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Original poster

Was I being too sensitive the other night re bf

159 replies

Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:28

I called into the restaurant he works at for a bite to eat, I had told him a couple of times I'd be in that night

When I got there he seemed happy to see me but said 'Oh I had forgotten all about it really."

They were pretty quiet, he was working with 2 other staff members, one is a woman who I admit I feel uneasy about but that's a long backstory that I won't go into.

The 3rd person was on a break so it was just them 2.
I felt like he wasn't talking to me that much and seemed a bit uncomfortable for some reason. She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin, though I may be wrong.

I didn't want to distract him from work but they were very quiet and just kinda stood around. At one point I saw that they were stood really close together when talking and I saw he pulled a funny face at her and then looked at me.

In the end I just said I was tired and left, politely. He said sorry he couldn't talk much, yet he was able to talk to her.

I probably was being overly sensitive but just felt a bit off, I got home and when he got in he told me it had been great to see me and that I had seemed off, I told him I hadn't wanted to distract him or get him in trouble just that he'd seemed uncomfortable and he denied it.

Sometimes i can take things the wrong way and if probably doesn't help with that woman being there.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 16/12/2021 10:17

@GaiusHelenMohiam

You people are mad.

I run a busy pub/restaurant. My dh, friends, family often pop in if they’re in town. All my team have friends/partners who come in.

All totally normal in my sector.

OP your BF sounds horrible. This is such a typical MN pile on.

I agree with this. People are being really nasty. If he can stand about and chat to other regular customers he can be expected to treat you the same. The fact that he didn't DOES seem a bit odd.
Cuddlemuffin · 16/12/2021 10:18

May I ask if you are in the US or UK or somewhere else? From my limited experience in the US and France it's quite normal to pop in to bar/restaurant for drink and food where your partner works but doesn't seem that way in the UK. Maybe at a pub but otherwise I find people like to compartmentalise their lives a bit more here. Or perhaps it's a small village/town? X

CounsellorTroi · 16/12/2021 10:25

OP given your bf works in the hospitality sector I don’t think there is anything particularly strange about you popping in occasionally. It’s not the same as if he were working in a school, office or hospital.

Blackbird1234 · 16/12/2021 10:25

Jeez you're getting a hard time. My ex used to work in a restaurant and I'd go eat there alone on occasion to say hi, have a quick chat and eat some food. Now I have some friends who work in various different bars and I'll also pop in to say hi, have a chat and have a drink - my entire friend group does this and none of us have ever batted an eyelid. Another friend of mine has a girlfriend who works in a restaurant and he will often go in there for lunch and to see her. I really dont get why this is so weird?

The issue seems to be that you got bad vibes from seeing your boyfriend together with this woman, so I'd say have a chat with him and see where it goes. You're not wrong for having bad vibes, you cant control it, so tackle it and see where the conversation goes, then take it from there.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:27

Yes I agree but the replies on here don't Surprise me, I think some people just take pleasure in being completely rude to strangers online and try their best to bring them down, it's on many threads really especially the covid ones

OP posts:
Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:28

To the PP who asked I'm in the UK

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 10:29

Or maybe posters just understand that your boyfriend was being professional whilst at his employment?

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:29

That is true, but there's no need to go about it on here with such rudeness

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 16/12/2021 10:31

@Nicknacky

Or maybe posters just understand that your boyfriend was being professional whilst at his employment?
Not really that professional, if he'd often chat to lone customers but didn't chat to this one and instead stood with a colleague not looking especially busy.
Blackbird1234 · 16/12/2021 10:32

@Nicknacky In fairness, we don't know what type of bar/restaurant it is. One of my friends works in a very "serious" one where all she can do is say a very quick hello and then back to work, a couple of my other friends work in more laid back bars and it happens often that they come and sit at the table with us for the evening and simply jump up when someone approaches the bar - the owner is one of the people who does this, so not unprofessional by his standards and it's the most successful bar in the town. So I guess it all depends on the type of establishment

MrMrsJones · 16/12/2021 10:39

I don't think your weird going in to see your BF, especially as he asks you to do so.

How long have you been together?

You have concerns around this women and reasons why

Coffeetree · 16/12/2021 10:39

If he's making small talk with regulars, that's part of his job. He's meant to try to make them feel at home.

Some places are funny about having staff come in. Maybe he has weird colleagues or bosses ready to accuse him of skyving. I once worked in a shop and got in trouble when my boyfriend popped in. I was accused of giving him free stuff!

santasmuma · 16/12/2021 10:40

Yes I agree but the replies on here don't Surprise me, I think some people just take pleasure in being completely rude to strangers online and try their best to bring them down,

You are the one who said the replies were pathetic very early on when the thread didn't go your way 🤷🏻‍♀️

BatshitBanshee · 16/12/2021 10:44

All OP replies are yikes Confused

I suspect if this is how you react to confrontation IRL, the boyfriend problem may be a non-issue in future.

