Why do men always suggest going for walks as a first date?

[Marble2021]

This has happened to me a lot. Guys always want to go for a walk as the first date. I completely understand this during lockdown when nowhere is open, but even when we weren't in lockdown and all bars and restaurants were open, they still wanted to go on a walk as a first date. When I suggest meeting at a bar instead, they don't seem to want to. By the way, they are definitely suggesting a date, not just a friendly meet up. Anyone got any ideas as to why they always suggest going to a walk around the streets as a first date?

Why accept a video call as a first date? It's low effort and cheap. I wouldn't date anyone who didn't put in the time to meet me in person.

** I don't actually believe this. Just highlighting how daft it is having blanket rules about what things other people choose to do mean.

@36degrees

Big Jane Austen fans?

😂 Love it 🤣

The bar for men is already in hades and yet they want it even lower.

People here acting like they really don't understand what it means when a man makes an effort, trying to pass it off as spending money but everyone really knows what it means.

@Jennifer2r

Why accept a video call as a first date? It's low effort and cheap. I wouldn't date anyone who didn't put in the time to meet me in person.

** I don't actually believe this. Just highlighting how daft it is having blanket rules about what things other people choose to do mean.

Sneering? It’s disbelief. Most men are awful, or nice but useless with strategic incompetence. Randoms online do not deserve so much of my time for in person vetting. I date with intent and vet accordingly, only leaving the house for a good offer. Women should know their worth so much more. There is also a huge safety element that comes with inviting random men into your life. I don’t know which random park bloke might turn out to be unhinged and call me incessantly and follow me around on every dating app because I didn’t like date 0.

And you are however definitely sneering. The bookings only cocktail bar idea was not a ‘fancy night out’ (why are people trying to conflate having standards with cash and posh dinners?) but so the man had to use his initiative to book somewhere and pick a venue that needs some forward planning. It’s about effort and thought- not finances.

And a video call isn’t the date….it’s me first of checking..

a) do they accept the offer to make me feel at ease? If not, throw them back in the dating pool. Worst case scenario they are married and trying to cheat.

b) do I get bad vibes off them? Men can hide that they are utter bastards, but some have the poorest social skills that they will make off colour jokes and say weird things as ice breakers.

c) I also look at where they live, just a glance in the background. Is it tidy? Or piles of shit everywhere? Have they honestly not even tidied up their room to talk to me?

d) do they look like their photos or have they shaved 10 years off their ages?

I only had nice experiences and dates with the men I videochatted with- so the vetting before was enough. However once doing this I caught out a married bloke- accepted my FaceTime at his office at 8pm and I saw his wedding photo in the background

I have come to realise that walk dates = Stingy male and it will continue throughout your relationship. He does it because he doesn't have to spend any money on treating you. Mine even brought his own drink from home to avoid paying for drinks. Never again will I lower my expectations.

@Pky45 the "valuable" comment isn't about the amount of money spent, but a reflection of the fact that a woman values herself and expects to be treated respectfully/well. FDS uses the terms "high value", "low value", etc to describe worthwhile people. A rich man who treats you like trash is defined as low value.

I'm married and I have come across FDS before and find it fascinating. I think there's a lot of value in it. It's not just about money, it's about effort, thought and time. FWIW my DH did all the right things, it's only now with hindsight I look back and think it was lucky we worked out because I hadn't really given any thought to what a successful date would look like.

The walk guy who brought his own drinks….what a catch!
I thing men who did this are probably quite stingy - unless it came with a nice cafe involved.

Female Dating Strategy sounds a bit like a British version of The Rules - which definitely work!

@suprima I guess we just disagree! There are people on this thread who've met their partners on walking dates so I think it's proven that it can work. I'm pleased you got your happy ever after. Merry Christmas 🎄

I’m male and generally don’t like walk dates as first dates, from experience, but mainly for practical reasons.

The thing is, what I’ve learned is that no matter how much you chat online first or how much you look good on paper, you can’t tell if you have the all important chemistry until you meet. And I’ve also learned you tend to know whether you potentially have this or not within the first ten minutes of meeting.

So, on a first date meeting for a quick coffee suits me fine. I think it’s good for both parties. If we click we can extend things. If we don’t we can take our leave after a drink, guilt free, and wish each other well (and I’m more than happy to pay for those drinks).

There’s nothing worse, in my opinion, than setting up and having to stay for an expensive three-course meal struggling for conversation or likewise on a three hour walk, when you’ve both pretty much clocked within ten minutes of saying hello, that “this person isn’t what I imagined”. So can’t we be grown up about this and be practical?

I’m sorry if that makes me appear “low value” but, for what it’s worth the person I’m looking for is someone strong and independent who will be my equal in all things (though, of course, I’d love to spoil them at times too!) Someone who wants to be treated as “a queen” isn’t going to be for me, sorry, because that suggests a power imbalance.

@PermanentTemporary

I.also like it because there are some people who look great when they walk and some that don't. I thoroughly enjoy following a man's arse up a hill.

@ChiefStockingStuffer
‘Yes, but if the date doesn't work out, you still have a nice outfit to wear out again on other occasions/outings/dates.
It's costly for both men and women, especially if it's taking some time to find someone compatible.’

And that’s my point exactly . It DOESNT cost anywhere near as much for the man especially when it’s just cheap ass dates and no , womens haircuts nails etc don’t last indefinitely for the next events
Plenty of men expect women who put in the effort of makeup, hair, pretty nails, nice clothes ( regardless of where the date is ) whilst their effort consists of Irvine’s clothes and a shave .

@TossaCointoYerWitcha

I’m male and generally don’t like walk dates as first dates, from experience, but mainly for practical reasons.

