Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner threw baby's jumparoo

239 replies

confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:08

I have NC for this but I post regularly.

I have an almost 9 month old baby. Tonight my partner threw the baby's jumparoo across the room in anger (baby wasn't in it but witnessed it and looked scared). The context was a disagreement about how long he would be out for that evening drinking with his friend. I have felt unwell all day and unsteady on my feet / shaky. I dropped a cup in the kitchen by accident and coffee went everywhere. I was cleaning it up and he came down - mid getting ready to go out drinking with his mate - sighed and then threw the jumparoo across the room in front of the baby. He did apologise before he went out, but he said it was in frustration because he thought I had "dropped the cup deliberately" to stall him leaving to go out (he was upstairs when this happened anyway and I didn't ask for any help cleaning it up).

I don't what to to do. It was so unnecessarily aggressive and our baby looked genuinely frightened. It's not the first time he's been aggressive- never physically but just raising his voice at me etc. but this is the first time in front of the baby.

He and his mate are coming back here in a few hours and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/01/2022 18:49

It's not so easy to just up and leave with a baby and nowhere to go

I know it's not. I'm just worried about you and your baby. He doesn't sound like a nice man to live with.

You do need to make a plan. It doesn't have to be immediate or tonight or tomorrow. But you need to keep yourself you and your baby safe. Please.

gamerchick · 09/01/2022 18:49

Does he go out a lot? Seems like an odd reaction as a one off. Either there is other stuff he does you're not saying or you don't like him going out at all and depend on him totally for your emotional needs, which gets to that person eventually and comes out in frustration.

Throwing something is a scary act, what other stuff does he do?

PleasantBirthday · 09/01/2022 18:50

No wonder so many children come from broken homes when people aren't willing to work at their relationship.

Yeah, it needs to be him doing the work.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/01/2022 18:50

stingofthebutterfly

Did you miss the bit where he said he did it because he was paranoid and thought she was being manipulative?

dworky · 09/01/2022 18:52

Throwing things is a precursor to hitting people.

It's a warning from him (although he'll claim differently) & you need to take notice by not giving him the chance to escalate.

stingofthebutterfly · 09/01/2022 18:52

@ThreeLittleDots

stingofthebutterfly

Did you miss the bit where he said he did it because he was paranoid and thought she was being manipulative?

Nope. He apologised. We all get things wrong.
girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 18:52

@stingofthebutterfly you do know what a jumperoo is, right? It's a big metal frame with a big hard lump of plastic in the middle. It's not 'just a toy'.

paradyning · 09/01/2022 18:53

[quote girlmom21]@stingofthebutterfly you do know what a jumperoo is, right? It's a big metal frame with a big hard lump of plastic in the middle. It's not 'just a toy'. [/quote]
Was just going to say exactly the same. It s a huge a huge thing that could cause serious damage

stingofthebutterfly · 09/01/2022 18:53

[quote girlmom21]@stingofthebutterfly you do know what a jumperoo is, right? It's a big metal frame with a big hard lump of plastic in the middle. It's not 'just a toy'. [/quote]
Yep, I know how big a jumperoo is, thanks.

AnxiousWeirdo · 09/01/2022 18:54

Op I don't have any one either. I have no family, no friends and no money but I'm doing it and so can you! It's so hard and there's always an excuse as to why he's doing it but it'll never change, I promise you that at least.

StationaryMagpie · 09/01/2022 18:54

@stingofthebutterfly

The solution to everything on Mumsnet is to split up with him because all men are bastards and one act of throwing a child's toy when he's annoyed with you is tantamount to abuse. No wonder so many children come from broken homes when people aren't willing to work at their relationship. Nobody values family anymore. It's sad.

He was pissed off. He threw a toy and apologised. Nobody got hurt. Yeah, he's an idiot, but this is nothing to lose a relationship over and screw your child's relationship with their dad up over. Just talk to the guy when you've both calmed down and you're feeling better.

I'd tell him not to bring his mates back tonight though.

first he threw a toy, just a little stuffy... then he knocked the furniture over, then he started punching walls, and doors, throwing his computer the length of the room, shouting, swearing, complaining.