Asks for opinions, gets opinions, lashes out and calls responses pathetic amongst other things. Yikes.

writingabout · 16/12/2021 10:47

You say this

one is a woman who I admit I feel uneasy about but that's a long backstory that I won't go into

Then you say about this woman

She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin
I saw that they were stood really close together when talking and I saw he pulled a funny face at her and then looked at me
He said sorry he couldn't talk much, yet he was able to talk to her
if probably doesn't help with that woman being there

This seems to be all about your suspicions about your partner and his colleague. If there's a backstory you probably need to give more info to explain why you dislike her and don't trust him, otherwise it doesn't make sense that you're upset about your partner talking to a colleague during work time.

tuesday2am · 16/12/2021 10:49

I think it can be difficult for people who don’t work in hospitality to understand why you’d go to your BF’s work.

My partner and I both do, and he would regularly ask me and our son to pop in to see him at work. He works 12-16 hour days, we don’t get a lot of time together, so he would love it when we would pop in to see him and stay for a bite to eat. All the staff knew us and were very kind, and as long as he wasn’t very busy, my DP would take 10mins to come and sit with us for a chat.

Very normal in hospitality, not incredibly weird or stalker-ish.

OP, I do think you’re being overly sensitive regarding how your BF was acting. As he maybe forgot you were going to come in, he maybe just felt a bit caught off guard? I wouldn’t worry too much about it, as it sounds like you’re trying to look for reasons he might have been acting strange when there possibly isn’t any.

peboh · 16/12/2021 10:52

He was at work, yes you are being too sensitive. She's his colleague, so of course he was talking to her. I don't think this is worth making a fuss over.

ANameChangeAgain · 16/12/2021 10:53

I agree that he isn't going to spend time with you whilst he is working. I wonder if he has perhaps had comments about spending too much time talking to you previously whilst he is working? If I were you I would keep the two separate.
The co working thing, why don't you trust her / him with her? I've been the token female wives gossip about and glare at in a male dominated work environment. I didn't and didn't want to sleep with my colleagues - their grotty husbands / boyfriends, but was treated like the whore of babylon regardless. Please don't be one of those partners.

Wife2b · 16/12/2021 10:55

I feel sorry for him to be honest, he must of felt awkward with you gawping at him whilst he works. If you want to spend time with your boyfriend, go and see him outside of working hours. Honestly OP, your outlook on this is unhealthy, you analysed his body language and who he spoke to. If you’re going to get jealous that he speaks to his colleagues then why put yourself in that position in the first place? Are you quite young OP?

fruitbrewhaha · 16/12/2021 10:58

I'm also in hospitality and of course friends can visit.

From the sounds of it he was chatting to everyone but you. You need to just talk to him, tell him he made you feel unwelcome and that he didn't want you there. That you felt like you had just walked in on someone's conversation or however he made you feel. You mention there is some back story with this colleague of his. So only you hold all the info.

me4real · 16/12/2021 11:02

It doesn't tend to be good to go in to your partner's work because they're at work and they're a captive audience.

If you were with some other people then that'dve seemed less intense/more natural.

It comes across as you're lonely and think he and his connection to this bar could be the magic solution to that.

Try getting involved with meetup.com or something- even if there's not much on for a while, you could chat to people online and start to make some new friends.

Apiddleawiddle · 16/12/2021 11:02

You going to his work is not weird op. I have worked in restaurants, chippies, retail, pub and in all cases have had family, friends and partner come into the workplace. In some cases specifically to wind me up 😄 I enjoyed the distraction tbh. I worked at my dad's local pub where he was every day in his retired years. He certainly wasn't stalking me. He did when I was in retail and his mental health declined and he would come begging for money daily. That I had to put a stop to but not stopping the coming in and socialising. If anything we attracted more customers with how sociable we were. I don't get some of these replies and actually see THEM as the weirdos. If you work in a public facing job that caters for every day recreational needs then that's totally not weird to drop in once in a while.

Branleuse · 16/12/2021 11:04

Jeez nothing wrong with eating at your friends or partners restaurant or cafe surely? Especially if its a sociable place people hang out. Its supportive imo.
I think people are really being too quick to tell OP shes imagining stuff or unreasonable. Shes asked on a thread, she hasnt made a big deal to him. Can people stop with the gaslighting women abput their own feelings

XmasSadface · 16/12/2021 11:05

Why are you still not saying what kind of restaurant it is?

Whats the back story with the woman?

whynotwhatknot · 16/12/2021 11:06

Whats the backstory with his colleague then

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