Sister in law wants my husband

[Tiaptia85]

It scares me. My sister in law is 54, never was married nor had children. I doubt she ever had a man I'm her bed - sad..
She always was outspoken, loud and rude. But this visit she lost it completely. She shouted at her parents (usual stuff) but ended up swearing at out DS for no obvious reason too.

The biggest issue I have is my husband feeling obliged to" look after her as she has noone else". She takes advantage. She can call him upto 10 times a day with various problems: leaking tap, broken washing machine, MIL high blood pressure (she lives with parents) etc. She can call any time of the day even 4am which drives me crazy.

Hubby understands where I m.coming from but "loves his parents and sister" and "she looks after them for him" , so cant say no..

I feel she invades our family space and takes advantage of my hubby.

Advice pls

As much as I understand your frustration your wording is deeply disturbing. She wants him, she wants you to fall apart so she can have him. These are the words used for a romantic relationship. Not a lonely family member. It’s icky and sound Incestuous. Which makes me think you’re jealous and possessive. I can’t think of another reason you’d using phrasing as you do.

She sounds like she has a mental illness.

Your dh has to set boundaries

@Ozanj

And I should point out nobody shouts for ‘no reason’. There would definitely have been a reason. What was your DS doing that prompted this reaction? Many parents ‘forget’ how rude / badly behaved their children are.

Bizarre thing to say. Lots of people shout for no reason, not least those with MH problems.

Plus, if you look at OP's post, the people she was shouting at were actually her parents. She swore at OP's child.

Sorry @catpisscrazy - I missed that.
I take back everything I said.

Are you from a cultural background where adult children are expected to look after their parents in old age?

You could always invite the parents to live with you instead.

I hope you can get DH’s co-operation in dealing with his sister. She’s got away with it all her life, so it will be hard. Good luck.

I feel really sorry for the sister. The strain of caring for (presumably) elderly parents is immense and trying to get small repairs done is a nightmare. (I've been trying to get 2 small electrical jobs done for weeks.)

If my parents hadn't lived in a council house, god knows how I would have coped in their later years. At least I only had to pick up the phone and ring the council when there were plumbing or other maintenance problems. They lived 120 miles away, thankfully, or they'd have had me round there every five fucking minutes. As things were, DM used to phone me 2-3 times a day about all sorts of things.

When does your SIL get a break from this, OP? Does your DP step up so she can get a holiday a couple of times a year? She needs support.

And bear in mind that her looking after your PILs may well be keeping them from going into a home, and protecting your DH's inheritance.

By caring for them, your SIL may well be protecting your DH's inheritance, OP.

SAdly they must have very empty lives.
I would look at getting vouchers for a taxi service to take them to the shops once a week. My DM had a gardener who came regularly, also meant there was another human around to chat to. Ditto cleaner, window cleaner etc. You can arrange to pay by DD.
Sounds like the Sis is refusing any help but perhaps this can be phrased as you feeling she already does too much

Maybe a slightly controversial view, but I've seen similar in the past. Sister insanely jealous of anybody else female in her brother's life - not a sexual jealousy at all, but a posessiveness type of thing IYSWIM. They grew up with their brother always being there for them, then suddenly another woman has stolen him away.

The OP's point about the sister never having had a partner is actually relevant in that type of situation. If the sister had a partner, this should reduce her emotional dependance on her brother, but as it is there's been nothing to break that dependency.

@catpisscrazy

Bit weird she thinks the sister wants to shag her husband tho innit? Like her actual bruv? What in the deliverance...

Ya Shut up

@Crystalvas kiss my prolapse

I can't get over the misogynistic view that her set life dictates her value. You say they are old fashioned but you don't sound any more modern in your line of thinking. As for encroaching on family time, she IS family. And of course she hasn't got hobbies etc, she is taking care of your in laws so you can retain your current way of life and it sounds like she's overwhelmed and needs someone to take some of the burden.
Ok, she should be ringing so often, but that is not your place, it's your husband's.

so how would you be helping out living miles aways? and please, before answering read all my answers

If sil was getting a regular shagging she wouldn’t have as much time to be at the beck and call of her parents which would actually put more pressure on your husband.

I think this is exactly that.

she used to love our daughter as a child but not now when she is a woman. it is abour about possessiveness indeed.

what next is what I need to think about? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

and yes, I check his phone when I feel that something is wrong. I know some will disagree but it is my family and if something makes my family unstable and unhappy, I will investigate.

I was with you & thought you were being given a hard time until this 🔺🔝

This is as toxic as hell & you are out of order calling DSIL when YOU are a control freak yourself. Smacks of competition for ownership of DH & that is all kinds of wrong & will destroy your marriage

It sounds like SIL is an unofficial carer for your ILs. Has she ever wanted or has she ever lived independently? Jobs, hobbies, friends?

I know one woman a similar age who was a carer for parents but had to give up her job to do this and ended up with a very small circle of friends and also rented out her house. She married late and was divorced.

once again thanks everybody for your views. that was the reason I wrote the post.

I spoke with my hubby re putting boundaries with her. He will not take calls outside x and x hours and will try to reduce her calls to a couple a week unless it's an emergency.

But I do feel for her tbh. I think if she had a friend or a partner she would be much happier.

Sex or her lack of it is not your business.

@Tiaptia85

once again thanks everybody for your views. that was the reason I wrote the post.

I spoke with my hubby re putting boundaries with her. He will not take calls outside x and x hours and will try to reduce her calls to a couple a week unless it's an emergency.

But I do feel for her tbh. I think if she had a friend or a partner she would be much happier.

So why don’t you encourage her to get a friend, partner, small dog to walk etc?

I’d kill her with kindness first rather than just complain. She will call less when she’s happier. Her DP’s sound demanding and quite fussy though so be thankful it’s not your or your DH caring for them full time.

so you are saying if you would notice that smth/someone destroys your marriage you would just let it be rather than find the reason??

how in reality you can encourage someone to have a friend, partner??

you are very defensive of my SIL and not seeing/wanting to see the whole picture.

I think she wouldn't have time to call 15 times a day, her attention would have been diverted. thats my point