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Original poster

Was I being too sensitive the other night re bf

159 replies

Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:28

I called into the restaurant he works at for a bite to eat, I had told him a couple of times I'd be in that night

When I got there he seemed happy to see me but said 'Oh I had forgotten all about it really."

They were pretty quiet, he was working with 2 other staff members, one is a woman who I admit I feel uneasy about but that's a long backstory that I won't go into.

The 3rd person was on a break so it was just them 2.
I felt like he wasn't talking to me that much and seemed a bit uncomfortable for some reason. She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin, though I may be wrong.

I didn't want to distract him from work but they were very quiet and just kinda stood around. At one point I saw that they were stood really close together when talking and I saw he pulled a funny face at her and then looked at me.

In the end I just said I was tired and left, politely. He said sorry he couldn't talk much, yet he was able to talk to her.

I probably was being overly sensitive but just felt a bit off, I got home and when he got in he told me it had been great to see me and that I had seemed off, I told him I hadn't wanted to distract him or get him in trouble just that he'd seemed uncomfortable and he denied it.

Sometimes i can take things the wrong way and if probably doesn't help with that woman being there.

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 16/12/2021 11:07

I think it's a bit weird to go hang out in your boyfriends work. I've been with DP for years and the o ly time I've gone to his work was to rob his keys ( locked mine in the house) and was only there for like 30 seconds. I wouldn't go hang out at his work and would be weirded out if he came and hung out at mine.

purplecorkheart · 16/12/2021 11:10

I think you might be overthinking it a bit to be honest. It is a bit different chatting to a regular than chatting with your partner while at work and on company time. You are being paid to make the customer feel welcome and part of that is chatting to them. Sitting chatting with your girlfriend on company time could come across as unprofessional to both boss, fellow staff and customers.

One of my friends became manager in a restaurant that I often visit (long before she started there). She will be polite and take my order etc but we do not really chat even if it is quiet. I don't take any offence.

SheWoreYellow · 16/12/2021 11:13

That does seem a bit odd of him if you go in fairly often and he was funny with you this one time.

I agree with the posters who have said you’re getting a hard time. I think some people can’t imagine the situation.

But on that note, only you can really judge if he was being weird or not.

WonderfulYou · 16/12/2021 11:23

I think it’s very unprofessional to spend time chatting to a partner or friends when you’re supposed to be at work.
Chatting to other customers is a completely different scenario.

It sounds like you’re over thinking it more as there was just the two of them and you’re uneasy/jealous of her but he acted completely normal and professional.

WonderfulYou · 16/12/2021 11:24

If he’s acted differently this time then it could be because someone said something saying it was unprofessional or because the third person was on their break so he didn’t have as much time to spend on just you.

Apiddleawiddle · 16/12/2021 11:26

@santasmuma they were pathetic, making out she was a stalker and allsorts.

santasmuma · 16/12/2021 11:28

[quote Apiddleawiddle]@santasmuma they were pathetic, making out she was a stalker and allsorts.[/quote]

One person said that. Just the one.

IntermittentParps · 16/12/2021 11:29

One comment about stalking, perhaps, but there's a lot of the 'and allsorts'.

ivykaty44 · 16/12/2021 11:30

its so awkward to go to someones workplace, they are working

user478843898 · 16/12/2021 11:30

OP people are massively projecting in their responses to you and overreacting. Does he act the same every time you go in? Or this was a one off?

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 11:35

Yeah there are a large number of people that think it's the most bizarre thing ever to go into a pub/restaurant/bar where somebody you know works. So apparently once someone you know starts there you are never to set foot in that place again. Noted

OP posts:
Ariann · 16/12/2021 11:35

@Maddymorphosis

Yes maybe you're right, but they were very quiet with nothing to do and there are various regulars that come in who the staff have long conversations with
It's nothing to do with it being "very Quiet" or regulars who the staff talk to - it is frankly creepy and stalking to turn up alone at your BF's work place, watch him work and be put out if he doesn't react how you want. He is being paid to be there and do a job! I would be very uncomfortable if a BF came into my work place because they had nothing better to do with their time. It's really off.
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 11:36

