Wife not looking after husband after operation

[Wauden]

People where I work were chatting on zoom and a colleague was talking about an operation that went well, quite a routine one.
He mentioned that he had recouperated in some sort of post operative care facility, ie like a private care home, until he would get more mobile. This is with private health care. This sounded a bit odd because he is married so surely a partner would normally look after their spouse after they are given the ok to return home from an operation? Assuming that the wife was able bodied which apparently she is. It turns out that his wife told him, that she did not want to do that and said that he had to go and stay in the care facility.

After some chatting with another colleague it turns out that she didn't visit him at the care home at all. Anyway he is out now.

What happened to in sickness and in health? This can't be normal, can it? I don't want to ask too much about it as it's not my concern but the general feeling is that it's really off.

If she doesn't work despite having no kids, then I would suspect some kind of health issue - mental health or otherwise. So maybe that's why she didn't feel able to look after him.

Someone mentioned that the responses would be very different if the positions were reversed. However, I'm not sure that the question would even be asked in the same way about why a man wasn't dropping everything to nurse his wife.

If the sexes were reversed you'd all be slagging the man off and telling her to LTB. Bunch of hypocrites lol

Why are you so interested in this man’s relationship?
Are you a relationship “vulture” circling around what you hope is a failing marriage so you can swoop in?

No visiting due to COVID?

Really far from home, vid chats they decided easier all round?

She has phobia hosps?

He said look know you knackered, I'll be looked after just vid me I'll vid you that's fine I'd prefer it?

AND THE BIG QUESTION

OP why not just ask him at the time. DW didn't come visit? Hoho finally gone off you had she? (Or whatever would be just normal and not taken funny in your work)?

RATHER THAN gossiping about workmates wife behaviour after with other colleague/s, having a good old shock horror judgemental matter about blokes wife, deciding she cold hearted/ cares nothing for him/ didn't mean her marriage vows, is a BAD WIFE.

And that wasn't enough so posted about it on Mumsnet!!!

Lolol.

Did your mate look sad? Downcast miserable look when telling you all this? Etc etc.

And when did this happen? If chat today.

A. DH chatting with workmates boxing day says his DW pretty relaxed. As are partners of others on chat, if they have one!

If it was not all nowish, well unlikely as this post is this just happened type. Not weeks ago type. Surely.

Perhaps he was released from the hospital with a higher level of health problems than would normally be treated at home.

We can't judge anyone else on their circumstances.

Yes, I'd look after my DH if I could in those circumstances but equally I'm ill with HG and just couldn't as it would put too much pressure on me whilst sick. You may think she's able bodied and well but she may have a hidden illness.

Plus, she may have had to look after him a lot and can't do this final bit where there's other options available. I imagine she may need/want the break. It's fair enough if it works for them.

Normally, yes. Have to say I'm a shit nurse, maybe he's married to someone like me and would rather get a professional to dress his wounds. Or, yes, maybe she's a cold-hearted bitch who left her husband in the lurch and he should leave her. Who knows?

@Calamitydrayne

If the sexes were reversed you'd all be slagging the man off and telling her to LTB. Bunch of hypocrites lol

Really?

Are you SURE? All?

That's a big assertion!

OP and calamity and others who know exactly what all women think, and they all think exactly the same, and live by double standards...

Have you been in hosp much?

I mean everyone is different of course.

And bearing in mind we're talking routine OP here
not something massive risk, emergency, life saving, etc etc.

My personal (extensive) experience when it comes to visitors is that it's pretty odd. Conversation is as if scripted. Just seems to happen to people!

So I personally would be aok in fact would say. Don't bother coming, let's vid. Routine no big deal. You stay with kids etc and on vid can see them too.

Soooo.
That's one woman and that's enough to mean your comment is simply not true.

This whole situation feels very odd though. Timings, enormous interest in DH wife not very interesting behaviour.
OP you need to get out more, maybe? I think your level of interest in workmate wife is warranted you need to take a step back. Imo.

until he would get more mobile
Maybe his home isn't suitable e.g lots of steps, bathroom upstairs, lots of cats to fall over. Who knows?
Or maybe the post op facility offered physiotherapy/rehab which he wouldn't have got at home.
I'm surprised that you are surprised tbh.

I hate this type of gossip. It is literally nobody else's business. Wind your neck in!

What makes you so sure HE'D want her doing his personal care?

It's so often assumed that it is the person providing the care that may have an issue with doing so... as a person who has to receive personal care from others, I can assure you we don't generally just accept it from anyone, and we may well NOT want a loved one to provide it.

This sounds like a classic case of something being absolutely none of your business. It sounds like you barely know this man and only have a few tiny pieces of second hand information with which you're trying build a detailed picture. It doesn't work. Just forget about it.

Maybe she hates him.

None of your buisness though.

The poor dear lamb.
Had a routine operation and is slagging his wife off to co workers.

@Wauden

She does not work and they have no children.

And operation and care after was paid for out of pocket, not insurance.

That changes things totally.

OP assuming she's not got other income eg mega rich family give monthly cash to her so doesn't need to work (?).

I think you are saying- assumptions here correct if wrong-

• He's very well off indeed, Megabucks
• She chooses not to work
• He pays all bills and also to support her choice
• She spends time having fun. Shopping, lunch with mates etc and he stumps up

Ok changed mind.

He has obviously been trapped by a money digger. She has and is using wiles etc to keep him in her thrall.

She cares nothing for him. He's being taken for a ride and doesn't even realise.

Dear me.

I'm not surprised you're concerned and have posted on here for.... Advice? How to help him.

Tricky.

Could you hire a private detective to record her cackling gleefully to friends over how he's so unsnared he pays for everything and anything she wants?

She's bound to be sleeping with at least 8 young men who are personal trainers.
One might be open to a bribe to tell all.

Such an enormously common situation. Stats say 9.4 marriages are this dynamic.

If only men could fight the power women hold over them with their controlling irresistible sex appeal.

It's outrageous that so many many men are exploited this way.

@Momijin

Keep your beak out. You don't know them or their circumstances.

100%

I’m surprised this information was a big deal for you. I genuinely hope you get some insight from this thread and try to develop the ability to understand things outside your limited experiences.

There are a couple of possible answers:

a: You are a highly rated gossip
b: You really really don't like the wife
c: You are having an affair with his wife and this justifies his stepping out on her, and you "loving him better than her"
d: All of the above
e; You fancy him and so the wife must be terrible. Is terrible

Whatever the case, it's really none of your business and you don't know the whole story

You and your colleagues need to apportion your gossip time to work.

I cannot stress to you enough the depths to which this is none of your business.

@Calamitydrayne

If the sexes were reversed you'd all be slagging the man off and telling her to LTB. Bunch of hypocrites lol

Ooh, profound.

He might be accessing in-house services like physio, dressings being changed, help washing etc. It’s a great idea until he’s on his feet. Jeez mind your own bloody business fgs. 🙄
Until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, don’t think you know how to tie their laces.

Op I think it sounds odd

Maybe he can’t stand her though

No one on this thread Obviously never gossiped ever.

Are you fond of the guy? You sound protective of him. ... and critical of his woman ...