Why do men always suggest going for walks as a first date?

[Marble2021]

This has happened to me a lot. Guys always want to go for a walk as the first date. I completely understand this during lockdown when nowhere is open, but even when we weren't in lockdown and all bars and restaurants were open, they still wanted to go on a walk as a first date. When I suggest meeting at a bar instead, they don't seem to want to. By the way, they are definitely suggesting a date, not just a friendly meet up. Anyone got any ideas as to why they always suggest going to a walk around the streets as a first date?

Well it totally depends on area that's the whole point. It's impossible to have a discussion when there's so many variables.

We're lucky to have nice woods, generous areas of lovely common ground (not sure what called!).

OP specified walk round streets though.

And I would not go for walk on first date around the green spaces near us as plenty of big shrubs trees often hardly anyone about.

I wouldn't go there first date esp if never actually met before IE internet.

@FabulousMrFifty

I understand what your saying but which woman will impress you on said coffee date ( if we are speaking about the appearance side only ) the one who’s hair nails makeup is done beautifully or the one who just turns up with combed hair and ironed clothes ?

I get the point, but people like who they like, if the beautifully made up person is boring or self obsessed or it just doesn’t click the hair / make up & nails mean nothing, it’s about the inside of the person not just the outside

Yep, agree with this too.

I get where your coming from @Tealtalk, however you could as easily turn it on its head and say "which man will impress you on a date - the one who organises and pays for a 5 star meal at a posh restaurant or the one who just turns up and buys you a coffee?"

I'm too old and cynical to put a huge stock in appearances. Looking like Kim Kardashian is not going to impress me - quite the opposite. Maybe that makes me a minority - if so, cool, and hopefully that makes me considered "high value". But then again, given my dating preferences, I would also be considered as "low value" by those who follow that FDS.

To be honest, the whole thing gives me a headache.

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@CheeseMmmm
Not sure if it counts, but I meet someone at a local NT property with a massive landscaped garden for a walking date, I paid for the entry and she got the coffees afterwards, seemed to go okay[/quote]
That sounds LOVELY!

Perfect in fact. If you enjoy that really wouldn't presumably get on with someone who hated! So that's cool. Pretty fundamental!

Don't think been one but done RHS gardens Kew etc assuming similar.

Plenty to look at and talk about.
Can stay on beaten track more near people etc if goes really well quieter bits
Assume bogs (v important if getting on a bit like me!).
Presumably cafe, gift shop.
In warm weather... flowers...

Perfect :)

Not for everyone obv but imo that's a really good idea.

Tossa, horses for courses.

Personally.. and everyone is different.

I'd be more impressed by whoever I felt more comfy with, got on with, had a laugh with, fancied, seemed genuine, and bit of (loads) of chemistry.

They're not trying to get me to invest in a new business opportunity.
What's wrong with coffee or similar. Tried and tested, relaxed atmos, can make it short or long, chat get to know each other.
I'd take a McDonald's coffee with a lovely bloke than a dinner at roux's place with a git.

Plus.
I would be put off by suggesting 5 course meal for first date.
Bad idea- don't get on? Stuck. Really awkward.
Why doing it? Is he insecure? A show off? Odds on he'll be expecting some level of impressed feminine style reaction. I hate that.
That situation probably he'd insist on paying? Something else I HATE. For plenty reasons.

Plus in general. 5 courses is a huge amount of food! Unless £££££ Michelin style tiny lovely slither of this with various foams etc... Not all women like that. Has he checked whether she's a steak or radish carpaccio type? Whether she likes all that, will feel comfy?

So no.

If had to choose. Coffee man for me no question.

Other people are different. And that's good, would be boring world otherwise!

@FabulousMrFifty I get the point, but people like who they like, if the beautifully made up person is boring or self obsessed or it just doesn’t click the hair / make up & nails mean nothing, it’s about the inside of the person not just the outside

With all due respect, this totally misses the point. The question was whether you would prefer a woman who is beautifully made up or one who is messy and rumpled. You have not said that you would be interested in the rumpled one, just that you want more than a beautiful woman.

That's the same attitude that we (or I, at least) are propounding. The absolute basement requirement for me in a man is that he has to be willing to make an effort and show consideration for me.

Again, the purpose of this is to vet: most men believe that they deserve a beautiful woman who will serve them, and will make the bare minimum effort just to get sex/admiration/whatever. Unfortunately, this all stems from patriarchal standards which all of us have internalised. A man who is willing to make the effort to plan a fun date and invest some money/energy is more likely to make an effort in general.

There's no perfect test we can use to sieve out the users and abusers, but this is one simple proxy.

Again, the purpose of this is to vet: most men believe that they deserve a beautiful woman who will serve them, and will make the bare minimum effort just to get sex/admiration/whatever.

Sorry, hwever this really strikes me as the female equivalent of the toxic male "red pill" philosophy: most women are hypergamous, want to hook an alpha male for the least effort, etc, etc. And the potential flaw is that the guys who will make the most effort - if we're to judge it on gestures that are all "show" - will most likely be the narcissitic lovebombers, pick-up artists and wealthy guys who feel they can "buy" love. As opposed to honest guys who, yes, will be happy to make some effort, but won't go to such extreme lengths, because, quite frankly, they don't expect it in return. Because they just want what we all want, at heart: someone kind, who understands us, who'll be a kindred spirit.

@TossaCointoYerWitcha

I’m sorry if that makes me appear “low value” but, for what it’s worth the person I’m looking for is someone strong and independent who will be my equal in all things (though, of course, I’d love to spoil them at times too!) Someone who wants to be treated as “a queen” isn’t going to be for me, sorry, because that suggests a power imbalance.

I see that you are weirdly familiar with FDS!

Is it extreme to want an actual date (preceded by a video chat to confirm that both parties get along/are interested?)

What about my suppositions suggests female hypergamy? I have said that we should meet up with fewer men.

I repeat, again: my ex was a mean narcissist and he certainly wasn't one to treat me to anything. I think there is a happy medium sort of date where men can be kind and attentive but not over the top love bombing.

I think there is a happy medium sort of date where men can be kind and attentive but not over the top love bombing.

That I can definitely agree with.

Also read FDS I am in partnered up with a child , but FDS has really helped me see where it was going wrong. A lot of men do expect you to pay 50 percent of bills , do the bulk of cooking cleaning and child rearing . I decided I wasn't happy and have been implementing FDS we are a lot more happy and he's a more active father.

A walking date is low effort it's not just about money but about safety, he could be a creep! It should be at least a coffee.

[quote gelatodipistacchio]**@FabulousMrFifty* I get the point, but people like who they like, if the beautifully made up person is boring or self obsessed or it just doesn’t click the hair / make up & nails mean nothing, it’s about the inside of the person not just the outside*

With all due respect, this totally misses the point. The question was whether you would prefer a woman who is beautifully made up or one who is messy and rumpled. You have not said that you would be interested in the rumpled one, just that you want more than a beautiful woman.

That's the same attitude that we (or I, at least) are propounding. The absolute basement requirement for me in a man is that he has to be willing to make an effort and show consideration for me.

Again, the purpose of this is to vet: most men believe that they deserve a beautiful woman who will serve them, and will make the bare minimum effort just to get sex/admiration/whatever. Unfortunately, this all stems from patriarchal standards which all of us have internalised. A man who is willing to make the effort to plan a fun date and invest some money/energy is more likely to make an effort in general.

There's no perfect test we can use to sieve out the users and abusers, but this is one simple proxy.[/quote]
I find comments on the thread with this sort of view really hard to relate to at all, have zero relation to RL (for me, my area, age etc) whatsoever.

I just totally disagree.

Eg-

1. I'm not sure if you meant to equate beautifully made up with beautiful woman.

If so, they are not related at all.

1. Plenty of men when it comes to girlfriend partner are not keen on loads of makeup/ really done up. It's whole person, same as women like in men.

Attractive? Beautiful? Fancy? Subjective. Beauty is in eye of beholder, v true. No guarantee will actually fancy v done up woman whether beautiful or not. And same vice versa.

1. Plenty of groups of people i know/ have known. Have lifestyles etc that v done up just not appealing at all.

1. Can you say what sort of actions etc you mean re man being considerate of you etc? Not sure how that relates to make up and done up woman

1. The vetting part is just awful imo.

Dating isn't about vetting people fgs! It's about hoping to meet someone you get on with, fancy etc. Vetting is so clinical, so negative, suggestion of checklists. Checklists which are nothing to do with getting to know, attraction, having good time etc.

1. Your view of what most men are like is depressing. Saying most believe they deserve a beautiful woman who will serve them is waay strong! That's incel talk.

Sure we all socialised and plenty men and women consumed iffy ideas about relationships. Beautiful? Nope. Serve? Strong. Plenty men don't pull weight. That's different to expecting to be served!

1. How will women putting loads of makeup on and judging willingness to do whatever you think men should do to pass vetting, have to do with avoiding relationships with men who are/ down the line turn out to be, totally shit in some way?

1. How the hell is women making sure they are done up to the 9s including lots and lots of makeup, and looking for men who will do xyz including spend certain amounts of cash when they go out...

Fighting patriarchy? It's really really not

1. It's the best/ only way women have to try weed out users abusers.

To look at beautiful as poss and make sure bloke willing to splash the cash 😂😂😂😂

@TossaCointoYerWitcha

Again, the purpose of this is to vet: most men believe that they deserve a beautiful woman who will serve them, and will make the bare minimum effort just to get sex/admiration/whatever.

Sorry, hwever this really strikes me as the female equivalent of the toxic male "red pill" philosophy: most women are hypergamous, want to hook an alpha male for the least effort, etc, etc. And the potential flaw is that the guys who will make the most effort - if we're to judge it on gestures that are all "show" - will most likely be the narcissitic lovebombers, pick-up artists and wealthy guys who feel they can "buy" love. As opposed to honest guys who, yes, will be happy to make some effort, but won't go to such extreme lengths, because, quite frankly, they don't expect it in return. Because they just want what we all want, at heart: someone kind, who understands us, who'll be a kindred spirit.

But isn’t saying most women are hypergamous part of the red pill philosophy too ?

Women are no more hypergamous than men in that whilst many women look for what they considered the most valuable assets in a man or resources , many men look for what they consider the most valuable resources in a woman ie appearance
It’s great that you’re different and in the minority . Personally I’d have no issue having coffee with a man who wasn’t hooked into the whole women as ornaments , Instagram model thirst trap followers and porn etc but how does a woman even know that a guy is one of the few who isn’t nowadays with so many being like that .

@CheeseMmmm
"Actually that's the best question for me."

One of the best dates I ever had was walking by the beach. There was no glamorous make up, new tops or new shoes and no expensive restaurants. We met up, walked the length of the sea front, had an ice cream, walked back, shared a cone of chips as the sun went down over the water.

@gelatodipistacchio
We will just have to agree to disagree then, as I do fully understand your point, but I just don’t agree with it.
I would probably prefer to meet the more “rumpled” woman, as I want to see the actual real person, not the fully makeup version that you want me to see.
If that makes me “low value”, in your eyes, then that’s fine by me 😊

BTW you would probably fail my vetting test as I’m quite an “outside” kinda person and the outdoors and hair / nails/ makeup do not really go together, but good luck finding someone

Because it's free, 100%. They don't want to waste any money if you're not like your photo.

Interesting. It's symptomatic of how little people care. They want to see you as cheaply as possible, for the least time, to work out if they can be bothered to see you again.

I found coffee was more common, a drink sometimes but with dp he suggested a walk and a pub lunch, he's snoring happily beside me

The walking dates they suggests are not walking around somewhere like Venice or Kew gardens. They always suggest just walking around residential streets or the city centre. But the city centre is nowhere special like Venice or Paris.

@FabulousMrFifty
‘TW you would probably fail my vetting test as I’m quite an “outside” kinda person and the outdoors and hair / nails/ makeup do not really go together, but good luck finding someone’

Although that wasn’t directed at me
That’s fine so long as you’re not being disingenuous enough to pretend that your not in a minority in felling that way and that many many men today are very fixated on the ‘hot’ women
Let’s not pretend most men are just running around perving on the ‘ruffled ‘ women whilst the model look types or even the types most are watching online just go ignored
Women get so over hearing men claiming not to care about looks to the extreme when their actions show otherwise

@FabulousMrFifty, sorry needed to add ….
Im not saying you’re one of those guys who makes that claim just saying please recognise that many care a whole lot about those things

@Tealtalk
No it wasn’t directed at you.
I don’t think may “Hot” Women, are really interesting in adventure bike riding or Wild Camping, so I think we will have to agree to disagree, as what I’m looking for in someone seems to poles apart from what you seem to think I should be looking for.
Thanks

@Tealtalk

Men are terrible telling who has makeup or not.
Let alone who has hair treatments etc.
Men only view the attractive one’s as people.
That’s why men can claim they don’t care about the makeup, clothes, nails, whatever.
Because they only refer to women who are already deemed as attractive.
The non-attractive women are inanimate objects that have no worth to them.

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@Tealtalk
No it wasn’t directed at you.
I don’t think may “Hot” Women, are really interesting in adventure bike riding or Wild Camping, so I think we will have to agree to disagree, as what I’m looking for in someone seems to poles apart from what you seem to think I should be looking for.
Thanks[/quote]
@FabulousMrFifty
Well it seems you didn’t read what I wrote at all . At no time did I say what you SHOULD be looking for . I simply stated that you are in the minority as many if not most men DO care a whole lot about appearance and don’t feel the way you do .
Good luck in your search mr fifty

[quote oopsyoudiditagain]@Tealtalk

Men are terrible telling who has makeup or not.
Let alone who has hair treatments etc.
Men only view the attractive one’s as people.
That’s why men can claim they don’t care about the makeup, clothes, nails, whatever.
Because they only refer to women who are already deemed as attractive.
The non-attractive women are inanimate objects that have no worth to them.[/quote]
Oh dear , I’d like to think that’s bit true but fear this is definitely the case for many men

*like to think that’s ‘not ‘ true

@Marble2021

The walking dates they suggests are not walking around somewhere like Venice or Kew gardens. They always suggest just walking around residential streets or the city centre. But the city centre is nowhere special like Venice or Paris.

Is this the case? I have never had anyone suggest doing anything like that, I have to say!

I was going to post on here saying there's nothing wrong at all with a walking date and I think it's really tragic if someone thinks it suggests cheapness or lack of commitment. It's a great way to have a low intensity first meet. I think it's much more important to screen before agreeing to meet anyone - phone calls and video calls are essential - and to in general understand there's a good chance of some sort of chemistry, even if it's only on a 'sparking as friends' level.

I've had some great walking dates which have gone on to be a lot more than that, whether in the course of that day or over the longer term. Like others have said, I think you can get a really good sense of someone's personality, whether they're a risk taker, how they handle interacting with other people, how they handle something not going their way, whether they've got a decent level of fitness, so many different things that you can't get sitting across each other in a bar where there's almost a confrontational sense of interview.

None of my walking dates have turned out to be remotely because they didn't want to spend money, or weren't committed to the thought of a date with me.