Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Naimee87 what wonderful news that dickhead teacher was sunk!! I agree with a pp that it did sound like he has some weird obsession with you, what a sad no life, creep of a man with his folder of shyte and slander! So glad it turned out ok for you 💗💗

@SortingItOut glad to hear your night with MrK’s pals was good and sounded like a nice little outfit! We can always rely on our chelsea boots!! 😬

@ibelieveinmirrorballs how was your day out in town? The play sounded good 🙂

There seems to be plenty of positive updates lately on good dates and progressing relationships. Lovely to hear.
I’m off to collect DD1 from uni so a day of driving in the mist for me by the look of it 👀
Mr V had his booster yesterday so I didn’t see him. I knew he was apprehensive about feeling affected by it as we have both known people who have reacted to the booster when they didn’t to the first vaccine. I wanted to make an early start and that would have been more difficult with him here. Current Christmas plan is for Mr V to be here with us, we might even have his sister although I think that’s a long shot - and would make for an interesting day as I have never met her ! His (small) family seem to be very last minute with any making of plans. I prefer to know what I’m doing and like/need to be organised so when you are the one always asking what’s happening it can make me feel like the one driving things along. Be nice for me if he took more initiative sometimes. Boxing Day we will be visiting late DHs big and extended family. Mr V met them at a family birthday party a few weeks ago and despite me feeling like it could/would be a very strange dynamic, they were lovely and welcoming (as always) and he took it all in his stride.
Sorry for the brain dump. Have a lovely Sunday everyone 😀

@Naimee87 I'm so glad you have had this emphatic result in your favour - do you think the teacher will have an ounce of ability to reflect? I agree that he sounds as though he has it in for single parents and as I said, it wouldn't surprise me in CH, it is such a socially conservative country in many ways. How dare he be so accusatory and unsupportive of what you have done? New Year, new start, for you and DS... what a weight off your shoulders.

@SortingItOut sounds like a great night meeting Mr K's friends.

@Shayelle2009 ahhh we had a brilliant day out - the play was absolutely superb; totally recommend for anyone with teens upwards - incredible piece of theatre and my DC were spellbound. Bookended that with bubble tea, sushi lunch, and a bit of shopping around Covent Garden. My kids had such a good time and it was lovely seeing them so enthralled in the theatre... I really enjoy seeing them discover experiences like that and knowing it's blowing their mind a little bit.

@BelladiMamma re the Instagram question - at what point do you give out your social media accounts? I think I'm a lot less trusting and don't give out any of my RL social accounts for a long time, even if I've started seeing someone. In terms of messaging there rather than... WhatsApp (?) - maybe they're just on Insta more and so it's easier there once they've connected with you..?

I've had a weird algorithm type thing happen on OKC the past few days - despite my not having swiped on there for weeks/months, I've suddenly had an absolute flurry of matches, messages, etc from fairly decent blokes. So funny isn't it - you can have a period of swiping and not much happens, then suddenly for some random reason you're obviously put at the top of some sort of deck and it's all going haywire. Or maybe it's the universe trying to tell me to get back on there

I'm due to talk to Mr Mixtape today. Despite him calling and being lovely on Friday evening, and me suggesting chatting today as I was out all day yesterday, it only takes what is now 36 hours of no contact for me to start to feel odd and disconnected again. He said on Friday "I had a great weekend let's do it again" and volunteered apologies for not having been more in touch after a hectic week, so why do I feel so untethered after a while? It's as though the only 'style' of comms that soothes the anxiety is a constant dribble of soothing, even though in many ways I don't even want that. I like the fact we don't do morning check ins for the sake of it etc, and that we're much more about phone/video/face to face than text. But at the same time my anxiety screams for more validation. @SortingItOut as you say it's about filling up the rest of my life and that is something I realise I need to regularly work on and not just pay lip-service to. I think I've spent so long thinking 'of course I have a full life! I'm a single mum to DC who works f/t in a demanding job!"... but - that is not enough. First session with therapist tomorrow, will be good.

@Naimee87 love the sound of your black courdroy dress with chunky boots. I have a £50 voucher from work which I’m planning to put towards some new chunky boots once the sales start.

Morning everyone, lovely reading through the thread. So, I met Mr L's friends last night. They were lovely and he seems to be very well loved by them, some of whom hes known for over 30yrs. When they were leaving, most of them left with the comments of 'nice to meet you, you hes a good man' and it just felt really geniune and lovely.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I think you're getting in far too deep with Mr Mixtape, you need to learn to self soothe and not brain dump on him.

I also think you keep moving the bar, firstly he didn't say enough how great the weekend was (even though he told you on Sunday it was great) so you brought it up and he told you, again, how great it was and satisfied that need.

Now you're not satisfied about the amount of contact even though you agreed to talk today and you want low level constant contact, what if he gives you that? Next week you'll likely move it to medium level...the poor man can't win.

I know all our needs are valid and we should express our needs but you're moving the posts constantly.

This isn't meant to be a criticism, if I don't see Mr K for a few days I get to the 'meh' stage and don't care if I see him again. I never tell him this because life gets in the way and we meet as much as possible and vocalising this won't change this.
We do morning/night texts and its a nice check in but it doesn't change my 'meh' feeling.

What are you going to do to fill your life so you are not relying on Mr Mixtape to be your life?
Have you booked your trip away for between Xmas/New year?

@SortingItOut don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware of the irrationality of my thoughts - I'm getting them out on here in order to not put them on him! I think it's an anxious vs avoidant thing

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@backonthedatingtrain

My experience with bumble:

• I found quite a lot of guys match but don't respond, so please don't take it personally if you have 10 matches and 8 don't reply and 1 fizzles out and 1 is a weirdo!

It's like most dating apps, you have to do a lot of sifting/dead ends. It's not a reflection of how attractive you are.

• Women have to send the first message. I wouldn't overthink this, I just send something simple like "hi nice to meet you, how are you today X?". Or even an emoticon or a gif.

I kind of work on the principle that if someone is attracted to my photos they'll reply, and I shouldn't need to "have to chat them up" initially. Also of course after you've initiated contact it's not just down to you to "carry the chat"!

• It's marketed as "women message first and women safety first" but of course it doesn't cut out the creeps and sex guys and weirdos so just be aware and usual screening etc

• It's the "same old faces" to a certain extent - as in if you're on Tinder you'll see the same guys there too, and might be good to have breaks regularly as with all online dating.[/quote]

This is pretty much how using OLD as a man works as well

I found quite a lot of (Women) match but don't respond, so please don't take it personally if you have 10 matches and 8 don't reply and 1 fizzles out and 1 is a weirdo!

(broken keyboard on my laptop!! so no punctuation really) For some reason the teacher had managed to convince himself that my DS was not being looked after properly! So i don't think he see's what he did as wrong at all! He saw concerns and acted upon them but without taking into consideration the bigger picture and actually taking the time to get to know me properly! Anway its's over i suppose! @ibelieveinmirrorballs i feel a bit the same as you with levels of contact and simply not being satisfied with 'in theory what i've asked for'! I don't want to be needy and like @SortingItOut said he shouldn't be my life he should want to contact me not contact me because i want him to! It's a really nice feeling then! But ultimately do what feels right for you! Ask the questions that go round and round in your head because they won't go away and only by being yourself will you know if the relationship has any legs! I think if I make it to this February meet-up (not looking likely given COVID chaos) i'd have the very perfect outfit! I think ChunkyBoots should be 'dress-code' that goes for you too fabulousmrfifty BikerBoots haha no heel necessary!

@Naimee87
I was thinking biker boots, snakeskin cod piece and cowboy hat 🤠 a la Magic Mike, wadda think ?
I think that would be a killer look on a fat old bloke with a dodgy knee

Ahh some really nice posts about meeting irons' friends - how lovely! ☺️

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Thank you for starting up the new thread, it's taken me until page 4 to catch up and have time to post.

@Naimee87
Swapping your son's school will be stressful in the new year but I'm sure he will be fine; kids quickly make new friends. I swapped DD1 & 2 schools when they were aged 10 and 6, this was totally down to the original school mishandling of a medical situation with DD1 and the utter lack of care which followed. DD1 took to the new school really quickly, DD2 took a few weeks to settle but she was much younger. It's not going to be easy for you, but you will get there, and it sounds like you've got everything in place and keeping in touch with his old school friends will help loads.

I'm super confused with Ms YM1 but I've decided just go with it as it’s Christmas. Six weeks ago, she told me no Christmas presents to one another, which I was a little taken aback with as I had already made a start on her presents, so I thought I'll ignore her and carry on. Then 4 weeks ago we see one another, and we got talking about the light show at Blenheim Palace and I said I nearly booked it last year, but I ended up booking the ice rink at Warwick Castle, we all went with the kids and had a lovely time. So, I said about Blenheim this year and taking the kids again and she said no, let us to go on our own, I’ll buy the tickets and it can be your Christmas present. So, I thought OK I've got no problem with that.

Then this morning Ms YM1 texts first thing asking if I was going to be in and can I drop by enroute to work, I've got something for you. She turns up with a pack of presents for me. I was prepared, I had everything wrapped for her, but nothing was said regarding no presents. Now I don't know whether it's me, or it's Ms YM1 testing me saying one thing and doing the other, or plain forgetfulness.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings, I hope everybody is OK and keeping well, it's the last Sunday before the big ho ho ho, the kids have broken up, it's all getting rather festive

Oh and before I forget @Shayelle2009 you mentioned a few posts back about knitted skirts and I thought knitted skirts what are you talking about, anyway Christmas shopping yesterday afternoon knitted skirts are a thing, there was quite a few ladies wearing them out and about. This list is such an education !

Oooooh did you say fat old bloke this my type!!! Well i'm not quite of an age where i want to deal with the demise of essential limb function! So good luck with the knee! Although you seem very capable of a good straddle these days... !!! Love the sound of the boots and cowboy hat, i'm hoping by some miracle i get over to meet everyone 🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻🍀

@StartingAgain6369 thanks a lot for your post. The ridiculous thing is that in the summer he'd have transferred out if this school/class anyway and with his classmates. So why they've kicked up a fuss now is baffling! But it's unbearable with this teacher so the change is really very welcome! Pleased to hear your DD's were happy with the changes that you made for them. Sometimes short lived frustration/upset is worth it for long-term happiness in the right environment! Well that's my hope!!! 🤞🏻🤩 How's the sacred yorkie bar? Still in pride of place on a satin cushion in a display case in your living room? 😂

@Naimee87
I wanted to do the swap at the end of the Christmas term like yourself but unfortunately I had to give the school a terms notice so I swapped at Easter. Luckily Easter that year was early and it was a really short term but it was a tough few weeks at the old school.

Sacred Yorkie bar is in pride and place, it teases me every time I come into the kitchen, in a moment of weakness I can't promise to be a good boy, but I can assure you it will be replaced and I will be prepared to hand it over to you in February

Glad you've got a resolution on your son's school @Naimee87. Cannot believe the dossier that that absolute tool of a teacher had compiled! You must demand to see it - I feel like the man is clearly unhinged. Hopefully things will work out well in the new year.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs sounds like you had a gorgeous day! I agree re: genuinely filling up life, it's amazing the difference in neediness I feel for male attention during a quiet week as opposed to a busy one!
@StartingAgain6369 hmm that's a bit of a weird one, good thing you had some gifts to give her. Do you think it was a test?
@FabulousMrFifty hearing about your planned outfit, don't know whether I'm relieved or disappointed that I wont make the meetup 🤭

Sitting in the kitchen putting off giving scruffy DDog a bath, listening to the James Acaster Off Menu podcast and awaiting DS dragging himself up to celebrate his 19th birthday...he was out til the wee hours so God knows what time he'll stir 😅 had some more very interesting texts from MrTeacher this morning so am v excited about seeing him tomorrow 😍 have decided just to keep seeing him and enjoy the fact we have amazing chemistry in the bedroom for now. I'm conscious that we're probably incompatible in the long run but it's so nice to have a guaranteed great shag on tap! (Hoping he feels the same but since he never gives anything away its kind of his problem if he feels anything more)

@StartingAgain6369 I'm sure I've asked this before but what ended things in the first place with Miss YM1? On first glance it sounds like she's taking baby steps with you without committing to anything because perhaps its all a bit daunting? The fact that you are doing family stuff together says it's more than just buddies. How do you feel? I think if you want to make a go of things, you need to ask her outright whether there are any feelings there. A romantic Christmas period is a good time for this

@SortingItOut I'm really glad you managed to meet some of Mr Ks friends. Has it cemented things a bit more in your eyes? You always give great, insightful advice but I always get the impression you never want to go all in with Mr K for fear of getting hurt. I'm glad he's stepping up more.

@MizK have fun with Mr Teacher! Great things can grow from good chemistry in the bedroom!

@StartingAgain6369 this does sound a confusing situation but if she is anything like me she could have forgotten? It sounds like she wants you to be a part of her life but she isn't sure how she feels? Could she be protecting her feelings? I'm not sure of the background so perhaps this has all been talked about. Have you tried backing off completely does she then come running? I'll absolutely forgive you should you need a chocolate fix one morning/afternoon/evening! I'm so hoping this thread meet-up is possible for me!

Also not to hog the thread but i'm really feeling guilty about my neighbour. He was clear he had feelings for me a while ago and i had thought i was clear about magnet-man being on the scene. I don't fancy my neighbour at all. But we have an amazing time together, we laugh so much have similar views on things and he's been a massive support for me with all the school shit. We went on a walk with my dog this afternoon and he said he's prepared to wait to see if things develop 'with us' but i know they won't yet i'm too cowardly to tell him to his face. I also really don't want to lose him! He deserves someone who really loves him, he's 100% one of the good ones (which i never seem to be into) so should i back off? or just grow up and have the conversation with him? I'm so bad at confrontation.

@MizK i hope your son's up for his birthday! Can't imagine having a 19yr old! Then again 12's come round mighty fast.. where is time running off to 🤩 i like your approach with MrTeacher. It's so hard not to get stuck in your head and miss all the fun/shenanigans you can have being in the now

@MizK
You don’t want to see it, trust me.

I’m feeling the same about Ms W as you do with mr Teacher, the sex is great, but I don’t really see it going anywhere ( in fact not heard from her at all this week so maybe over already), ho hum, I think thats probably me done with dating now

[quote StartingAgain6369]@WeWantTheFinestWines
Thank you for starting up the new thread, it's taken me until page 4 to catch up and have time to post.

@Naimee87
Swapping your son's school will be stressful in the new year but I'm sure he will be fine; kids quickly make new friends. I swapped DD1 & 2 schools when they were aged 10 and 6, this was totally down to the original school mishandling of a medical situation with DD1 and the utter lack of care which followed. DD1 took to the new school really quickly, DD2 took a few weeks to settle but she was much younger. It's not going to be easy for you, but you will get there, and it sounds like you've got everything in place and keeping in touch with his old school friends will help loads.

I'm super confused with Ms YM1 but I've decided just go with it as it’s Christmas. Six weeks ago, she told me no Christmas presents to one another, which I was a little taken aback with as I had already made a start on her presents, so I thought I'll ignore her and carry on. Then 4 weeks ago we see one another, and we got talking about the light show at Blenheim Palace and I said I nearly booked it last year, but I ended up booking the ice rink at Warwick Castle, we all went with the kids and had a lovely time. So, I said about Blenheim this year and taking the kids again and she said no, let us to go on our own, I’ll buy the tickets and it can be your Christmas present. So, I thought OK I've got no problem with that.

Then this morning Ms YM1 texts first thing asking if I was going to be in and can I drop by enroute to work, I've got something for you. She turns up with a pack of presents for me. I was prepared, I had everything wrapped for her, but nothing was said regarding no presents. Now I don't know whether it's me, or it's Ms YM1 testing me saying one thing and doing the other, or plain forgetfulness.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings, I hope everybody is OK and keeping well, it's the last Sunday before the big ho ho ho, the kids have broken up, it's all getting rather festive

Oh and before I forget @Shayelle2009 you mentioned a few posts back about knitted skirts and I thought knitted skirts what are you talking about, anyway Christmas shopping yesterday afternoon knitted skirts are a thing, there was quite a few ladies wearing them out and about. This list is such an education ![/quote]
The "no presents, but presents" thing does sound a bit confusing. Well done you for being prepped anyway. I don't like it when I have to second-guess what people are saying and whether they really mean it. Unless she's just a bit scatty/forgetful?

Well I cracked already and did some swiping on the apps. Got one nice response so far - will see where this goes!

I'm not in a place to reply individually to people (though @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good luck with the new meds! The early days can be tough but if they fit you it will be worth it!).

My ex came out of the woodwork yesterday. Very bad news 🙄 So had to do a 101 call today and will need to talk to my solicitor tomorrow.

Relying on friends who know the situation to talk it through though did give MrT a heads up that stuff was in play. He said he'd follow my lead and be a background nobody or lean in as I needed. I'm thoroughly pissed off honestly for a number of reasons.

He did video call again last night to check I was OK. And did his beard combing thing as it's very soothing 😂😂 Was a shortish call and I promise I was guarded. The stuff we've talked about so far has been high level figuring out how each other ticks, and this thing is far too much for right now.

Quick touch base today and we're all good for tomorrow when he's offered hugs. Other stuff might be off the cards as with the ex stuff it's thrown me out, again absolutely pissed off as that side of thing should be no problem etc (and I'd been looking forward to it!!) and I don't like the fact my issues impact what should be fun and breezy. Ex hasn't done this in a year and a half whhhhy now?!

Part of me wants to f the whole thing off as I'm fine on my own. But he's here now and seems to be willing to be patient.

It's one thing to talk through how I tick as a person and find out how someone else ticks as a person and very different IMO letting people in on current stuff and letting them support me. I don't know quite where to put the boundaries up. Currently working with "I'll tell you as much as you need to know to understand why I might be a bit off, but I have my support network / knowing on how to deal with it so don't get too involved right now".

Very much dislike ex right now.

@InABetterPlaceNow

I'm not in a place to reply individually to people (though *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* good luck with the new meds! The early days can be tough but if they fit you it will be worth it!).

My ex came out of the woodwork yesterday. Very bad news 🙄 So had to do a 101 call today and will need to talk to my solicitor tomorrow.

Relying on friends who know the situation to talk it through though did give MrT a heads up that stuff was in play. He said he'd follow my lead and be a background nobody or lean in as I needed. I'm thoroughly pissed off honestly for a number of reasons.

He did video call again last night to check I was OK. And did his beard combing thing as it's very soothing 😂😂 Was a shortish call and I promise I was guarded. The stuff we've talked about so far has been high level figuring out how each other ticks, and this thing is far too much for right now.

Quick touch base today and we're all good for tomorrow when he's offered hugs. Other stuff might be off the cards as with the ex stuff it's thrown me out, again absolutely pissed off as that side of thing should be no problem etc (and I'd been looking forward to it!!) and I don't like the fact my issues impact what should be fun and breezy. Ex hasn't done this in a year and a half whhhhy now?!

Part of me wants to f the whole thing off as I'm fine on my own. But he's here now and seems to be willing to be patient.

It's one thing to talk through how I tick as a person and find out how someone else ticks as a person and very different IMO letting people in on current stuff and letting them support me. I don't know quite where to put the boundaries up. Currently working with "I'll tell you as much as you need to know to understand why I might be a bit off, but I have my support network / knowing on how to deal with it so don't get too involved right now".

Very much dislike ex right now.

@InABetterPlaceNow thanks for that. I really appreciate it ❤️😘

@Eesha You are right that I am not 100% in my relationship with Mr K and I'm not sure I'll ever be 100% in any relationship (even with counselling).
This weekend is my predicted 'dump Mr K' mood and its happened, I actually had a few moments in the week but its hit today.
It doesn't help that we've had a 'discussion ' via text over something which happened on Fri night which annoyed me and his first reaction was to attack rather than acknowledge how I'm feeling.
We promised we would have better communication in our relationship (because we didn't in our previous ones) but its a struggle for both of us in different ways.

I'm sitting on my hands and will discuss with my Counsellor tomorrow.

@InABetterPlaceNow Sorry your ex has popped up, I think what you've told Mr T so far is enough.
You don't need to go into detail, he doesn't need to know you're vulnerable at this stage.
Personally I'm all for keeping psycho ex's away from new partners because no one needs the drama (I know its not always possible, my ex husband slashed a tyre on Mr K's vehicle after I'd known him 5 months😱, there's no hiding that kind of crazy).

Hi everyone, struggling to keep up with the thread ... I clearly need to sort my priorities out 🎅🏻🤣🎄

@SortingItOut did you track it to your cycle or to the last time you saw him? It's so interesting. I wonder how I'll cope with being in a Relationship again as these feelings sound very familiar. I just can't be arsed with all the trappings of a relationship sometimes

@PurpleStripyScarf hows things? Sounding good 😊 from here?

@Naimee87 right this is a really tricky one because actually I'd love you to have a good guy in your life that's close at hand and understands what you've been through recently. I kind of want the happy ending for you with the neighbour 😊 but obviously I don't know the guy and I know that you're smitten with the 🧲 so ... it may just be that timing isn't right. Can you explain it to the Nachbar that timing isn't right and also you are already liebe machen mit the magnet however you really value his friendship and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt him?

@Eesha how has your Fanny not staged a major protest and demanded to be marched off to see MrM as her Christmas present? 🤣

Things are progressing nicely with MrDublin. He's very smitten and I am enjoying the feeling of being courted and chatted up and told endless hilarious anecdotes in a drop dead sexy accent. Only slight problem is that I am not here for a full on relationship either and I'm worried I'm going to hurt him. But I'm trying to be as honest as possible. With the new Covid wave I'm not going to multi date even though all my other irons are still in the background. MrA and I were even talking about going away in January ... but MrDublin is not giving me the multi date vibes. I think we need to have a proper conversation when we next see each other. He's definitely the one I'd go exclusive with but I need him to know that when things open up again I might continue to see the other guys .... he's also a single parent to his girls so there is a time constraint too, for both of us. Let's see ...

Sorry more threaders I've missed out

@StartingAgain6369 hmmm. This sounds like her making you a special friend that could go romantic or just very close. I have a male BFF like this and luckily we dealt with the 'are we going to have sex' aspect of our relationship early on (although we've know each other since we were 9/10 so slightly different!!). Maybe she'll reconsider or maybe you're her fallback? Hard without having another conversation with her

@FabulousMrFifty was MsWales with family this weekend? Or another reason not to be in touch? Hope you're ok