Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

How does this happen to peoples lives

154 replies

Christmasturkey8888 · 26/12/2021 20:58

I just need to get this out the last two weeks I have been so stressed I am on the edge

Partner had boys night out last week came home
Stinking drunk (as he usually does any time he drinks) he woke during the night when the baby cried and tried to lift him I wouldn't let him and he threw me to the ground and started kicking me. I got away into the other room and he fell back to sleep. Next morning no recollection and shocker he had also got a girls number who he also had no recollection of. He doesn't hide his phone so I don't think he's having an affair.

Spent a week talking things through and I felt we had got things sorted and back on track. This morning we were rushing to leave to go to his parents and his DD came.

I was running behind and he put the baby and His DD into car and was helping my DS put his shoes on and shouted at me
Up the stairs to hurry up you fat slut.

I was raging as he wouldn't speak like that infront of his DD so why infront of my DS. He then brought him out to the car and came back in we argued and he pushed me to the ground, choked me for about 20 seconds. I got up and he kicked me again and pressed my face into the ground I have a black bruise on my head and my front teeth hurt. Then he choked me again I started screaming for help and he walked out.

I didn't want to let my kids down so I went to his parents and he ignored me all day. We're not home and I'm up in bed with the kids my body is sore I can't believe this is my life I'm a professional woman .

I'm scared he'll take the baby from me if I leave as he tells me I'm
Mad and i make him do this

OP posts:
thetinsoldier · 26/12/2021 22:41

He's a policeman! That's even worse. He absolutely should not be in the police. He's a disgusting bully.

user1471442488 · 26/12/2021 22:42

Get your kids out of this situation. I know it’s not easy but you don’t want this for you or for them. Your poor son must be terrified.

tiredanddangerous · 26/12/2021 22:46

This man will kill you. Get yourself and your baby away from him as quickly as you canFlowers

Minfilia · 26/12/2021 22:47

My sisters husband was a police officer too.

He still got a suspended sentence for beating the shit out of her and lost his career to boot.

Fairycake2 · 26/12/2021 22:51

Please get some help OP and sooner rather than later. Don't let this vile man have an opportunity to hurt you (or one of your children) again 💐

ENDOFMESSAGE · 26/12/2021 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

thisplaceisweird · 26/12/2021 22:54

Well done for making a really brave step which is admitting what is happening to yourself and writing it here. Sometimes that's the hardest bit. There's great advice here I want to reiterate, in case you're not ready to go to the police yet.

  1. Take photos of everything, keep a record of the event, date, time etc. Every detail. You can lock notes in your phone if necessary. Or create yourself a new email address and send it there then delete from your sent folder.
  2. Tell someone. Having someone on your team is going to be a huge help even though admitting this to someone in 'real life' seems scary and sometimes humiliating. You need someone in your corner to remind you that you are loved, you aren't mad and you don't deserve this. In the meantime we can help here.

When you are ready go to the Police. He won't get away with this and he won't get your kids.

oatmilk4breakfast · 26/12/2021 22:54

Oh god. Please, if you have anywhere to go tonight take your son and go. Report this man to the police. It must be terrifying as he is on the force himself but all the more reason. He basically tried to kill you. Leave for your son if not yourself.

Wombat69 · 26/12/2021 22:56

Choking is a big flag for future femicide.

Time to get all the help.

WonderfulYou · 26/12/2021 22:58

I didn't want to let my kids down

If you didn’t want to let your kids down then you would have left him already.

If you don’t want to leave him then at least get someone to take care of them so they don’t have to be involved in this as it’s seriously not fair.

Cakeofdoom · 26/12/2021 23:00

It took me 20 yrs to leave my abusive ex, he also choked me, completely unprovoked. I stayed because of the kids, I was terrified of being homeless and penniless with 3 young kids and he knew that. I implore you to call the Police, they will remove him from the property tonight. The next time he does this might hospitalise you or worse

oatmilk4breakfast · 26/12/2021 23:01

I think there is a special signal that you can use in certain places to tell someone that you are being abused without having to say it out loud

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/the-simple-hand-signal-that-lets-people-know-youre-in-danger-and-other-ways-to-ask-for-help-12243563

Also in pharmacies I think if you ask for ANI (say it ‘Annie’) they may also understand and help you - www.google.co.uk/amp/s/inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/women/signal-for-help-hand-gesture-codes-life-saving-ask-for-ani-dial-55-1290777/amp

Hen2018 · 26/12/2021 23:06

Well, he won’t be a police officer for much longer.

I’d call the police right now.

Cakeandcardio · 26/12/2021 23:08

I feel so sick reading this. You know this isn't acceptable. You are a loving mum so what evidence is there for him to get your child? Children need stability and he is not it. He is a psycho. Please get away. There's so so much more help available to you than you realise. It might seem like money will help him but judges have seen it all and are impartial. Please for the sake of your life and your children's wellbeing, get away. Your children need you. Don't become a statistic. Good luck.

Notmoresugar · 26/12/2021 23:08

Call the police.

MrsBaublesDylan · 26/12/2021 23:09

You need medical attention. You have been choked twice today for prolonged periods.

You can suffer serious after effects which along become evident hours after.

You need to protect yourself before he kills you.

Cakeandcardio · 26/12/2021 23:10

I would also add that abusers have a way of saying things to make their victims doubt themselves etc. Like a previous poster said, he won't be a police officer for much longer. Don't doubt yourself. Most of what he will say isn't true.

Ballcactus · 26/12/2021 23:12

You would be entitled to legal aid as a victim of abuse, I’m so sorry. Choking is a major flag of a more serious assault with a permanent ending. Where are you? Women’s aid can help

Dontjudgeme101 · 26/12/2021 23:12

Please leave op. 💐💐💐💐

Ballcactus · 26/12/2021 23:14

Ignore this. It is not as simple as leave him already so less of the shaming she’s been through enough

mariebaby3 · 26/12/2021 23:22

Reading your post has really hit me. Please don’t stay, take your baby and get to somewhere safe. He isn’t going to just stop, his behaviour is escalating and you don’t know where it’s going to lead next. I know this is so so hard, but you have to put yours and your babies safety first.

If you have somewhere to go that is safe go there. If you’re worried about your safety do it when he’s not at home or ask someone to escort you, call the police and ask them to escort you even. Make a report for the abuse, contact womens aid for advice…. As a domestic abuse victim you will get legal aid so you won’t have to pay for your legal fees.

This must be so overwhelming for you, I’m so sorry. Look after yourself and baby, you two are all that matters.

bubbleblower85 · 26/12/2021 23:22

Please take photos and videos of your injuries for evidence, then call women's aid/refuge for help.
I am so sorry you are going through this now but you can make the choice not to go through this again by leaving the bastard.

WonderfulYou · 26/12/2021 23:23

I know from experience this will be taken more seriously because he’s a police officer - don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise.

mariebaby3 · 26/12/2021 23:23

Also everything he is telling you is just to scare you into not taking action. Ignore it.

thecatsinthecradle · 26/12/2021 23:23

OP I'm so so sorry that you're going through this. It sounds horrendous.
He is physically and emotionally abusive and also maybe financially?
I know it's not as easy as 'just leave'
Can you bide your time and gather some evidence?
It's also very worrying that he is a cop. If he treats his wife this way then I'd question his suitability to be in this job.