The thing is, what I’ve learned is that no matter how much you chat online first or how much you look good on paper, you can’t tell if you have the all important chemistry until you meet. And I’ve also learned you tend to know whether you potentially have this or not within the first ten minutes of meeting.

So, on a first date meeting for a quick coffee suits me fine. I think it’s good for both parties. If we click we can extend things. If we don’t we can take our leave after a drink, guilt free, and wish each other well (and I’m more than happy to pay for those drinks).

There’s nothing worse, in my opinion, than setting up and having to stay for an expensive three-course meal struggling for conversation or likewise on a three hour walk, when you’ve both pretty much clocked within ten minutes of saying hello, that “this person isn’t what I imagined”. So can’t we be grown up about this and be practical?

I’m sorry if that makes me appear “low value” but, for what it’s worth the person I’m looking for is someone strong and independent who will be my equal in all things (though, of course, I’d love to spoil them at times too!) Someone who wants to be treated as “a queen” isn’t going to be for me, sorry, because that suggests a power imbalance.

I understand what your saying but which woman will impress you on said coffee date ( if we are speaking about the appearance side only ) the one who’s hair nails makeup is done beautifully or the one who just turns up with combed hair and ironed clothes ? If you’d one of the few guys who say the later you’re in the minority And if the former it’s costing her a lot more than you

@TossaCointoYerWitcha

I’m male and generally don’t like walk dates as first dates, from experience, but mainly for practical reasons.

The thing is, what I’ve learned is that no matter how much you chat online first or how much you look good on paper, you can’t tell if you have the all important chemistry until you meet. And I’ve also learned you tend to know whether you potentially have this or not within the first ten minutes of meeting.

So, on a first date meeting for a quick coffee suits me fine. I think it’s good for both parties. If we click we can extend things. If we don’t we can take our leave after a drink, guilt free, and wish each other well (and I’m more than happy to pay for those drinks).

There’s nothing worse, in my opinion, than setting up and having to stay for an expensive three-course meal struggling for conversation or likewise on a three hour walk, when you’ve both pretty much clocked within ten minutes of saying hello, that “this person isn’t what I imagined”. So can’t we be grown up about this and be practical?

I’m sorry if that makes me appear “low value” but, for what it’s worth the person I’m looking for is someone strong and independent who will be my equal in all things (though, of course, I’d love to spoil them at times too!) Someone who wants to be treated as “a queen” isn’t going to be for me, sorry, because that suggests a power imbalance.

Yep 💯 % agree with this, must make me “low value “ as well, you can tell with a few minutes of a first date if there is a “click”, so restaurants for first dates are out for me

“remember, you are the prize”. What a way to go into a relationship.

@DontBlameMe79 I'd interpret that as 'remember, you deserve to be treated well' which is a useful view of oneself to have.

@Mouseonmychair

I suggest this it weeds out the gold diggers. I spend a lot of time trying to hide my wealth.

😂

This thread is so interesting.

I think there's just so many factors involved here and given we are all different, probably we're all right and doing totally normal for their circs etc.

Reading all the posts I really think that things eg

Age
Location
Type of person- interests, personality, approach to life etc
Past experiences with dates/ partners making certain attributes more/ less appealing generally
Norms from all sorts of things- upbringing, groups been friends with, biases about various things (positive/negative), level of personal financial security, etc etc.
And more and more.

Without having any clue about anyone, what expectations/ what looking for/ judge on anyone has are just Impossible to discuss (judge!) as what to one person is obvious, to another is just ???

I understand what your saying but which woman will impress you on said coffee date ( if we are speaking about the appearance side only ) the one who’s hair nails makeup is done beautifully or the one who just turns up with combed hair and ironed clothes ?

I get the point, but people like who they like, if the beautifully made up person is boring or self obsessed or it just doesn’t click the hair / make up & nails mean nothing, it’s about the inside of the person not just the outside

I'd love a first date as a walk. I enjoy exercise and always have fun when walking with friends.

Going for a walk around the streets...

I mean if you were going into Glasgow, covent garden, York. Then that could be pleasant of course.

But then it would be called going for a walk in an interesting city centre/ nice area.

Walking around the streets? Maybe you live in Venice? I don't get it. Loads of places are small/ boring/ not very interesting. Used to mooch round high street teen dates but no thanks now.

And off the high street it would be pretty quiet and then the risk thing is back in play...

And clearly going for a walk around streets is going to land well for some and eh??? for others.

I like walking in green areas bumbling part fried chicken shop snappy snaps etc...???

Actually that's the best question for me.

Those who have been on walks round streets on first dates, especially those who like that.

What does it mean? Centre town or travel nice local town to do it? Residential streets? Just wander about?

I'm genuinely not able to imagine what it involves!

Maybe just your local area is not so great - but around me and the next couple of counties in every direction there are loads of great country parks with lovely scenery and often little guides to the local flora and fauna.
At the end of the walk is the cafe/restaurant which are usually very good.

With regards value - how can a man truly value you from a brief internet dating profile and perhaps a few hundred words in chat ? What can the man possible learn to truly ascribe a value to the woman in that time ? Perhaps he should ask for references, talk to the womans parents and siblings, childhood friends and people at her work to truly get the impact she has had on society - then he can attain her true value. Perhaps then offer her dad an appropriate amount to take her off his hands.

When I was dating I lived in Edinburg I always suggested a walk around dean gallery/ modern art gallery. It's free, gives you something to talk about. They sell decent cake/ coffee if it's going well. I went there a lot :)

@CheeseMmmm
Not sure if it counts, but I meet someone at a local NT property with a massive landscaped garden for a walking date, I paid for the entry and she got the coffees afterwards, seemed to go okay