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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do men always suggest going for walks as a first date?

298 replies

Marble2021 · 24/12/2021 17:30

This has happened to me a lot. Guys always want to go for a walk as the first date. I completely understand this during lockdown when nowhere is open, but even when we weren't in lockdown and all bars and restaurants were open, they still wanted to go on a walk as a first date. When I suggest meeting at a bar instead, they don't seem to want to. By the way, they are definitely suggesting a date, not just a friendly meet up. Anyone got any ideas as to why they always suggest going to a walk around the streets as a first date?

OP posts:
Cyw2018 · 26/12/2021 10:33

A walk was my go to suggesting for a first date and I'm a women.

I enjoy walking, find talking tiring with lots of background noise and it is easy to either end it when you've finished walking or carry on for drink/food somewhere after depending on how it's going.

So, not just a man thing.

LetsGoThenSanta · 26/12/2021 10:35

@Marble2021
Is it a walk and then you stop off somewhere for a coffee? Or a walk around and then that's the end?

Marble2021 · 26/12/2021 10:58

[quote LetsGoThenSanta]@Marble2021
Is it a walk and then you stop off somewhere for a coffee? Or a walk around and then that's the end? [/quote]
It's only a walk. No stopping anywhere for a coffee or something to eat.

OP posts:
LetsGoThenSanta · 26/12/2021 11:27

@Marble2021
Oh I don't think I'd want to do that time and time again. Part of the dating process is to get to know people in different settings I think, and trying different places and experiences. Going for a walk every now and then, fair enough or having it as part of the date, but the whole date? Without even a picnic?!

How about suggesting something like "yes that would be nice to go for a walk near X and then shall we stop off somewhere for a coffee?" Or make the suggestion when you're out walking?

gannett · 26/12/2021 11:34

I also think it's tragic that many women's first reaction to a walking date would be to get huffy that a man you barely know isn't splashing the cash on you. Pitiable on so many levels even before you get to why a walking date is good in itself anyway.

Firstly I neither want nor expect a man to spend money on me on a first date. I always chose to go halves, even if it was just a coffee or a pint.

Secondly having cash to splash in the first place wasn't what I was looking for. Maybe because I've spent a lot of time in social circles drawn from careers and industries that don't pay a lot (arts, etc), but if a man can't afford to keep spending money on first dates, I don't see that as a failing (and I think women who do are kind of awful).

And regardless of the above I think a walk is actually perfect for first dates. As PP have said, you can actually hear each other speak. No nervous drinking - getting the adrenaline going with physical activity is much better at settling nerves! No second-guessing the silly who's-paying-for-what stuff. Everyone looks better than they think they do on a walk - no, you won't be artificially perfectly coiffed and glam but you'll look healthy and glowing.

Countryside walks are great to be in nature. City centre walks are great to learn about weird and wonderful history - DP and I do tons in London, and some of the most interesting ones are in bits of the city you might think are totally unremarkable.

Absolutely love a walking date!

And if for whatever reason you don't want to go on one you can always just SAY SO rather than get in a huff over someone else suggesting something reasonable.

Marble2021 · 26/12/2021 11:39

[quote LetsGoThenSanta]@Marble2021
Oh I don't think I'd want to do that time and time again. Part of the dating process is to get to know people in different settings I think, and trying different places and experiences. Going for a walk every now and then, fair enough or having it as part of the date, but the whole date? Without even a picnic?!

How about suggesting something like "yes that would be nice to go for a walk near X and then shall we stop off somewhere for a coffee?" Or make the suggestion when you're out walking? [/quote]
I have always made the suggestion of going to a bar or for a coffee, but they say they don't want to do that and that they would prefer to only go for a walk. I suggested getting ice cream once and they also did not want to do that.

OP posts:
LetsGoThenSanta · 26/12/2021 11:46

@Marble2021
How off putting!
I wonder then if they are just being really tight and not wanting to spend money, or it's just a sign they're not bothered about what you want. Either way, it would put me right off and I wouldn't bother with a second date.

Calamitydrayne · 26/12/2021 11:53

Maybe they just innocently thought the woman would feel safer in a public place for the first meeting and it didn't have anything to do with the last 9 pages of made up scenarios about the man's character? Just a thought....

