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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need advice re concerns for children

115 replies

Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 14:58

Hoping someone can advise. I am currently going through a divorce but we are still living together. Ex has an anger problem and is verbally abusive and intimidating at times. I have just got back from shopping ,leaving kids with him, when I got back both kids were very quiet and my ds (11) looked like he had been crying. My 6 yo said that Daddy had really hurt him by holding him down on the bed, I immediately asked ex about this and he got angry and said he had only done it to control him, my son said it didn't hurt but I think he is scared to tell the truth..ex then said he was sick of us all and started to throw the football at the wall in an aggressive way , whilst looking at me in an angry intimidating way, he was angry at my daughter for what he said was telling tales. What can I do ? This man is pushing for 50/50 child contact which I will not agree to ? I am so alarmed by this and now will be extremely worried for them .

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 15:41

.

OP posts:
Excitedforthefuture · 31/12/2021 15:43

Start writing a diary of absolutely everything
Include date. Times. Any quotes from your children.

You have to push through this divorce as quickly as possivle

Excitedforthefuture · 31/12/2021 15:43

You say this is a surprise
But given you’re opening description of him, it can’t be too much of a surprise?

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 15:45

He hasn’t been physical with the dc before . I am trying to get things sorted ASAP but he refuses to move out.

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Excitedforthefuture · 31/12/2021 15:47

Do it have a lawyer
Email or call your lawyer immediately to express serious safety concerns

And do not leave them alone with him at the house. Again

Maui69 · 31/12/2021 15:47

From this point on, you can never, ever leave him alone with the children. You need to get him out.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 15:48

Thanks I am writing it all down

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 31/12/2021 15:49

Report him to ss. You need to start a case against him. He can't have your dc 50/50.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 15:50

Yes I won’t be leaving them alone with him again

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Wombat43 · 31/12/2021 15:51

I think I'd ask Social Services for help.

Having people involved may help but he sounds dangerous, so I'd take advice from Women's Aid, I think.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 31/12/2021 15:52

I reported my exh for a few things. They did naff all but I could have them mentioned in court... Judge wasn't happy. Your poor dc...

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 15:53

Yes I have a lawyer involved and she is aware he has been verbally abusive and intimidating but he has never been physical with my son.

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Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 31/12/2021 15:55

At 11 your ds's wishes and feelings will most definitely be listened to.
At 7 after witnessing his df trashing our home and threatening me my exh got no contact with him and dd 10.

Excitedforthefuture · 31/12/2021 15:57

So you have a plan

Document everything
Never leave them alone with him
Progress the divorce as swiftly as possible
Oh and I’d tell school asap.

Star59 · 31/12/2021 15:57

Iv just PM'd you hun xx

mbosnz · 31/12/2021 15:59

So now you need to inform your lawyer that there has been escalation, and he has allegedly been physically abusive to your child, as told by one child, and witnessed and corroborated by the other.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 16:00

Thank you. It's good he got no contact, its heartbreaking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 16:11

The problem is my son is saying nothing happened now as I think he is scared to speak up but my daughter us still saying it happened

OP posts:
Excitedforthefuture · 31/12/2021 16:13

Leave it OP. Poor kids are getting in a twist.

Just give them a nice and settled evening

And then gently raise when just the three of you

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 16:15

Thanks. I am so a taking them for dinner soon. Ex is acting like Disney dad now. I think he knows how to control my son

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Suzanne999 · 31/12/2021 16:20

Can you go and stay with family or friend until school resumes? With a temper like his I think you’d all be better off out of the house for a while.

Maui69 · 31/12/2021 16:38

Get your ex out the house and I guarantee they'll speak up. My son did.

Maui69 · 31/12/2021 16:39

Get your ex out the house and I guarantee they'll speak up. My son did.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 18:41

He won't leave! I have to wait until the court order a financial settlement , we are doing mediation but he is making it all difficult .,

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Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 31/12/2021 21:32

He will also say to my daughter if she gets upset, why don't you cry to mummy again and to grow up! She is only just 6.

OP posts: