Why do men always suggest going for walks as a first date?

[Marble2021]

This has happened to me a lot. Guys always want to go for a walk as the first date. I completely understand this during lockdown when nowhere is open, but even when we weren't in lockdown and all bars and restaurants were open, they still wanted to go on a walk as a first date. When I suggest meeting at a bar instead, they don't seem to want to. By the way, they are definitely suggesting a date, not just a friendly meet up. Anyone got any ideas as to why they always suggest going to a walk around the streets as a first date?

@Notwithittoday I would be considered “high value” in some ways - PhD, attractive, well-groomed, well-travelled, independent, solvent. I’m afraid, I get more matches when I do not disclose my education and career. Men are easily intimidated. I have met only one highly educated man who wasn’t phased (but he’s very low value in many other ways). I’m all for walking in a beautiful park with a coffee. Never have I expected a man to pay for me or to go all out on a first date. I’m not easily impressed.

@Milomonster what’s your point? If you are naturally ‘high value’ as some women are, men will get that impression from you, you will do well in dating/ relationships you don’t need to put strategy in place. Most women, who aren’t married ( and want to be) by early 30s are going wrong somewhere.

I would think a walk in a city is the best kind of date. Plenty of opportunity to be spontaneous and hire bikes or get an impromptu picnic if it goes well.
This was my first date that I had with the man Im seeing now. No investment of a Saturday night. No shite pub after work drinks (my personal hell) just sat morning, if it goes well can roll into lunch and afternoon but home separately for dinner meaning no pressure. Thought it was a good fun date. We laughed at street performers and got bikes and a picnic. He paid- posh deli picnic more costs more than a prosecco or whatever the makeup and heels brigade want to be bought.

From his pov weeded out the plastic nail, high heel, high maintenance brigade that want him for his job and I got the chance to show off the fact that a) I really am sporty and active not just some shite i made up b) the best thing about me is that I am spontaneous and funny. Looks are really only a part of it, it's mostly charisma.
Men like looks for sure, but wow don't women? I know I do but I like spark and charisma more. All the rules for dating strike me as so artificial. Like those silly women who are still getting up at 5am to put makeup on before their DH sees them 10 yrs down the line.
Recognise the things that make you cool and special and that's what man will fall for. Not haircuts and plastic nails.
Having said that wandering around suburban streets weird and definite pass.

Most women, who aren’t married ( and want to be) by early 30s are going wrong somewhere.

Probably not doing anything ”wrong”.
Likely they just know what they want, have standards and don’t NEED a man - just want to share a life with compatible man.

Sure, if woman is desperate and having any man is better than no man, then it’s pretty easy to have a husband.

Not that all women are angels and all men utter shits, but there are much fewer problematic women around than men.
It’s not even playfield at all.
”Good” men a rare.

@oopsyoudiditagain

Most women, who aren’t married ( and want to be) by early 30s are going wrong somewhere.

Probably not doing anything ”wrong”.
Likely they just know what they want, have standards and don’t NEED a man - just want to share a life with compatible man.

Sure, if woman is desperate and having any man is better than no man, then it’s pretty easy to have a husband.

Not that all women are angels and all men utter shits, but there are much fewer problematic women around than men.
It’s not even playfield at all.
”Good” men a rare.

Good men aren’t ‘rare’. Women just don’t get to them because they’re busy dating lukewarm, time wasters. Of course it’s not about finding any man to marry but if you date enough, you’re the best version of yourself and you weed out unsuitables fast you should be able to find a compatible match to settle down with.

@Notwithittoday
‘Good men arnt rare ‘
I think that depends a lot on a woman’s standards and what she is prepared to call a ‘good man ‘
If A woman considers the stats on men who are addicted to online porn, sex sites etc that leaves much smaller numbers of good men .

Man’s opinion here - assuming the first date is a blind date where you have never met before anything where either party can easily bail if it’s not happening or feeling weird would be the go.

Nothing about being cheap - it’s about avoiding forced, uncomfortable small talk…

If as a man you're no good at talking then it's going to make dating very difficult.

