How does this happen to peoples lives

[Christmasturkey8888]

I just need to get this out the last two weeks I have been so stressed I am on the edge

Partner had boys night out last week came home
Stinking drunk (as he usually does any time he drinks) he woke during the night when the baby cried and tried to lift him I wouldn't let him and he threw me to the ground and started kicking me. I got away into the other room and he fell back to sleep. Next morning no recollection and shocker he had also got a girls number who he also had no recollection of. He doesn't hide his phone so I don't think he's having an affair.

Spent a week talking things through and I felt we had got things sorted and back on track. This morning we were rushing to leave to go to his parents and his DD came.

I was running behind and he put the baby and His DD into car and was helping my DS put his shoes on and shouted at me
Up the stairs to hurry up you fat slut.

I was raging as he wouldn't speak like that infront of his DD so why infront of my DS. He then brought him out to the car and came back in we argued and he pushed me to the ground, choked me for about 20 seconds. I got up and he kicked me again and pressed my face into the ground I have a black bruise on my head and my front teeth hurt. Then he choked me again I started screaming for help and he walked out.

I didn't want to let my kids down so I went to his parents and he ignored me all day. We're not home and I'm up in bed with the kids my body is sore I can't believe this is my life I'm a professional woman .

I'm scared he'll take the baby from me if I leave as he tells me I'm
Mad and i make him do this

Call Women's Aid.

Hi OP, could you call the police force from the neighbouring county rather than your local police force, and ask for it to be investigated by a different police force rather than his colleagues? Some counties have an arrangement like this in place for this exact reason.

You could also try contacting this organisation:
www.centreforwomensjustice.org.uk/

If you are still at his family's home have they noticed the bruising?

I’m
So sorry you’re going through this OP.
Definitely get in touch with women’s aid, phone/online chat. You must get away from this abuser.

Many chemists are doing the ask for ANI thing -and chemists and other places like TSB banks have safe spaces where you can get info and use their room to go online or make a call to someone.

What a vile piece of shit he is!!
Tell someone IRL who you trust and report to the police. They won't believe him just because he's a policeman he's saying that to stop you reporting him.
Choking is extremely serious and he could have killed you.
Get to a place of safety and call the police.
Utter fucking scum bag he is!
Keep posting on here when it's safe, we're all with you xx

Get out NOW
Please for your sake and your child....take child .....go ANYWHERE
Call the police once you are safe
Take photos of any injuries

I. So so sad to read this but please......run

@Lulu1919

Get out NOW Please for your sake and your child....take child .....go ANYWHERE Call the police once you are safe Take photos of any injuries

I. So so sad to read this but please......run

Sorry just re read he's a police officer....report to another station and before speaking make sure they know you are a serving officers wife and the complaint is about him

@MrsBaublesDylan

You need medical attention. You have been choked twice today for prolonged periods.

You can suffer serious after effects which along become evident hours after.

You need to protect yourself before he kills you.

Please listen to this poster, she is 100% right. You could have serious damage to your neck and throat which can affect your breathing and swallowing.

You might also need an x ray of your teeth in case the roots are damaged.

It’s vital that you get this seen to

1. For your own health and well being

1. Because it’s hard medical evidence that he abused you and that it’s not your word against his. This means that he’s more likely to be convicted which keeps you and your children safe.

I have experience of working in partnership with the police. The service is well aware that police officers can be abusers and I have experience of it being addressed
Please don’t assume that they will automatically accept his version. But you do need evidence. Tell friends, take photos and recordings
Take photos of your injuries if visible
Go to A/E. they will assess your injuries and note any limits on the range of movements caused by unseen injury
Good Luck 💐

I have just read your OP with my mouth wide open!
His violent behaviour is clearly escalating and it's imperative that you get your son and yourself away RIGHT NOW.
He's dangerous and could kill you. Think of your son if that was to happen.
Go to family or a friend and don't think about being embarrassed. You and your son deserve to be safe.

Op how are you doing?

Your partner is a vile abuser. Being a police officer doesn't offer him protection against criminal acts. And he is beating you (that is aside from all the vile name calling) and controlling you. He is a criminal. He isn't fit to be a police officer and he isn't fit to be your partner or a father. He is a dangerous man.

Please let go of this feeling that you have somehow failed or of embarrasement. You've done nothing wrong. You have got landed with a criminal abuser for a partner. Your DC have been landed with an abusive father. You and they deserve better.

I'm seriously concerned that he will get worse (most times they do) and that your lives are at risk. Where would your DC be if they no longer had you? Can you see the damage it is already doing them living in this environment?

Please please please take photos of your bruises, report him to the police, tell people IRL and leave him as quickly and safely as possible. Have other people around when you do so, as he is a dangerous man.

There is literally no benefit for you or your DC having him around. But there are lots of threats to your physical and mental wellbeing.