Then he threatened to throw a pan of hot fat over me to make me back down in an argument, then he slapped me, and started manhandling my kids.

I put us through that, because i didn't leave when he threw the toy, and knocked the chair over... but sure, its an overreaction to tell my story in warning of how it can escalate.

you give an inch, they'll take the mile, and more.

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 18:55

No he doesn't go out a lot, he does work a lot though so I hardly see him and I look after baby a LOT by myself. I wanted him to compromise tonight with the length of time he'd be out for, i wasn't by any means saying don't go at all. And his mate is also coming back here so he gets to sit drinking with him all night too if he wants. I was just asking him to be home a bit sooner if possible to help with the bed routine as it's difficult and baby doesn't settle well. He lost it and said well there's no point me going out at all then is there?! I said well since your mate is coming back to the house and staying over I don't see why there's no point. Just go out for less time, help me with settling baby for bed, then carry on drinking downstairs if you want? Wasn't good enough for him, apparently. That was the original disagreement. Then I dropped a cup whilst he was getting ready and he decided I was being "manipulative" (despite him being upstairs when it happened and not even aware as I didn't ask for any help cleaning it), and that's when the jumparoo went flying across the room.

OP posts:
Pugroll · 09/01/2022 18:56

@confusedandupset22

Would it be an overreaction for me to leave him over this one incident though? He has been such loving dad to our baby so far. He's never done anything like this. I don't know what to do.
Even if he is a loving dad (not convinced) it doesn't sound like he is a loving partner to you. Suggesting you always weaponising your PND amongst other things, he sounds manipulative and spiteful.
Mouk · 09/01/2022 18:57

Sounds like my ex (father of my kids). I kicked him out and he's his current partners problem now.

thebigpurpleone · 09/01/2022 18:57

You can't turn back the clock but you can change the future and keep your baby safe.

titchy · 09/01/2022 19:02

@confusedandupset22

Would it be an overreaction for me to leave him over this one incident though? He has been such loving dad to our baby so far. He's never done anything like this. I don't know what to do.
It's not one incident though - you said he has a history of verbal aggression. Blokes don't get less aggressive over time, they get more aggressive. Which he has done.
Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 19:02

I'd tell him not to bring his mates back tonight though.

It's just one mate he's bringing back and only because his mate lives a fair distance so he doesn't want to pay for a taxi home apparently.

OP posts:
Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 09/01/2022 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 19:05

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

Are you controlling? Why does he need to be told how long he is out for..?

I wasn't telling him anything, I was asking if he would compromise. Especially since he just sprung this on me last minute that he was going out in the next hour or two.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 09/01/2022 19:06

I understand that you're wondering if you should question your relationship after "one incident". But it's not about tonight. Instead of being supportive about the difficulties of Pnd, he's accusing you of making it up. He's offering you no emotional support and little practical support. He's refusing to accept the difficulties you are facing. That's major.

Original poster
confusedandupset22 · 09/01/2022 19:06

Anyway that discussion ended as it was clear he was going to do what he wanted anyway, so he was upstairs getting ready and I'd accepted that was that, albeit I wasn't overly happy. Next thing he's chucking stuff across the room because I dropped a cup 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
MzHz · 09/01/2022 19:07

He’s showing you (and your baby) who he is

What do you think you should do, knowing that this is only the start?

Emerald5hamrock · 09/01/2022 19:08

Are you controlling? Why does he need to be told how long he is out for..?
Because it is a Sunday afternoon and they have a young baby.
Would it be okay for OP to get drunk and complain about not having enough alcohol in the afternoon? It's parenting.

AutumnAlmanack · 09/01/2022 19:08

Could somebody please enlighten me as to what a jumperoo is?

TracyMosby · 09/01/2022 19:08

His aggression is escalating.

You stayed with him despite him bring aggressive towards you.
Youre making excuses for him despite him being aggressive in front of the baby. with the baby’s property. People who break things in a rage rarely break their own things.

Where is your line in the sand?

He is escalating. This evening it is in front of the baby. Tonight, after he has been drinking, could it be towards the baby?