Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Was I being too sensitive the other night re bf

159 replies

Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:28

I called into the restaurant he works at for a bite to eat, I had told him a couple of times I'd be in that night

When I got there he seemed happy to see me but said 'Oh I had forgotten all about it really."

They were pretty quiet, he was working with 2 other staff members, one is a woman who I admit I feel uneasy about but that's a long backstory that I won't go into.

The 3rd person was on a break so it was just them 2.
I felt like he wasn't talking to me that much and seemed a bit uncomfortable for some reason. She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin, though I may be wrong.

I didn't want to distract him from work but they were very quiet and just kinda stood around. At one point I saw that they were stood really close together when talking and I saw he pulled a funny face at her and then looked at me.

In the end I just said I was tired and left, politely. He said sorry he couldn't talk much, yet he was able to talk to her.

I probably was being overly sensitive but just felt a bit off, I got home and when he got in he told me it had been great to see me and that I had seemed off, I told him I hadn't wanted to distract him or get him in trouble just that he'd seemed uncomfortable and he denied it.

Sometimes i can take things the wrong way and if probably doesn't help with that woman being there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:29

I do go into his workplace fairly often so I don't think I caught him off guard or anything

OP posts:
BornIn78 · 16/12/2021 09:32

I think it’s really weird to go into your boyfriends workplace and expect him to treat you as anything more than just another customer.

He’s working, what did you want him to do, pull up a chair and join you?

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:32

Yes maybe you're right, but they were very quiet with nothing to do and there are various regulars that come in who the staff have long conversations with

OP posts:
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:34

I felt a bit awkward that I may be getting him into trouble but there are always customers at the bar having a chat

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 09:34

You have went into his workplace and are annoyed that he didn’t stop working to talk to you? One member of staff was already on a break, he can’t take one too.

Don’t go into his workplace when he is working and there will be no issue.

hotmeatymilk · 16/12/2021 09:35

What kind of restaurant and vibe is it? Were you there alone? I can picture neighbourhood restaurants I know where it would be very normal to come in and eat alone, chat to staff, etc.

Do you worry generally about him and other women and are projecting? I think we need the backstory about the woman and why you feel uneasy.

Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 09:35

It’s part of his job to talk to customers, but not sit and chat to your girlfriend.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:35

As I said the staff always talk to the customers especially when it's quiet, and in this instance it was. I didn't expect him to take a break but I was sitting right next to him, and it was more just I felt off about him and this colleague

OP posts:
Corbally · 16/12/2021 09:35

@BornIn78

I think it’s really weird to go into your boyfriends workplace and expect him to treat you as anything more than just another customer.

He’s working, what did you want him to do, pull up a chair and join you?

This, really. People are on work mode at work, and even in a 'quiet' restaurant situation like this one, no one really wants to make it obvious they don't have enough to do by sitting down with someone they knew who's come in.

Why do you go to this restaurant solo so often? Is it only when he's working that you do this?

santasmuma · 16/12/2021 09:36

Really weird of you to go there and even weirder to expect the man's attention. He was working.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:36

Yes I go in and see him sometimes, either alone or with friends etc as we both work long hours so it's just a way of seeing him plus it's a nice restaurant

OP posts:
ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 16/12/2021 09:37

That's really weird, you sound stalkerish.

I would feel so uncomfortable if my partner came into my place and just sat to eat and stare.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:37

Can't believe people are saying it's 'weird' to go to a restaurant your partner works at.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 16/12/2021 09:37

Stop dropping into his workplace and then see how things go.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:38

Ok these replies are just pathetic, I'm a stalker now . All the regulars must be stalkers too, especially those that go in every day. How dare I go in to eat and see him

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 09:38

I don’t think it’s weird to go in but I think it’s weird that you expect to spend time with your boyfriend when he is at work.

Aprilx · 16/12/2021 09:38

@Maddymorphosis

Can't believe people are saying it's 'weird' to go to a restaurant your partner works at.
If you consider it a workplace like any other, would you think that was weird? If he kept dropping into your office, or hospital or school or wherever it is you work, I am sure you would consider it weird. This is the same.
santasmuma · 16/12/2021 09:39

@Maddymorphosis

Can't believe people are saying it's 'weird' to go to a restaurant your partner works at.

Why can't you believe it? You went there and literally analysed the poor guys behaviour - that is weird.

hotmeatymilk · 16/12/2021 09:39

Again, I think if you describe the kind of restaurant and the backstory more clearly, you’ll get different replies! People are possibly picturing somewhere formal? And it sounds like more of a neighbourhood joint.

santasmuma · 16/12/2021 09:39

@Maddymorphosis

Ok these replies are just pathetic, I'm a stalker now . All the regulars must be stalkers too, especially those that go in every day. How dare I go in to eat and see him

Yes we are the pathetic ones Hmm

BillMasen · 16/12/2021 09:40

Classic case of

Am I unreasonable?
Yes
No I’m not!

DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 16/12/2021 09:40

You say it's something you do fairly often, but what do you get out of going?

Branleuse · 16/12/2021 09:41

How new is the boyfriend?
Honestly if its a new boyfriend and you feel something was a bit off, then maybe it was. Id bear it in mind that you felt vibes at this time. Im loathe to suggest women are imagining these sort of off vibes, as i think its more of a problem that women ignore their instincts.
Id see how things felt with him over next few weeks though

Corbally · 16/12/2021 09:41

@Maddymorphosis

Ok these replies are just pathetic, I'm a stalker now . All the regulars must be stalkers too, especially those that go in every day. How dare I go in to eat and see him
Well, presumably the regulars don't spend their time in there resenting the fact that your boyfriend isn't paying them more attention, and analysing his body language around his colleague?

There's nothing at all odd about regularly going to a restaurant, but regularly going to your boyfriend's workplace to see him during working hours is quite strange.

MartyHart · 16/12/2021 09:41

What's the problem with him having a female colleague?