You have done nothing wrong. Your DC are innocent in this. He is vile, cruel, evil. Being a police officer won't get him off the hook. And if you want to ensure your children's future safety, report all his offences. Show them the photos. There is no way he's going to get custody with that evidence.

Leave him and report him to the police.

They won't want a dangerous drunk, wife beating officer in the force and will have to investigate his conduct.

Also you need to protect your kids and keep him away from them.

Take pictures of your bruises and so on so you have evidence. Act now.

OP please get seen at hospital so it is documented and there is evidence. He is an evil, manipulative, violent excuse of a man. It's not your fault. Please try and leave if you can.

Hi sorry just reading all the posts I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply. The bruise on my head I covered with make up and it's out in a bump but can cover it under my hairline kind of so no one noticed it. There were red marks around my neck but they faded my neck is sore and my shoulders are sore. I have a bruise/cut on my back as when he held me down his keys were In my back and I have a few bumps on the back of my head. The bruising on my arms I can cover with a long sleeve top so his family wouldn't have noticed any of them anyway.

I have taken photos of all what I can and u did get photos of the marks round my neck when they were there. I am scared of him I will leave believe me I will. I just need to get things sorted before I do I don't want to go live in a hostel with my kids. This house is in his name so I will be looking for a rental for me and my children and then I will go. I am so sore this morning and my brain is tired too I won't have another christmas like this

Thank you all again

Op please find a way to safely call women's aid. You need to leave olp, he could leave your children with no mother. You are all in danger. A refuge will be safer than staying there.

Sending love. You have obviously been injured quite badly if you are trying to cover it all. I think you should be seen by someone, at a minor injuries clinic or somewhere. Not that it's minor.

Growing up we had a friend who's dad was police. He also beat the shut out of his wife. Disgusting.
I hope you can find the strength to leave.

@Christmasturkey8888 every single day that you stay there is a further risk to your life.

By choking you he is showing you that he can kill you.

I totally get that you don't want to end up in a refuge but seriously... would you rather your children be left in his care because you are on a mortuary slab? Because this is the reality here.

Please call refuge or womens aid today x

[quote SpookyScarySkeletons]@Christmasturkey8888 every single day that you stay there is a further risk to your life.

By choking you he is showing you that he can kill you.

I totally get that you don't want to end up in a refuge but seriously... would you rather your children be left in his care because you are on a mortuary slab? Because this is the reality here.

Please call refuge or womens aid today x [/quote]
Please listen to this OP.

If he had choked and battered your child, would you wait until you had a rental lined up to avoid going to a shelter or refuge? Of course not.

Your children desperately need you to be alive and every day you stay there is a risk that you will be killed. Being choked just once by a partner means you're 6-7 times more likely to be murdered by them.

If you die, your children will grow up in this man's care. He will abuse them like he abuses you.

I beg you to leave today even if it means going to a shelter / refuge. It's the only way to keep your children safe.

OP I heard something terrible on the news today so I'm glad you're still communicating.

I'm glad you're making plans to leave, but stick with it and don't minimise what happened. He could have left your children alone in the world. He's not worthy of any of you.

I also grew up with a friend who police office father was an abusive philanderer.

If you speak with DV services they can help apply for an Occupational Order and Non Molestation order by which he will be removed from the property, it makes.no difference its in his name, you have rights to occupy as you have children. Getting a rental will take weeks.....and he will find you. You absolutely need to involve the authorities if you want to remain alive - I don't want to scare you but this is a very real prospect

I can't believe this is my life I'm a professional woman

I'm scared he'll take the baby from me if I leave as he tells me I'm
Mad and i make him do this

As a professional woman I hope you realise that is absolute horseshit and one word from you to the police and social services and not only would he not not see you again, but neither of his children either.

He is a police man so has told me already it's my word against his

More absolute horseshit. Don't fall for it. If you are bruised then get it photographed and documented immediately. IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait.

Go to your parents or a friend's house with your children. Call his DDs mother and tell her she needs to take her home immediately because the police will be coming to arrest him soon..

His family have a lot of money and I don't have any savings. He would get a lot of help legally and I wouldn't have that kind of back up it would just be me

No amount of legal help is going to get him off the hook with this one if you have bruises. Nor will having money help him convince social services that he's not a danger to his own children.

You shouldn't be hiding the bruises - his parents need to know what he's capable of.

Report now before you back out. With no evidence there's nothing to back you up.

Your injuries sound pretty bad. He's a nasty piece of work.

Have you posted about him and his abuse and threats before? You need to get away with dc. What sort of example is it to set them to tolerate physical, verbal and emotional abuse? He might have money but bet his threats are empty. Speak to WA and clue up.

I think his family are aware what he is like. His mum has seen bruises on me before and asked me about them and said they looked like grab marks then she never mentioned it again.

His ex before me accused him of hitting her but this was denied by him and his parents to me that she was just bad news. His parents are both doctors so I stupidly believed them