hundreds of miles to scoop her up until we could figure out what to do.

I wish I had you as my parent. Mine wouldn't do this. Sad

OP posts:
Chely · 09/01/2022 18:47

Unacceptable behaviour, I'd be leaving him.

londonrach · 09/01/2022 18:47

Are you safe..can you call someone...please think ..do you want your baby to be scared like that again...next time baby might be in it...

billy1966 · 09/01/2022 18:48

Speak to Women's aid OP.

This is not a good man.

Contact your GP for support.

You poor woman.

girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 18:48

Is your PND diagnosed? Could you ask him to talk to a doctor or health visitor to try and get a better understanding of what the illness is and what it means for you?

Are you on medication or having therapy?

I don't think his anger is acceptable and I do worry that he's escalating but I can also see this would be really hard for you to leave.

stingofthebutterfly · 09/01/2022 18:49

The solution to everything on Mumsnet is to split up with him because all men are bastards and one act of throwing a child's toy when he's annoyed with you is tantamount to abuse. No wonder so many children come from broken homes when people aren't willing to work at their relationship. Nobody values family anymore. It's sad.

He was pissed off. He threw a toy and apologised. Nobody got hurt. Yeah, he's an idiot, but this is nothing to lose a relationship over and screw your child's relationship with their dad up over. Just talk to the guy when you've both calmed down and you're feeling better.

I'd tell him not to bring his mates back tonight though.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/01/2022 18:49

Please consider reaching out to someone IRL, and / or Women's Aid. What's your home set-up? Renting, whose names on lease etc?

HippeePrincess · 09/01/2022 18:49

Verbal aggression? Gas lighting? Then throwing something! This is not an isolated incident, stop kidding yourself OP.

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