Notwithittoday · 26/12/2021 12:38

Haven’t read the whole thread but can see some women here with the right idea, some very wrong and everything in between.
I’ve been a dating coach ( mostly American people) and I wouldn’t allow walking dates. Basically OLD and dating in general is VERY competitive and initially looks based. Women have to be quite smart to stand out from others and get decent dates. Men like a challenge, they like to think they’re potentially dating someone special, in demand etc. You make sure your profile pics are good = well put together, properly groomed. If the guy likes what he sees he will want to please with whatever he offers as the date activity, he won’t want to risk losing the date with a dream girl by offering something boring like a walk. If he thinks you’re just ‘ok’ and he’s casting his net, he’ll put no effort in the date activity suggestion so you will get ‘walk’ suggestions or ‘I’m out tonight with mates, we could meet up?’ ( this is a no no). You don’t really won’t to date guys that think you’re just ‘ok’ even based on your profile. You can turn it around and say ‘I’d rather go out’ and if he’s quick to offer something better than you can give him a chance. If he drags his feet, in the bin with him.
Obviously if you have outdoorsy pics on your profile, you will get more walking suggestions so I wouldn’t have those types of pics. If you are the outdoorsy type you can mention it in your profile but initially you need to focus on getting dates with men who really, really like the look of your profile and weeding out the lukewarm men.

Otterhound · 26/12/2021 13:03

I really dont get the comments about walking dates being ‘low effort’

Woman suggests mid week date at a bar. I turn up in a smart suit, tie etc.
because I have come straight from the office.
Where is the effort in that?

Woman suggests bar date at the weekend. I put some smart casual clothes on
Where is the effort in that?

only a low value male needs to make the effort to impress a woman. A high value male can do it by just turning up.

So I suggest some of the women here need to lose their stupid preconceptions

Calamitydrayne · 26/12/2021 13:09

@Otterhound

I really dont get the comments about walking dates being ‘low effort’

Woman suggests mid week date at a bar. I turn up in a smart suit, tie etc.
because I have come straight from the office.
Where is the effort in that?

Woman suggests bar date at the weekend. I put some smart casual clothes on
Where is the effort in that?

only a low value male needs to make the effort to impress a woman. A high value male can do it by just turning up.

So I suggest some of the women here need to lose their stupid preconceptions

I'd agree. There seems to be a lot of preconceptions with this. You'll probably find most men couldn't win with some of these ahem ladies, no matter what sort of date they offered.
gannett · 26/12/2021 13:13

@Notwithittoday

Haven’t read the whole thread but can see some women here with the right idea, some very wrong and everything in between. I’ve been a dating coach ( mostly American people) and I wouldn’t allow walking dates. Basically OLD and dating in general is VERY competitive and initially looks based. Women have to be quite smart to stand out from others and get decent dates. Men like a challenge, they like to think they’re potentially dating someone special, in demand etc. You make sure your profile pics are good = well put together, properly groomed. If the guy likes what he sees he will want to please with whatever he offers as the date activity, he won’t want to risk losing the date with a dream girl by offering something boring like a walk. If he thinks you’re just ‘ok’ and he’s casting his net, he’ll put no effort in the date activity suggestion so you will get ‘walk’ suggestions or ‘I’m out tonight with mates, we could meet up?’ ( this is a no no). You don’t really won’t to date guys that think you’re just ‘ok’ even based on your profile. You can turn it around and say ‘I’d rather go out’ and if he’s quick to offer something better than you can give him a chance. If he drags his feet, in the bin with him. Obviously if you have outdoorsy pics on your profile, you will get more walking suggestions so I wouldn’t have those types of pics. If you are the outdoorsy type you can mention it in your profile but initially you need to focus on getting dates with men who really, really like the look of your profile and weeding out the lukewarm men.
Yeah, in my experience American dating culture is all kinds of messed up.

These rules are essentially based on the assumption that a woman's worth is in her looks and a man's worth is in his wallet.

Bollocks to both of those tbh.

oopsyoudiditagain · 26/12/2021 13:17

@Otterhound

I really dont get the comments about walking dates being ‘low effort’

Woman suggests mid week date at a bar. I turn up in a smart suit, tie etc.
because I have come straight from the office.
Where is the effort in that?

Woman suggests bar date at the weekend. I put some smart casual clothes on
Where is the effort in that?

only a low value male needs to make the effort to impress a woman. A high value male can do it by just turning up.

