I’ve just put my heart on the line

[2022IamHavingYa]

Very long story short.

Met a guy 2 years ago through online dating. Hit it off immediately and had a few months of dating bliss. I got carried away and ruined it by trying to push for a relationship to hard and too soon and when he (rightly so) backed off, I ended it as he was not giving me what I wanted. I immediately regretted my decision and tried to back track and slow down but he took the situation to heart and felt he wasn’t good enough for me and was worried if we tried again I’d hurt him. It was all amicable and I knew I’d thrown away a good thing and was gutted.

18 months have passed by and we keep bumping into each other, then we meet for coffee a couple of times before fading away again. He texts me occasionally and I him, again this ends in a few meets before life takes us our separate ways. Whenever I talk about him to my friend, he pops up on messages. He just (cheesily) feels like my one.

We have been talking a bit recently and he text yesterday and asked if I was free for dinner that evening. He wined and dined me and his company was wonderful. We haven’t been out like that for 16 months and it felt so natural. He was engaging, lots of eye contact, flirty etc.

He text me today to ask about something upsetting I had to do today and we chatted a bit.

Anyway. Long story shorter, I’ve just bitten the bullet and text him to say I want to date him again.
My life and what I want have changed so much the last year. Ive told him what I want and what I can offer in return.

Now it’s a sickening wait for a response!

Handhold please?

If I received a message like this I would be confused as hell. Just meet, have an honest conversation and decide what you both want. Job done!

Sorry you didn’t get the reply you wanted OP. He simply isn’t the one for you.

I’d advise you to cut contact now. Don’t message/email/flirt/meet. Give yourself a chance to move on and be emotionally available when someone else comes along.

I’ve no doubt this guy will be in touch again but he won’t have changed. When he meets the right woman for him, he will move forward with her extraordinarily quickly. Be far away from him so you aren’t around to witness this and won’t end up berating yourself for not having the qualities/looks he wants in a partner.

Simply put, distance yourself and protect yourself from future hurt.

It’s a new year OP. Leave him in the old one. Good luck.

@Branleuse

are you sure you havent just idealised an emotionally stunted man?

This.

Well done OP for being crystal clear.

You sound like a great woman and I don't think for a second you would get what you want from him.

He is clear that things need to be on his terms.

Do not give him another minute of your time.

Move on and best of luck in '22

@2022IamHavingYa

So he replied again last night and basically did his usual. I like you, I think you are great and I want to keep seeing you but don’t want to commit to anything. He did say he knew that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

It was exactly as I expected so I joined the apps again this morning a s won’t give him any more of my time 😊

But you told him you didn't want a relationship, just to keep seeing him? I don't think the poor guy can do right for doing wrong with you

Well done OP!
You got a clear answer now, so no more stringing along.
And some experience under your belt.
If he is into you, he wil chase you to the moon and back.
Sad for you that you found him so charming, but uncommitable people have to be so, or they would not get anyone to hung around them.
Take care of yourself, and wishing you to find someone who falls hesd over heels for you and makes you stronger each day, instead of this kryptonite

Hope you're doing okay OP