Sister in law wants my husband

[Tiaptia85]

It scares me. My sister in law is 54, never was married nor had children. I doubt she ever had a man I'm her bed - sad..
She always was outspoken, loud and rude. But this visit she lost it completely. She shouted at her parents (usual stuff) but ended up swearing at out DS for no obvious reason too.

The biggest issue I have is my husband feeling obliged to" look after her as she has noone else". She takes advantage. She can call him upto 10 times a day with various problems: leaking tap, broken washing machine, MIL high blood pressure (she lives with parents) etc. She can call any time of the day even 4am which drives me crazy.

Hubby understands where I m.coming from but "loves his parents and sister" and "she looks after them for him" , so cant say no..

I feel she invades our family space and takes advantage of my hubby.

Advice pls

she rings for attention and "because she doesn't have anyone else". She doesn't have friends, hobby or any interests in life.

Perhaps thats because she has spent God knows how long caring for her parents to whilst her brother has been able to go off and build a life of his own.

If you've been married for 25 year and presumably your kids are grown up, how much is this really affecting your day to day life?

As you've said yourself you live too far away to be of any physical support to her.

She does sound toxic but it can't be easy for her to look after them, especially as they don't want strangers.

Gold star for @Monty27 for spotting a typo.

@Tiaptia85

tried that.... no success

everything got to be done by my hubby as "he is the only son"

So he has to deal with it as it will only get worse. If I were you I would remove myself from the situation. Do not get involved. Do not comment. Do not pass messages on. Leave him to it.

Can’t believe the posters who are turning this around on you!

Whether the OP’s husband does enough to help is irrelevant - it’s not ok to be calling 15 times per day and especially not ok to be calling during the night.

And it is fine that the OP’s husband has gone off and built a life of his own FFS.

@catpisscrazy

Bit weird she thinks the sister wants to shag her husband tho innit? Like her actual bruv? What in the deliverance...

Shut up

@Anordinarymum Make me 😉

01:52catpisscrazy
She doesn't think or say that, she just has a stupidly worded title.
She's trying to say covertly if she had a man in her life she wouldn't need to learn on her brother.

Lean

It sounds like your SIL is taking on the lion’s share of caring for your DH’s parents. Bloody right she should lean on him for support.

@TinaYouFatLard

It sounds like your SIL is taking on the lion’s share of caring for your DH’s parents. Bloody right she should lean on him for support.

Isn’t that a bit different to what the OP is describing?

She doesn’t sound very well tbh

Op sounds really jealous. She's checking his phone, seeing how many times sis rings him, confronting her husband about it dh says he doesn't mind and that he loves his sister and is grateful that she is caring for his parents. Sister is encroaching on family time yet lives too far away for them to provide regular help for their parents. Discusses sil sex life on anonymous forums, says things like sis in law wants my husband. You are so jealous. You are so use to being the only woman in dh and ds' life that now sil needs more help with elderly parents and needs to be in touch with her brother you are FURIOUS.

it’s not ok to be calling 15 times per day

Yes, except the OP has gradually upped the ante.

I'm sorry OP, it must be frustrating but having to look after elderly parents is no joke.

Hmm. I'm the sil in our family, (def not yours) living with caring for parents and the run up to Christmas almost broke me. My brother had a cold, and as dad and I both take immunosupressants we don't have the luxury of having people in all the time something goes wrong, so it was joyously, just me. As for the 'she wants to do it' that made me laugh. I don't actively not want to, but it isn't a barrel of laughs either especially when dealing with a sister in law that has the luxury of living too far away to get her hands dirty yet seems to not understand that yes, I am saving my brother from being here a hell of a lot more often.

If your hubby is okay with it there's not much to be done really.

Why is her sex life or lack thereof come into anything? Nasty.

House, so true.
Every little thing your SIL does for your DH's parents is something he doesn't have to; every cup of tea, load of washing, listening, hoovering, all of it.
He should try proactively supporting his sister, ringing her first and asking if there is anything he can do. He could commit to a day every week or fortnight or similar when he goes there to give her a break and do jobs.

thank you everybody. I read all the comments. with some I agree, with some - completely disagree, the others - will think about. but still thank you!

I just don't get next, if we offer help in most cases they decline it but still call hundred times a day. how does that help?

and yes, I check his phone when I feel that something is wrong. I know some will disagree but it is my family and if something makes my family unstable and unhappy, I will investigate.

because i think sex is an important part of a human life and it forms the character in a specific way. so it may explain a bit more about her.

he tries to but anything he does she isn't happy about ...

So what do you think would be the answer OP. What does she really want from him?

thank you ❤

@Tiaptia85

thank you ❤

So sorry this thread got derailed. I hope you manage to sort something out