So I suggest some of the women here need to lose their stupid preconceptions

How about you realise that women can have different standards and boundaries, you have no say in it. And stop calling them stupid. Different women look for different things, on this thread alone you can see many women would be okey with walking date. No reason for you to be so upset. Your whole comment made you look low value and a prick.
SunshineInMyTea · 26/12/2021 13:21

@gannett
These rules are essentially based on the assumption that a woman's worth is in her looks and a man's worth is in his wallet.
Bollocks to both of those tbh.

I agree, it’s time men stop being shallow and care about looks.
It’s time men give chances to less attractive and ugly women.

How many men do you think is willing to step up and make a change?

Otterhound · 26/12/2021 13:24

I think you’ll find I said their preconceptions were stupid.

You clearly don’t understand English. Btw I am not in the least bit upset

Notwithittoday · 26/12/2021 13:25

@gannett I used the same approach in my own dating life here in the UK. It’s no different. I only
mentioned America because I realise not many British women use coaches.

roarfeckingroarr · 26/12/2021 13:26

I love a walk but would think cheap skate for first date. I also expect the man to buy the first round, ideally the first two. Happy to split things further on but it sets the intent and shows he's a gentleman.

gelatodipistacchio · 26/12/2021 13:37

@FabulousMrFifty nice neg 🙄. And assumptions. I did not say that I get myself all done up. In fact, I have a very natural look and approach, as I don't live my life trying to catch a man.

@CheeseMmmm I am not describing what men say. I am observing what they do. They aren't overt in their patriarchal attitudes, and most probably don't even realise how deeply rooted their entitled beliefs are.

By way of example, in lockdown, I saw my female professional friends get totally shafted by their supposedly egalitarian husbands who refused to pull their weight with childcare etc. This showed the deeply held beliefs of men that they shouldn't have to "help" at home. And strategic incompetence. These are EXTREMELY common attitudes and behaviours, and are all born of patriarchy and misogyny.

I also have not equated being done up with beauty. I have simply said that men believe they deserve beautiful women. Obviously beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

gelatodipistacchio · 26/12/2021 13:43

@CheeseMmmm also, I think that you must have been very lucky in love. I used to be so guileless and ended up having my life destroyed by a selfish and self centered man whose cheapness was apparent from the start. It's not about having a lot of money and splashing it about, but rather a generous spirit and being willing to make some effort, however minor. A lot of what @Notwithittoday said above resonates with me and reflects the strategies from FDS.

Notwithittoday · 26/12/2021 13:57

@gelatodipistacchio I’ve just looked up FDS dating. All looks about right I would say. Men don’t like women with any kind of ‘game’ or ‘strategy’ and women don’t like to admit they need one but do. Some naturally get how to deal with men so they don’t get treated like rubbish but others need to be a bit savvier to weed out the time wasters and generally bad news types. You can waste a lot years and tears on rubbish men.

oopsyoudiditagain · 26/12/2021 14:05

@Otterhound

I think you’ll find I said their preconceptions were stupid.

You clearly don’t understand English. Btw I am not in the least bit upset

It’s you who doesn’t understand English. And you seem very upset.
SunshineInMyTea · 26/12/2021 14:16

Men and certain type of women don’t like women with self-respect and boundaries (or place like FDS) because in their minds women should settle for any excuse of a man.
These people also find single women dangerous because they don’t fall in line.

Truth is there are mountains of crap men out there.
Not enough of ”good one’s” for all women who interested in dating men.
Men know this.

gofigureit · 26/12/2021 17:37

My 'spare' time is really precious to me.
If I'm going to spend time and effort (and yes money) getting ready then I want to go somewhere interesting or I haven't been before.
Sadly I live in a pretty unhappy uninteresting area of the country - a walking date wouldn't be particularly pretty. I also I have a dog - so I'm not short of a walking companion.

I'd much rather get a quick coffee, or a drink in a pub/bar.
I have to say it doesn't feel terribly 'sexy' having a coffee - again in my area there are only chain coffee shops - really not 'date' atmospheres to me.
I tend to not agree to dinner dates as a first date - but I think I need to up my game and demand better value and better dated because I end up friend zoning the men because I don't feel a romantic connection to them (which I think is partly because the dates are in such biting settings snd it's hard to get in the romance zone!)

countrylady2 · 26/12/2021 18:17

I went on some walk dates during the pandemic. It fizzled out and the guy still goes walking with his friends now as he is petrified of covid yet teaches in a school all day. 🙄

ChristmasRobins · 26/12/2021 18:42

Sounds lovely to me- it wouldn’t cross my mind that they were being cheap. Also a good idea given the covid situation.