I’ve just put my heart on the line

[2022IamHavingYa]

Very long story short.

Met a guy 2 years ago through online dating. Hit it off immediately and had a few months of dating bliss. I got carried away and ruined it by trying to push for a relationship to hard and too soon and when he (rightly so) backed off, I ended it as he was not giving me what I wanted. I immediately regretted my decision and tried to back track and slow down but he took the situation to heart and felt he wasn’t good enough for me and was worried if we tried again I’d hurt him. It was all amicable and I knew I’d thrown away a good thing and was gutted.

18 months have passed by and we keep bumping into each other, then we meet for coffee a couple of times before fading away again. He texts me occasionally and I him, again this ends in a few meets before life takes us our separate ways. Whenever I talk about him to my friend, he pops up on messages. He just (cheesily) feels like my one.

We have been talking a bit recently and he text yesterday and asked if I was free for dinner that evening. He wined and dined me and his company was wonderful. We haven’t been out like that for 16 months and it felt so natural. He was engaging, lots of eye contact, flirty etc.

He text me today to ask about something upsetting I had to do today and we chatted a bit.

Anyway. Long story shorter, I’ve just bitten the bullet and text him to say I want to date him again.
My life and what I want have changed so much the last year. Ive told him what I want and what I can offer in return.

Now it’s a sickening wait for a response!

Handhold please?

Fingers crossed he gets it on the second review!

Sorry to be a party pooper, but he doesn't seem keen from that reply

Oh dear.

You know that saying, when a man is interested you will know?

He might want to keep you on the back burner but he's clearly still not interested in a relationship.

Or maybe he is creating a post on Mumsnet to ask what he should do?

Ouch!! Are you also autistic, OP and Bhub? Because I always say EXACTLY what I mean and blokes often don’t seem to get it! I think they’re so used to the murky, obscure communications of the OLD world that someone literally saying what they mean just doesn’t compute 😬

I agree, he seems to be holding back. I'd be blunt in my response so there's no wriggle room and if he still tries to wriggle his way out then you'll know that he's not that into you and he's not worth your time.

🤦🏽‍♀️ Has he had a few too many & just skimmed your text?? Your very articulate so I can’t imagine your text not being clear & simple. Perhaps don’t respond & let him read your text in the morning & then if he comes back with q’s just ring him/FaceTime him and spell it out. Life is too short for mixed messages. You’ve already taken the first step!!! You have got this 👊🏼

Good luck OP, I am blatantly place marking

I would just be assuming he's a bit drunk so doesn't want to misunderstand or reply while drunk. I think that's quite respectful.

@Bbub

Place marking because I need to follow this 👀

All the best OP. Hope things work out this time. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Me too!!!! 👀

Gosh he sounds hard work.

He's giving himself time to reply.

@crackofdoom
Wow thats an interesting comment, I think I do have some autistic traits but when I've looked into it never enough to make me seek a diagnosis. Some of the traits are sooo me though 😂

I think you're right people aren't used to it at all and can't get their head round it. Like there must be a double meaning? People are always like "you're direct!" and seem really taken aback 😳🤭 (especially about anything sexual 😳)

Do keep us updated

‘My first review’ - did you give him ‘feedback’ on your earlier dating experience with him, or where did ‘review’ come from?

Hmm I feel like we need to see what you sent to him OP

What exactly did you say to have confused him so much?!

His first review? How long was your message?

Even if really liked someone if they asked for a relationship straight away rather than just letting things grow it would put me off. It feels a bit wrong, a relationship should be mutual not something one person asks for and another gives. Something that just kinda happens.

That said, fingers crossed he wants to be asked and you’ll have good news. If not, maybe next time enjoy the agony of not knowing if you’re going to get serious.

Hope you've not built him up in your head too much.

He’s bloody hard work! But that’s the attraction.
Maybe my text wasn’t as clear as I’d hoped it was (after drafting multiple times!)

It read:

“So it’s almost New Year, so going to unashamedly put myself out there.
I’ve changed a lot the last 18 months. I’m not the person I was when I first met you.
I love my life, my career and being able to do what I like, but I’m lacking something and that something is you.

You are my Kryptonite and have been since we first met. I really enjoy your company and the way you surprise me. I’m not asking for a full on relationship because I can’t offer that, nor do I think you want that, but I would like to date you again and see what happens, slowly, over time, with no pressure.

Happy to be told it’s not for you and there are no hard feelings. If you don’t ask, you don’t get 😉”

Is that so unclear?

I’ve just replied “I want to start dating you again and see what happens 😉 Enjoy your evening and speak soon”

I want a sober response rather than one potentially fuelled by one too many drinks

Did you actually say that you want to date him, or juat that you want him more permanently in your life? If you didn't mention the words date/relationship he may well be confused!

Wasn't kryptonite the stuff that killed superman?

Sorry cross-post - yes you were clear.