How do I get out of this mess.

[KeeG8181]

Name changed.

I have been with my son's dad for 3 years. My son is 2. I am so unbelievably miserable in this relationship it is untrue but for some reason I can't get out of it.

He is financially controlling, he doesn't take all of my money anymore but I pay for absolutely everything, rent, bills, food etc etc and he contributes nothing. He is so verbally unkind to me and calls me ugly fat scruffy etc every name under the sun. He has been violent to me in the past and punched my hand yesterday.

He walks round the house constantly shouting swearing and on top note. Everything has to be his way or no way at all and he takes over everything like decorating my house the way he chooses and taking over rooms with his stuff. He's punched holes in doors etc and broken my things in temper

His family are enablers, they are coming round shortly and I have to sit and listen to them be all nicey nicey to him, they're love bombers as well which is just weird. He threatened to punch me Infront of his dad and his dad did nothing. I hate them and wish I didn't have to see them.

My relationship with my own family is extremely strained because I'm with him and I have no friends anymore.

Why can't I leave. What the fuck is wrong with me.

Thank you for listening.

He has no rights to remain in the home.You're not married and he's not on the tenancy.Call the police on their non emergency number and tell them you want to your partner to leave but your scared he'll become violent.They should help you.

The below page has lots of helpful links

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

Good luck in the new home!! You’ve got this- in a few months you will look in the mirror and realise you’re becoming you again.

@thenewduchessoflapland I think you may need to,read the thread

OP congratulations on your new home and new life. You are an inspiration. Bloody marvellous 🤩 be happy !

Well done and good luck

You have come so far. I know that you and your son will be very happy in your new home. Good luck!

Well done OP! You deserve a life free of this abuse.
Where are you staying? Have you spoken to the housing association about the situation so you can get your house back eventually?

Oh sorry just seen your HA has let you swap. Brilliant OP, you've done so well.

Good Luck in your new home, hope everything works out well for you and your son

Good luck and we’ll done, you’ve come so far in such a short time. Stand proud you’re amazing!

I've just read your entire story and wow! You're an absolute bloody warrior.

Time now to ease into your new life and make it what you want. May I gently suggest you self refer for some counselling so that you can build up your self esteem and start seeing yourself for what you really are: a strong woman, a great mother and someone worthy of love and appreciation.

@KeeG8181

Oh wonderful!!! New home, new life, new YOU!!!

Bloody well done OP. You are an amazing mother and an amazing woman.

Fantastic news OP! Lots of luck for a happy future x

Op I'm in Yorkshire. If you need a friend, feel free to message me. You're an amazing woman and you can do this.

Thank you all! I'm still using this as my diary as I'm on the healthy minds wait list.

I've booked a decorator to come and wallpaper etc, something I was never allowed to do with HIM. HE would insist on doing it himself and have the whole house looking like 23 toddlers had ran rampant with a tub of Dulux and some wallpaper.

I've spent months doing flashcards etc with DS, he's coming on great but we need some work aka calling me mummy instead of "tig" and saying yes and no. We're getting there. We went to a soft play today with a friend I met at the refuge, she dropped her phone and said a swear word whilst DS was in earshot. He's heard this phrase once in his life, yet has been running round our new living room throwing stuff on the floor purely to say "oh shit"

I dunno whether to laugh or cry, my mum had to go in the kitchen for a sneaky giggle. I'll deal with DS choice language in the morning but I've got a cake for now, those 75p ones from Asda with chocolate chips in, I was never allowed those either.

My house is over the road from my mums, its another flat but without ground floor luxury this time. It's so bizarre I lived like diagonally opposite for years and never knew they were flats. The HA weren't keen on me being in a ground floor as HE could literally walk past and look in and I'm found. They look like houses, like the old style council houses but turned into flats without anyone disturbing eachother.

Thanks so much for letting me sound off on here youre all amazing. Hopefully everyone here is okay too xx

It just sounds all so cozy and comfortable...and 'right'.

As far as 'names' go, one of my nieces used to refer to my mum as "Moe-mee". How she came up with that, we have no idea. This same niece picked up the same choice phrase as your DS from her mother and when they were over and mum dropped an egg on the floor DN came out with "Oh chit, Mow-mee!!" loud and clear. Whereupon Mum gave a stern "'First name Middle name', where did my granddaughter pick up that word?" to my sister. When Mum 'middle named' you, you knew you were in the soup!

I think those phrases stick because when our DC hear them they're being said with 'great emphasis'.

Hi all

quick 2 month update.
my ex partner was sentenced to 27 months in prison today. I am so relieved. I’ve been given an indefinite restraining order, so has my son which includes indirect contact too.

back to university in September and me and my mum are doing great. She stays 3 times a week.

to anyone who may read this thread in my situation please message me, and don’t ever forget there is a way out. You can do it

love to all of you xxxxxxxdx

So so happy for you! X

So glad it has all worked out for you xx

Amazing update 🙏🏻

That's brilliant news 🙏

So glad to read your update, please do keep checking in if you can. You have done so amazingly well x

ah thank you for the love and support. It’s been great to have and I like my new diary type post.

I’ve booked a holiday for march 2023! It’s only Benidorm for a week but it’s me and my mum and ds! My son absolutely loves hot weather so hopefully it’s nice for him.

I have also been receiving daily prayer text messages from my local church, this has been going on for like 10 weeks so I’m thinking he’s used my number to sign up to them. All to my old number in the burner phone I still have, I’ve kept it on cos I’m awaiting him to either try contacting me from prison or doing something else.

His family have basically said I’m a liar and an attention seeker, the police took my phone at one point when I first reported him so they had literally everything, bank statements showing him financially abusing me, so I’m not a liar. Text message transcripts were shown in court, I didn’t go but my mum did, they had brought up stuff I didn’t even mention.

His mum tried to put it on me saying I’d ruined his life cos his boss has sacked him. Ruined his life. I’m bankrupt, ive been basically agoraphobic for the past 3 years, physically, financially and verbally abused but I’ve ruined his life.

I’ve blocked them all so they can’t contact me.

💗