A friend used to go for walks, he just said initially the restrictions forced his hand.

Not all women date because they're looking for someone to settle down with, move in with or marry.

Female dating strategy sounds like the kind of thing Jordan Peterson would come up with.

Walk dates then seem a bit of a marmite thing, not unrelated fro whether you want a proper old fashioned gentleman etc? Originally it was borne out of necessity by Covid but I think a lot of folks see it has plus points. Reading this thread, at the very least it seems a question of high informational value, ie good way to weed out like-minded folk.

[quote MaryAndHerNet]@CheeseMmmm
"Actually that's the best question for me."

One of the best dates I ever had was walking by the beach. There was no glamorous make up, new tops or new shoes and no expensive restaurants. We met up, walked the length of the sea front, had an ice cream, walked back, shared a cone of chips as the sun went down over the water.[/quote]
That sounds amazing!

The walk suggestion the thread is about is walking around the streets though which sounds somewhat less fab!

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@gelatodipistacchio
We will just have to agree to disagree then, as I do fully understand your point, but I just don’t agree with it.
I would probably prefer to meet the more “rumpled” woman, as I want to see the actual real person, not the fully makeup version that you want me to see.
If that makes me “low value”, in your eyes, then that’s fine by me 😊

BTW you would probably fail my vetting test as I’m quite an “outside” kinda person and the outdoors and hair / nails/ makeup do not really go together, but good luck finding someone[/quote]
Lol too right!

I think those who think in terms of vetting, high/low value men and women, value is wealth and splashing the cash for men and done up v glam for women...

Should and I'm sure do stick to dating those with the same views and values,

And everyone else can get on with looking for someone they get on with, fancy, share similar ideas about lifestyle, things find fun/enjoyable etc.

All this value money looks stuff is what MRAs and incels go in for, very much not for me. Stereotypical, sexist, reductive, calculating, coldly clinical, damaging etc to BOTH sexes.

@CheeseMmmm what you have described is literally the opposite of everything I have actually said.

Otterhound-

''only a low value male needs to make the effort to impress a woman. A high value male can do it by just turning up.'

Can you say how you define high/low value males please?

My guess is high value is along the lines of tall, good looking, fit and healthy, loads of money source doesn't matter, maybe a suit comes into it, with expensive accessories, frequents pricey/exclusive places, picks up bills often, is confident etc?

Sorry if got that wrong!

Impresses just by walking in.

Problem is. And I know this sounds so incredible as to be impossible.

Plenty of women have an aversion to men like that. Happy to explain why.
And yes it's stereotyping but so are many posts including yours so can't see that's a problem!

Not a walk but pre-DH I met a bloke at a pre-arranged spot and to my surprise he turned up on a bike, in full-on cycling gear! Not sure if he'd been a long ride before meeting me or what. It was quite a hot day and I was gasping for a drink but when I asked if he wanted to get one (I was thinking along the lines of a cold coke, not champagne!) he said no! We chatted for about 30 minutes then he got back onto his bike and headed off. I never heard from him again but I wasn't bothered, he showed zero effort ugh.

I prefer to meet up in a coffee shop or bar for a first date where we can chat. I feel safer.

My town is by the beach which seems busy but I only go on beach walks if I really find the man attractive.

Because I've been in the situation where I've had to make my escape from an over attentive date on the beach & no one took any notice...

Gelato sorry I could well have got posters confused. I'll read back and see what I've gone and done.

@Marble2021

The walking dates they suggests are not walking around somewhere like Venice or Kew gardens. They always suggest just walking around residential streets or the city centre. But the city centre is nowhere special like Venice or Paris.

And if you say let's stop for a coffee/ice-cream they say no!

This is as much a revelation to me as on a dating type thread where I found out that when men send dick pics it's not unusual for it to be flaccid!

Assume internet dating is what's led plenty of men to reduce standard of behaviour of a load of men to unprecedented lows.

No wonder women are trying to work out how the hell to find one that is even passable... Jesus Christ!

