How do I get out of this mess.

[KeeG8181]

Name changed.

I have been with my son's dad for 3 years. My son is 2. I am so unbelievably miserable in this relationship it is untrue but for some reason I can't get out of it.

He is financially controlling, he doesn't take all of my money anymore but I pay for absolutely everything, rent, bills, food etc etc and he contributes nothing. He is so verbally unkind to me and calls me ugly fat scruffy etc every name under the sun. He has been violent to me in the past and punched my hand yesterday.

He walks round the house constantly shouting swearing and on top note. Everything has to be his way or no way at all and he takes over everything like decorating my house the way he chooses and taking over rooms with his stuff. He's punched holes in doors etc and broken my things in temper

His family are enablers, they are coming round shortly and I have to sit and listen to them be all nicey nicey to him, they're love bombers as well which is just weird. He threatened to punch me Infront of his dad and his dad did nothing. I hate them and wish I didn't have to see them.

My relationship with my own family is extremely strained because I'm with him and I have no friends anymore.

Why can't I leave. What the fuck is wrong with me.

Thank you for listening.

Well done OP. Lots of good wishes for you and your lovely boy for the future. 💐

I’m so glad you got out OP, onwards and upwards . Your DM sounds really unsupportive so I would cut her out too.

Honestly, if I were you, I would move somewhere new and make sure no-one had my contact details. Start afresh and make a new life with DC, with new job and friends, somewhere completely different and away from the negativity of the past.

I really hope things get easier for you now. It was a really brave thing you did leaving.

You are amazing OP. I’m so pleased you are out of it and safe. You are so strong. Your little one is lucky to have you x

Speak to your housing officer in confidence. I used to work for Social housing and they have people trained in domestic violence situations a f some even have their own officer for these things. It’s abuse, you need to get out. He won’t change, they never do.

Stay safe OP!

WA will sort you out with counselling.

@PinkPiranha11

Speak to your housing officer in confidence. I used to work for Social housing and they have people trained in domestic violence situations a f some even have their own officer for these things. It’s abuse, you need to get out. He won’t change, they never do.

RTFT?

Do call your mum. You might be surprised by how quickly she rolls up her sleeves to help you. It’s not the best circumstances in which to restart your relationship with her but so what?
I get that you’re probably terrified of your (not) DP kicking off, but you can’t go on like this. Lots of people have given you advice about where to go for help. Please listen to it. Make one phone call, reach out to someone who can give you RL help; take that first step. Think about how much better your lives will be in 3 months, 6 months, next year. Don’t give up.

@MindTheGapMoveAlong

Do call your mum. You might be surprised by how quickly she rolls up her sleeves to help you. It’s not the best circumstances in which to restart your relationship with her but so what? I get that you’re probably terrified of your (not) DP kicking off, but you can’t go on like this. Lots of people have given you advice about where to go for help. Please listen to it. Make one phone call, reach out to someone who can give you RL help; take that first step. Think about how much better your lives will be in 3 months, 6 months, next year. Don’t give up.

The thread moved on a bit. The mum WASN'T supportive. OP is in a refuge. The partner has been arrested.

Well done. So brave. It sounds like you've turned a corner.

It's always so scary reading a first post like yours and wishing I could help and you and your son could feel some relief.

Then how lovely to read you are being so well supported by the refuge and that you're safe.

It must be very scary, and so difficult when your family dont support you but it seems like you're taking all the right steps

Well done OP you are a strong woman. This absolutely should be your year.

As an aside I don't understand the mentality of people who see a thread title like this then decide to post without reading the updates. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It might be dangerous to call your mum if there is any chance that she will tell your ex or his family where you are currently staying.

Heartfelt congratulations OP

Just read your thread and when you posted you have left, I did a little "yes"

Well done the future is now yours

Well done OP this is great, you should be proud and I'm sure your son will be one day too! Sad to read about your mum's behaviour towards you, not sure if you have any extended family or siblings that might be kinder to you. Stay strong 💪

Wow well done OP, I am so proud of how you have taken control of this situation. You can do this.
Also, really proud of the messages of support which helped you see what was really going on and how to make the first steps. Not been on MN for a while, good work all!

Oh op best of luck to you xxx

Contact woman aid they deal with these situations regularly and will be able to give you advice on the steps to take and give you access to the support you need.

Start recording the verbal abuse, document everything.

WELL DONE. Hopefully anyone else in a similar situation can see it can be done, you’re a brave and courageous woman.

Was so happy to see your 'I am in the refuge' post! You and your child are going to be just fine, you have done great, keep going.

Bars on the window doesn't sound great. A pal of mine had to escape dv, she was helped to change her name and location. She is ridiculously happy now, there's ways around everything.

So glad to hear you are out, OP.

You've done brilliantly. Wishing you and your DS every happiness.

I voted YABU - purely because you are TABU to your child by not leaving.

just noticed you have left - well done, stick with it