DP Arrested - Trigger warning DV

[WeyAyeMan]

My dp well ex dp has been arrested and now charged with 5 counts of assault and 1 count of false imprisonment against me on Christmas Day, now remanded in custody till court on Tuesday. I'm a wreck and have severe trauma bonding to him. I'm missing him so much.

I'm around 7 weeks pregnant, home alone with our 8 month old baby and shaking in shock. Has anybody been through similar? The fear of unknown is making it worse.

Sorry to hear you’re having such an awful time. I haven’t been through similar, but didn’t want to read and run.

I think it’s such early days, you’re bound to be in shock and traumatised. After the bank holiday you could try and contact Women’s Aid for support, and accept any help offered.

You and your family deserve so much more than this. You can get through this, and have a happy life.

Do you have any family or friends that could support you?

Please speak to family or friends

Hi OP,

I just want to offer support and caring. I have no expertise or experience. It sounds incredibly hard.

Not sure the circumstances leading to your partner's arrest but it is a good thing that he is being held accountable for his abuse of you. You deserve to be treated well and for you and your children to be safe.

That doesn't take away from how scared you must feel right now.

As we bid goodbye to this year, I am wishing for you a healing year to come, in which you can find freedom from abuse.

Is there anything you can do right now to help you be safe and supported? I am glad you have started this thread and am sure many others with valuable experience will come along to support. I am so sorry for everything you have been through.

I've spoken to women in need and have a key worker already, to be fair the police and other services have been good to me but it's just the shock.

I feel heartbroken, things were calm before they arrested him he had been back to his nice self which is making it worse. I know this is the cycle of abuse, but it's killing me 😢

I went to stay with my brother last night but the baby wouldn't settle so I'm back home in our own bed, it's horrible being back here alone, I know I'm safe, but just feels wrong

How very shocking for you. I'm glad your brother has been there.

Do you think he will be bailed? Are you feeling protected if he were?

Can anyone stay with you?

@Yummypumpkin

How very shocking for you. I'm glad your brother has been there.

Do you think he will be bailed? Are you feeling protected if he were?

The police are recommending he remains remanded in custody after Tuesday, every time they call and update me I'm crying asking if he's said anything, it's terrible.

If they bail him I'll have to go to a refuge

Did he hurt you ?
Did he hurt your young baby?

Stay strong @WeyAyeMan
Keep talking, here and to friends / family in rl. You have your brother, is there anyone else you can talk to for support. Don't worry if you ex has estranged you from them, just tell everyone the truth about your situation and they'll understand.
New Year, new start for you and your babies.

@GrazingSheep

Did he hurt you ? Did he hurt your young baby?

He repeatedly punched me in the face, head nose and mouth, strangled me and shouted he was going to snap my neck, slammed me to the ground, threatened me with the knife and imprisoned me in the house.

If I had of called the police I'd have been dead before they arrived, it appears a neighbour saw me putting the rubbish out spotted the bruises and reported anonymously.

My baby's fine she was asleep in her car seat at the time, unaware it happened, looking at my bruised face funny and repeatedly shouting dadad. It's killing me. There's no one can stay with me tonight

I'm struggling to speak to my sister and friend, they are saying things like I'm glad he's gone etc, which is true but they don't understand trauma bonding and the pain I'm in, I miss the nice man I was in love with terribly

When you miss him, remind yourself that being with him would probably lead to your death.

I hope you can get more help. People will come along to advise. I don't know anything. I wish you well. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

It is a lot to take in. It sounds like you could have been killed, and your unborn child with you, and your other child effectively an orphan.

The missing him is trauma bonding. Keep reading about it. Keep reading about domestic violence stats and psychology. Podcasts, YouTube videos...you need to reclaim your mind now that you have (thankfully) reclaimed your body.

They are glad he's gone because he sounds horrible. Don't think of what you have lost. Wait until you can get councilling to deal with that. Just deal with tonight? Think in the moment.....how long before baby wakes for the next feed? Is there long enough to watch a movie first? Or do a load of washing/ironing? What time will baby be awake in the morning? Do you need to try to sleep soon? Or can you wait and watch the fireworks at midnight. Do you need to sterilise any bottles for tomorrow? Can you take baby for a long walk in the pushchair tomorrow? Where would you go?

This man will kill you before he returns to anything resembling what you fell for.

You need to leave because neither you, your daughter nor your unborn child are safe. Your children deserve a childhood without violence and the lifelong trauma seeing their Mum getting knocked about causes. If you stay you teach your daughter that this is what partners do, the legacy is frightening.

You are not weak, this is not love. You can mourn the relationship but don't mourn him, he is nothing more than a streak of piss who thinks he's a big man for knocking a pregnant woman about.

Is the house in your name or shared? HA or private? Where are you based?

Remember this: if you choose to take him back your child(ren) will be deemed at risk and be removed

Is any man worth that ?

Nice men dont beat the shit out of women and threaten to kill them and their unborn children

The man you fell in live never existed and i wonder if at the 1st sign of trouble rather than running for your life life you thought, I know i can fix him.

Sorry you are going through this but I really hope he spends a very long time in jail

You poor thing. What a brute. You and your babies deserve so much better

Oh op please see if someone can come stay with you for a few days. You are doing the right thing for you and your children

I can't add to the excellent advice of more experienced posters, but can offer a handhold and a virtual squishy hug

You've been through a terrifying ordeal. You're in shock, and hurt - be patient with yourself, your feelings are bound to be all over the place. Trauma bonding is so complex, and this has been your primary relationship - you will grieve for it, even though you know he's a monster.

At Court he will enter a plea, and will either be further remanded or released on strict bail conditions pending trial or sentence.

You know it’s over as if you stay with him ss will remove your child/ren. I think most people will be thinking what your friends and family are saying tbh

That is horrendous. He would definitely be capable of killing you eventually. You have to keep going for your sake and for the sake of your babies

Oh sweetheart

You have one child and possibly another who need you. You are an intelligent woman. If you did go back you will die. That’s not scare no getting you know it.

Stay strong keep talking