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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Was I being too sensitive the other night re bf

159 replies

Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:28

I called into the restaurant he works at for a bite to eat, I had told him a couple of times I'd be in that night

When I got there he seemed happy to see me but said 'Oh I had forgotten all about it really."

They were pretty quiet, he was working with 2 other staff members, one is a woman who I admit I feel uneasy about but that's a long backstory that I won't go into.

The 3rd person was on a break so it was just them 2.
I felt like he wasn't talking to me that much and seemed a bit uncomfortable for some reason. She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin, though I may be wrong.

I didn't want to distract him from work but they were very quiet and just kinda stood around. At one point I saw that they were stood really close together when talking and I saw he pulled a funny face at her and then looked at me.

In the end I just said I was tired and left, politely. He said sorry he couldn't talk much, yet he was able to talk to her.

I probably was being overly sensitive but just felt a bit off, I got home and when he got in he told me it had been great to see me and that I had seemed off, I told him I hadn't wanted to distract him or get him in trouble just that he'd seemed uncomfortable and he denied it.

Sometimes i can take things the wrong way and if probably doesn't help with that woman being there.

OP posts:
GaiusHelenMohiam · 16/12/2021 10:06

You people are mad.

I run a busy pub/restaurant. My dh, friends, family often pop in if they’re in town. All my team have friends/partners who come in.

All totally normal in my sector.

OP your BF sounds horrible. This is such a typical MN pile on.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2021 10:06

She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin, though I may be wrong.

You're not wrong.

Of course she gave you a fake grin, she was in work mode and you were a customer!

You really shouldn't visit him at work again after this if you're going to take this attitude.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:07

Also I don't 'keep' going in, it's every couple of weeks. There's no rule that I am not allowed to go there just because he works there that's just ridiculous. I used to go there before he ever worked there

OP posts:
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:07

And guess what when I worked in a restaurant as a teenager my family and friends came in to see me. I didn't think they were crazy weird stalkers!

OP posts:
Tee20x · 16/12/2021 10:07

He was talking to his colleague at work...he can't just be hovering around your table chatting because they're seemingly quiet.

God, when I worked in retail and there were no customers I was told to make myself look busy organising stuff - not standing chatting to any friends who may have come in.

Flowers500 · 16/12/2021 10:08

There’s nothing inherently wrong about sometimes going to the restaurant where your BF works—eg if you get a discount so pop in for a quick meal, or if you take some friends there and wave at him.

But this sounds more like you are paranoid hes cheating and you’re going into his workplace to monitor him, which is not ok. Or you’re going there so he wasn’t speak to his colleague, he’ll speak to you again—which he can’t because he’s working. This is not going to make him more keen on you, it will drive him away. His colleague was probably freaked out by you looking at them as you sit alone, I would have been! Like if you were on your phone and just eating, that’s one thing…

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:08

Some really bizarre replies from people who cannot fathom that someone might see things differently to them, I said I over thought it, that's it

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 10:09

@GaiusHelenMohiam I worked in pubs in my younger days, and I had family pop in but I wouldn’t have sat with them, my boss wouldn’t have been happy if I had done that and I certainly wouldn’t have been impressed if my partner gave me a hard time like the OP is doing.

That’s great you don’t mind but as a customer if I walk in somewhere and it’s obvious that a staff member is with a friend I feel awkward that I’m interrupting, rightly or wrongly. It doesn’t look great to the customer.

girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 10:09

@Maddymorphosis

And guess what when I worked in a restaurant as a teenager my family and friends came in to see me. I didn't think they were crazy weird stalkers!
But this is clearly a different environment if you were worried you might be getting him into trouble
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:09

I was sat reading my phone and my book, I wasn't sat staring at them but don't think it's worth explaining to some people on here

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 10:10

@Maddymorphosis There doesn’t need to be a rule, it’s just common sense. He’s at work, let him work in peace.

Flowers500 · 16/12/2021 10:10

What’s the backstory? It sounds like it’s 80% of the story

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:10

I never expected him to sit with me and I didn't give him a hard time at all

OP posts:
Junac · 16/12/2021 10:10

Maybe he was off, maybe he wasn’t

However it IS weird for you to be going to his workplace like this. One thing to go occasionally with a friend for discount etc, another to go alone and be mooning at him.

I love my DH very much but I wouldn’t want him at my workplace! I’m in a different mode at work compared to home.

Having worked in hospitality before often there is a sense of camaraderie and banter between staff and I imagine someone’s girlfriend dropping in so regularly would mean they had the piss taken out of them!

Flowers500 · 16/12/2021 10:11

@Maddymorphosis

I was sat reading my phone and my book, I wasn't sat staring at them but don't think it's worth explaining to some people on here
Ok that’s fine, in which case you’re just overthinking things
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:11

He was chatting to another man sitting right next to me whilst at work

OP posts:
TooWicked · 16/12/2021 10:11

@ShirleyPhallus

I think you’re right actually OP, sounds odd

I regularly drop in to see my boyfriend at work, he’s a surgeon, when he can’t talk in the middle of an operation I get annoyed too

GrinGrinGrin
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:12

I have been in there previously with family and friends, I still don't think it's so bizarre to go alone despite what people here are so desperate to make me believe

OP posts:
santasmuma · 16/12/2021 10:12

Also I don't 'keep' going in, it's every couple of weeks.

You do 'keep' going in. Every couple of weeks is excessive.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:12

The surgeon story is clearly pointless and totally irrelevant

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 10:12

@Maddymorphosis

He was chatting to another man sitting right next to me whilst at work
I thought they were just stood around and he was just chatting to her?
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:13

Ok it's excessive, I'll change it to every year

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 10:13

How long have you been together?

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:14

I just think there are some very very odd views on this site in general and they don't reflect reality at all. Some replies here are measured and totally correct, I was overthinking it and I agree

Some are just snippy, rude and nasty but they're probably the same on many threads

OP posts:
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:14

You're actually made me feel embarrassed and stupid so if that's what you set out to do congratulations

OP posts: