I’ve just put my heart on the line

[2022IamHavingYa]

Very long story short.

Met a guy 2 years ago through online dating. Hit it off immediately and had a few months of dating bliss. I got carried away and ruined it by trying to push for a relationship to hard and too soon and when he (rightly so) backed off, I ended it as he was not giving me what I wanted. I immediately regretted my decision and tried to back track and slow down but he took the situation to heart and felt he wasn’t good enough for me and was worried if we tried again I’d hurt him. It was all amicable and I knew I’d thrown away a good thing and was gutted.

18 months have passed by and we keep bumping into each other, then we meet for coffee a couple of times before fading away again. He texts me occasionally and I him, again this ends in a few meets before life takes us our separate ways. Whenever I talk about him to my friend, he pops up on messages. He just (cheesily) feels like my one.

We have been talking a bit recently and he text yesterday and asked if I was free for dinner that evening. He wined and dined me and his company was wonderful. We haven’t been out like that for 16 months and it felt so natural. He was engaging, lots of eye contact, flirty etc.

He text me today to ask about something upsetting I had to do today and we chatted a bit.

Anyway. Long story shorter, I’ve just bitten the bullet and text him to say I want to date him again.
My life and what I want have changed so much the last year. Ive told him what I want and what I can offer in return.

Now it’s a sickening wait for a response!

Handhold please?

Sorry OP, to me that’s a pretty clear no — also, what’s the point of a man who’s such hard work? Lordy-b.

Why is someone being hard work attractive?

He sounds like he is just not that into you and is keeping you dangling.

It is clear but I can see why he could be confused as it says Kryptonite and that you aren't offering a full relationship.

Also the bit about you changing could be confusing to him.

So yes I'm sure he will reply tomorrow.

He may also very concerned that your message might be wine fuelled so tomorrow is better to deal with it.

Yes, I think Kryptonite is a bad thing!! 😱😆

Maybe he’s confused because kryptonite destroys and weakens superman? So hardly a positive!

However you’ve been clear now (although I don’t believe the bit about you not wanting or offering a relationship) so wait and see. I anticipate further ambivalence and half-arsedness but I hope I’m wrong!

I think it was clear the first time but if he's busy with others around and maybe tipsy its a long message to take in so I think it's understandable what he said.

But 2nd message no doubt! Hope he replies with a clear head 🙂

That’s very clear Op, I’m inclined to agree with other posters that he is pretending not to understand because he doesn’t yet know how to say he isn’t interested

Sounds pretty clear to me

The Kryptonite thing is an in joke between us. He’ll understand that bit at least

I’m not asking for a full on relationship because I can’t offer that,

Is it this that's confusing him?

Have you read 'he's just not that into you' ?

Ahh don't feel you have to change for a man. This all seems a bit off to me. You shouldn't have to limit your expectations of a relationship to fit around what some guy wants.

And why have you said that you can't give him a full on relationship when that is exactly what you want?

He’d just say he wasn’t interested like he did in the past, or possibly ignore it all together

Mmmmmm I don’t think it is that clear tbh. You say you want him and then back track in the next paragraph. I can see where he’s coming from.

I think you were clear OP! His reply sounds really non committal - I'm intrigued as to how old he is.

I'm emotionally invested in this.

Did the first round of dating end in you trying to define the relationship/ask for exclusivity/otherwise push things forward and him freaking out and giving you the "i'm not ready" speech?

You haven’t been unclear. You’re saying you want to date him. His reply seems disingenuous but maybe he just wants to think about it when he’s back home on his own.

DH would focus on my incorrect knowledge of some super hero meta/multiverse/reboot/remake (I am good at seeming like I'm listening), he might also focus on that analogy making me superman when I'm female, if I sent him that, so you've probably just thrown him. It's also a bit full on, second message much better. Fingers crossed for you OP

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Wasn't kryptonite the stuff that killed superman?

Exactly what I was thinking. No wonder he's confused! Glad you followed up with a short and direct message

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

And why have you said that you can't give him a full on relationship when that is exactly what you want?

Because I want to and need to live a separate life whilst I train in my career. He’s aware for me to get funding I need to be living alone so by a full on relationship, I mean not living together for a good while(which we have discussed before)

But you are probably right. He’s just not into me and that’s the point t of the message. He either wants to date me again or he doesn’t. Simple

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

And why have you said that you can't give him a full on relationship when that is exactly what you want?

Indeed

Don't ask don't get! Good luck!

Sorry OP but at least you have shown the courage to put yourself out there and open yourself up to someone. I hope next time it happens you get an enthusiastic Yes Please in reply!