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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sister in law wants my husband

168 replies

Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 00:38

It scares me. My sister in law is 54, never was married nor had children. I doubt she ever had a man I'm her bed - sad..
She always was outspoken, loud and rude. But this visit she lost it completely. She shouted at her parents (usual stuff) but ended up swearing at out DS for no obvious reason too.

The biggest issue I have is my husband feeling obliged to" look after her as she has noone else". She takes advantage. She can call him upto 10 times a day with various problems: leaking tap, broken washing machine, MIL high blood pressure (she lives with parents) etc. She can call any time of the day even 4am which drives me crazy.

Hubby understands where I m.coming from but "loves his parents and sister" and "she looks after them for him" , so cant say no..

I feel she invades our family space and takes advantage of my hubby.

Advice pls

OP posts:
ClemDanFango · 30/12/2021 00:41

Your title makes it sound like she wants to ‘steal’ him from you in a romantic sense but it’s actually his sister? She sounds unhinged has she got some sort or dirt on him maybe which means he does whatever she says?

Xmasiscancelledagain · 30/12/2021 00:43

Your SIL is not the problem here and you know it.

The problem is your DH who is willing to put his sister and family ahead of you.

Pantsomime · 30/12/2021 00:43

She is and he is letting her. He’s doing her no favours. Start with no calls after 9:30 pm until 8:00 am unless someone is I’ll and 999 or OOH can’t help. Get him to tell her he will turn mobile off of she ignores him and she will have to ring you instead if there is an emergency. The rest well it’s his inconvenience mostly

Anordinarymum · 30/12/2021 00:45

Your hubby needs to deal with this. His sister needs to be shown some boundaries. Is she like this because she resents her position? Does she think he should take more responsibility?

Ibane · 30/12/2021 00:45

Surely if she lives with her parents she has ‘someone else’ to bother about leaking taps?

bonfireheart · 30/12/2021 00:47

Tell her to go on mybuilder.com lots of tradespeople available.

Ozanj · 30/12/2021 00:47

Caring for elderly parents is fucking hard as a woman as you may often be emotionally blackmailed into providing personal care way above and beyond something a son would be expected to give. If she’s calling your DH at odd hours I would view this as a cry for help. Your DH really to needs to get his finger out and help, or pay for the help his sister needs.

Ozanj · 30/12/2021 00:50

And I should point out nobody shouts for ‘no reason’. There would definitely have been a reason. What was your DS doing that prompted this reaction? Many parents ‘forget’ how rude / badly behaved their children are.

Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:08

Thank you everybody.

She is a control freak tbh. He is a good son to them but we live far away and can help only as much as we can.

My son wasn't a problem as he stepped in to say we didn't have time to put a TV up on their wall as needed to leave in half an hour. They didn't like that.

MIL and SIL completely dominate FIL and trying that with my husband, which I obviously don't like.

We are married for 25 years and they always were a close family, I never interfered before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:12

Agree but my son wasn't a reason. They are a very (!!) loud, impatient and old fashion family where children should have no voice type..

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:13

I have got a feeling she thinks he is the only man in her life and therefore behaves accordingly.

OP posts:
trigo · 30/12/2021 01:20

The tittle is misleading, why have you worded it that way? There's two sides here. Why is she ringing your husband with issues if you live too far away to sort them out? Is it because they are his parents too and sil shouldn't be the only one shouldering the responsibility just because she's a woman?

Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:25

she LOVES looking after them, it's about feeling needed and having control . she does ask for an advice here or there but mostly does things her ways anyway.

she rings for attention and "because she doesn't have anyone else". She doesn't have friends, hobby or any interests in life.

She is a toxic person tbh.

It started effecting my family and I got to stop it.

I do feel like she can't wait for my husband and I to fall apart so she can have him.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 30/12/2021 01:29

You sound nasty and condescending - can't believe the snide speculation about your SIL's sex life.

Your OP blames SIL for rudeness and shouting, then later you dripfeed DH simply comes from a loud family. I'd bet you wouldn't phrase things the same if it was your DH or FIL shouting.

As to the problems she dares to pester you with, seems it's not actually her tap or her washing machine she's calling about, but those of the PIL whom she is taking care of, thereby relieving her brother, your H, of familial obligations. Frankly listening and advising is the absolute least he should be doing!

You do have a valid issue in the timing of the calls (time zone difference here?), but that can be dealt with easily by muting the ringer outside certain hours.

PGSTesting123 · 30/12/2021 01:33

I thought you were going to go on about incest or something!
Anyway, agree with PP your husband is the issue and maybe she needs help, so ask him to direct her to some.
She's not really the issue.

OldWivesTale · 30/12/2021 01:35

They are his parents too. Maybe he needs to pull his weight.

Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:36

Apologies if I came across condensanding I didn't meant to.

I find it difficult to deal with my family everyday life when my husband is constantly on call with upto 15 calls a day. It is too much, considering any help we offer is declined.

I am not happy to say the least, that might came across the wrong way.

OP posts:
catpisscrazy · 30/12/2021 01:37

You sound paranoid and a lil toxiiiiic.

Monty27 · 30/12/2021 01:40

@trigo

The tittle is misleading, why have you worded it that way? There's two sides here. Why is she ringing your husband with issues if you live too far away to sort them out? Is it because they are his parents too and sil shouldn't be the only one shouldering the responsibility just because she's a woman?
Oh gosh 🤭*@tittle* Anyway OP your DP needs to appoint someone for emergencies closer to home. Try Homeserve and that sort of thing for emergency or the British gas insurance cover. You'll rest easy 👍🏼
Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:40

He really does as much as he can.

We offered to buy them a car but they declined.

Offered to pay for a handyman to come around on a regular basis but they "not having strangers around!!". And so on...

I just feel like she is calling to put gilt on him rather then deal with the problems.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:42

I don't think I'm paranoid at all. May I ask if you would you be ok with 15 calls a day every day?

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 30/12/2021 01:44

Just let her have your 'hubby'.

Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:44

tried that....
no success

everything got to be done by my hubby as "he is the only son"

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiaptia85 · 30/12/2021 01:44

he wouldn't go GrinGrin

OP posts:
Monty27 · 30/12/2021 01:45

OP send the details to your sil. Insurance cover boiler and plumbing.
In fact suggest she does it herself.
She sounds needy. You can all discuss amongst yourselves who pays. Cheap at the price I'd say 🙄

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