@CheeseMmmm I'm basically just spouting FDS philosophy (which I largely agree with). It's based on a few tenets:

• we live in a patriarchy

• many men will use and mistreat women if given the chance (due to having internalised societal messages about women's and men's place in the world). This takes many forms, but popular ones include abusers, cocklodgers, gross old men looking to exploit younger women, and charming narcissists

• women need to learn to spot the signs that a man is like this (low value men)

• women also need to hold themselves in high regard and protect their time. This means not going out with a man in person until you have hopefully had a video chat, and then to expect some investment of time/effort from the man. This teaches him from the start that you have boundaries and standards.

Walking around residential streets/ town and not buying anything reminds me of dating when in 6th form!

And there was a good reason for it ie both skint.

If weather ok and both wanted, could be bottle of Thunderbirds or similar, break into park and have a bit of a drink smoke and fumble

OP have any of them said let's get a 1.5 litre bottle liebfraumilch and go park when sun starts to go down? 😂😂😂

Gelato that's all good stuff,

FYI when 'low value men' are mentioned I've not come across that meaning before. It's v common in MRA incel circles and means not wealthy, tall, good looking, confident, successful etc.

That's where there's been some misunderstanding. If these terms in the strategy you mention, I'm surprised used same terms been around ages with Angry Men who blame women for everything.

@CheeseMmmm FDS is largely a reaction to these movements. It started on Reddit I think, so uses some Reddit / incel parlance (often ironically), along with its own jargon. I realise that this can be a bit off-putting, but it honestly has made a huge difference in how I perceive dating.

I admit that I have barely dated since leaving my terrible husband, but I will probably put FDS principles into practice when I have the courage to put myself out there more again.

I will add as well that I think it's human nature not to appreciate something that's too easy / not to value a person who doesn't seem to value themselves. In the past I would have been totally fine with a walking date, but when I think about how I am presenting myself and how men
are likely to perceive this/the tone it sets, I can now see that being an easy, 'cool' girl may not be to my advantage.

So that's the message here! Someone like me doesn't like having standards and making demands - but this is all necessary to command respect and to attract those who will give it/discourage those who won't

Gosh, I am totally shocked by this thread.

Newly single after a 25 year relationship I was put off OLD due to stories of predatory men. But seems totally fucked up from both sexes..

I would love a walk as a first date. Honestly who cares who pays for what unless it is ££ - am talking a coffee or whatever.

I can’t think of anything more uncomfortable than getting dressed up and going out and being treated to a meal by someone you haven’t met before. Seems so old fashioned and unbalanced.

Obviously if you have a real spark and hit it off and then someone wants to treat you then lovely! It just seems very icky to do anything other than 50/50 (or ideally no/low cost) until you get to know each other….

I am honestly shocked that I seem to be a bit of an outlier!

[quote gelatodipistacchio]**@CheeseMmmm* also, I think that you must have been very lucky in love. I used to be so guileless and ended up having my life destroyed by a selfish and self centered man whose cheapness was apparent from the start. It's not about having a lot of money and splashing it about, but rather a generous spirit and being willing to make some effort, however minor. A lot of what @Notwithittoday* said above resonates with me and reflects the strategies from FDS.[/quote]
Tbh not lucky in love. Just a lot of experience and not sure why but not interested in men have trouble seeing women/girls as autonomous individuals, rather than mainly an alien species whose place is to look nice, make them feel good, not challenge/disagree with them much at all etc.

Don't know why, that's the lucky bit. Still since started dated 15 have been plenty of bastards, entitlement, coercive behaviour and worse, game players, liars, dickheads and nasty pieces of work.

I mean IRL the socialisation is deep and often not overt but kicks in sometimes.

Given that, it's not exactly surprising that loads of women meet men who turn out to be horrible one way or another.

And then read books, talk online, think about. What THEY should do/ what's wrong with THEM, that this happened/has happened a few times.

I mean it's all arse about face. But women are stuck due to all sorts of factors, including the fact that deep seated entitled attitudes in men are commonplace, and society excuses them. Leaving women high and dry.