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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How does this happen to peoples lives

154 replies

Christmasturkey8888 · 26/12/2021 20:58

I just need to get this out the last two weeks I have been so stressed I am on the edge

Partner had boys night out last week came home
Stinking drunk (as he usually does any time he drinks) he woke during the night when the baby cried and tried to lift him I wouldn't let him and he threw me to the ground and started kicking me. I got away into the other room and he fell back to sleep. Next morning no recollection and shocker he had also got a girls number who he also had no recollection of. He doesn't hide his phone so I don't think he's having an affair.

Spent a week talking things through and I felt we had got things sorted and back on track. This morning we were rushing to leave to go to his parents and his DD came.

I was running behind and he put the baby and His DD into car and was helping my DS put his shoes on and shouted at me
Up the stairs to hurry up you fat slut.

I was raging as he wouldn't speak like that infront of his DD so why infront of my DS. He then brought him out to the car and came back in we argued and he pushed me to the ground, choked me for about 20 seconds. I got up and he kicked me again and pressed my face into the ground I have a black bruise on my head and my front teeth hurt. Then he choked me again I started screaming for help and he walked out.

I didn't want to let my kids down so I went to his parents and he ignored me all day. We're not home and I'm up in bed with the kids my body is sore I can't believe this is my life I'm a professional woman .

I'm scared he'll take the baby from me if I leave as he tells me I'm
Mad and i make him do this

OP posts:
Candleinthebreeze · 26/12/2021 20:59

You seriously need to escape this

Is there anyone in real life you can turn to immediately?

Candleinthebreeze · 26/12/2021 20:59

I’m a male btw, and there is nothing my wife could ever do that would make me treat her like this

Goawayquickly · 26/12/2021 21:00

You need to call the police on this violent nutcase and get away from him. He has assaulted you. Report him please

NynaeveSedai · 26/12/2021 21:01

Report him to the police and he won't be able to take your baby

Michellexxx · 26/12/2021 21:01

You must leave, this sounds truly awful, I’m so sorry.

You need to come up with a plan. Where can you go? So you have money saved?

mydaughterisademon · 26/12/2021 21:02

I'd call the police!

Original poster
Christmasturkey8888 · 26/12/2021 21:02

His family have a lot of money and I don't have any savings. He would get a lot of help legally and I wouldn't have that kind of back up it would just be me

OP posts:
thelegohooverer · 26/12/2021 21:02

Call the police and report these two assaults.

Choking can go wrong so quickly. Another few seconds and your dc could have lost their mother.

Original poster
Christmasturkey8888 · 26/12/2021 21:04

He is a police man so has told me already it's my word against his

OP posts:
GoodMorningMillicent · 26/12/2021 21:04

Kicking, choking, abusing. Call the police. He is dangerous.

Plinkplonk1234 · 26/12/2021 21:05

I'm so sorry you are going thought this. Of course you didn't make him do this. He is an abuser and a bully. You need to make a plan to leave but he very very careful he doesn't find out until you are gone or him may become very violent. Read up on the freedom program and Women's Aid. Also if you have time read Lundy Bancroft book Why does he do that? Take care and try to remember it's not your fault.

Goawayquickly · 26/12/2021 21:06

@Christmasturkey8888

He is a police man so has told me already it's my word against his
He's told you a lot of things, it doesn't mean they're true
melissasummerfield · 26/12/2021 21:06

Fucking hell OP i feel sick reading that, please phone the police and protect yourself and your children.

This is not your fault! Get out before you become another domestic violence statistic.

CornishTiger · 26/12/2021 21:06

Call the police. Live chat on phone. Report and get the man arrested. Get medical attention to check yourself over. Any attempt to block your airway is an attempt on your life.

He will not change. He will only get worse.

Meandmini3 · 26/12/2021 21:06

You need to leave. You need to phone women’s aid or similar. This is terrifying. He will seriously hurt or kill you.

NothingIsWrong · 26/12/2021 21:06

Report him to his force professional standards department , they should take you very seriously

ProudThrilledHappy · 26/12/2021 21:07

Of course he will tell you that, to keep you in line. Reporting this could be very damaging to his career and given recent events the police would be very hard pushed to ignore Dv from a serving officer. Report this immediately while you have the bruises et. to prove it, this will only escalate so you are in serious danger!

justthecat · 26/12/2021 21:07

Take pictures of your injuries and go to police.

NothingIsWrong · 26/12/2021 21:08

Or rather, once you have phoned the police you need to insist it is escalated internally to professional standards. They should have a route to investigate their own officers that doesn't involve their peers.

Cactuslove · 26/12/2021 21:08

I'm worried at how quickly his behaviour has escalated in the space of the week. In terms of the gravity of what he has done but also that he has done it with children present. OP is there anywhere you can go? A safe place where you can go with your kids- a family member or friend? I also think police and women's aid are next steps too. I know you're scared. I know you're in shock. Forget about his families money. Women's aid and the police will support you but you need to start eating this abuse on record. I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I hope someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

Pinkchocolate · 26/12/2021 21:08

@Christmasturkey8888

He is a police man so has told me already it's my word against his
Even more reason to report him. He’s saying that to scare you and put you off. Please report him ASAP and get yourself and your children somewhere safe.
Plinkplonk1234 · 26/12/2021 21:09

I just saw that he is a police man. I would keep a diary of everything with times and date and what was said, who was there etc.

dancingbymyself · 26/12/2021 21:10

Call the police, take photos, call a friend - start documenting everything.

Cactuslove · 26/12/2021 21:10

Just seen your update. My friend used to work for a domestic violence charity. She saw men from all different professions including policemen. She was never fooled. They never won. She supported the women regardless of the abusers job. Please don't let this hold you back.

user15364596354862 · 26/12/2021 21:10

He's told you a lot of things, it doesn't mean they're true

Exactly what I was going to say.

You will be eligible for legal aid.

"She's mad and therefore I kicked the shit out of her" is not a defence anybody is going to accept and it sure as hell won't give him the ability to take your child.

Abuse is about power and control - these lies he's telling you to frighten you are also to control you. They're the same bullshit all abusers come out with.

Please get help.