Ok, you're one of the people in my aforementioned point, that's fine, you have your opinion that it's "creepy" to go into a restaurant where someone you know works

OP posts:
PinkWednesdays · 16/12/2021 11:43

Hmm, I’m with the majority. He was at work, not there to sit and chat with you. YABU

WonderfulYou · 16/12/2021 11:44

I wouldn’t make a habit out of going into my partners workplace but I don’t think it’s ‘creepy’ especially as he invited you however what is coming across as a bit much is the fact you knew what he was doing the entire time, so you must have been watching him quite a lot.

Maybe this is why he didn’t make as much effort as normal.

RantyAunty · 16/12/2021 11:47

How long have you been together?

Apiddleawiddle · 16/12/2021 11:48

@santasmuma just one said stalkerish, what about the other things op has been accused of? That it's a creepy thing to do? Several have said that. Inappropriate. Weird. You will find it's been more than one that has created a negative out of going to a partners job when it's in a public facing role like a bar or restaurant.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 11:53

I guess I better tell my Mum that she was being incredibly creepy and stalkery by coming to see me at work as a teenager. My ex used to work at a supermarket, and guess what I went in sometimes when he was there because I'm not going to boycott a supermarket due to him working there.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 11:53

@Maddymorphosis

Ok, you're one of the people in my aforementioned point, that's fine, you have your opinion that it's "creepy" to go into a restaurant where someone you know works
It's not creepy to go into a restaurant where someone you know works. It just sounds like you went in to spy on him because you don't like this girl. That's why you're getting the responses you are.

What's the backstory and how long have you been together?

If her ex cheated on her with you 6 months ago I can understand you being wary of her.

If she was his first kiss when they were 11, not so much.

Ticksallboxes · 16/12/2021 11:55

What sort of place is it - do you always sit at the bar which your BF stands behind? If so, then that's pretty normal. I worked in pubs and restaurants with coffee/drinks areas for years and friends and partners often popped in.

I also think if your BF is usually chatty when you come in, but wasn't tonight and then said it had been great to see you, YANBU to feel a bit insecure about it!

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 11:56

I have been going in for almost the year he's worked there. It's really not to 'spy'.
They are sometimes there 6 days a week so I can't really go when they are not in

Some posters though are still pushing the fact that it's creepy to so much as set foot in a public establishment where someone you know works

It's not as if I'm turning up at an office or a school

OP posts:
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 11:58

We have been together a couple of years, I don't want to go into it as it's too long but there was just weird behaviour from her over text and she mentioned my name once in a way I didn't like.

I've never had a conversation with her apart from saying hello, I'm not interested in her but i just felt a bit weird with that text stuff, though over time I'll stop caring.

OP posts:
santasmuma · 16/12/2021 11:58

[quote Apiddleawiddle]@santasmuma just one said stalkerish, what about the other things op has been accused of? That it's a creepy thing to do? Several have said that. Inappropriate. Weird. You will find it's been more than one that has created a negative out of going to a partners job when it's in a public facing role like a bar or restaurant.[/quote]

I was talking specifically about the posts made before the OP called the replies pathetic - I'm not sure if that has been missed but I was making the point that OP was saying people are rude etc but OP in fact started calling replies pathetic because they didn't go her way. Saying it's weird isn't wrong. Whether you or I think it's weird or not, it's an opinion on the situation - the stalkerish thing was obviously out of order but I don't think finding it weird is worthy of the pathetic comment. And I don't think you can play the 'poor me' mumsnet is horrible card when you are throwing insults first.

XmasSadface · 16/12/2021 11:59

If you dont want to get into it you are wasting our time maddy. We are here for the story

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 12:00

As I said I'm not looking for 'proof' of anything at all, I trust him and if he's going to do it it's not going to be in front of me in a public place, it was just the vibe I got last night but I couldn't particularly give a stuff if she is there at the time when I go in or not I just try and ignore her

OP posts: