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Original poster

Was I being too sensitive the other night re bf

159 replies

Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:28

I called into the restaurant he works at for a bite to eat, I had told him a couple of times I'd be in that night

When I got there he seemed happy to see me but said 'Oh I had forgotten all about it really."

They were pretty quiet, he was working with 2 other staff members, one is a woman who I admit I feel uneasy about but that's a long backstory that I won't go into.

The 3rd person was on a break so it was just them 2.
I felt like he wasn't talking to me that much and seemed a bit uncomfortable for some reason. She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin, though I may be wrong.

I didn't want to distract him from work but they were very quiet and just kinda stood around. At one point I saw that they were stood really close together when talking and I saw he pulled a funny face at her and then looked at me.

In the end I just said I was tired and left, politely. He said sorry he couldn't talk much, yet he was able to talk to her.

I probably was being overly sensitive but just felt a bit off, I got home and when he got in he told me it had been great to see me and that I had seemed off, I told him I hadn't wanted to distract him or get him in trouble just that he'd seemed uncomfortable and he denied it.

Sometimes i can take things the wrong way and if probably doesn't help with that woman being there.

OP posts:

purplecorkheart · 16/12/2021 12:00

Honestly, I would not judge her by the text messages. People can read the same text messages very very differently.

girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 12:04

@purplecorkheart

Honestly, I would not judge her by the text messages. People can read the same text messages very very differently.

We don't know the content or context.

OP does she still text him outside of work? It sounds like your relationship came before their friendship so she does sound like a bit of a twat.

RantyAunty · 16/12/2021 12:05

Ok you've been together 2 years.

I think I'd be a little embarrassed if my bf did that more than once or twice a year. That's just me though.

As for the other girl, I wouldn't worry about her. He's with you.

You didn't mention your ages, but do you have other things going on? School? Hobbies? etc.

What do you two have planned for the holidays?

girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 12:06

@RantyAunty you big meany

Apiddleawiddle · 16/12/2021 12:09

@santasmuma no I recall several posts that were ott in hiw they viewed the situation. By the time it got to the stalker one I was totally with op... pathetic. Its not playing 'poor me'. It's pointing out how twisted some of these views are. It once was the norm for people you knew to come into your work if you worked in this kind of setting for a chat. I presume op was a paying customer too so she deserved a chat as much as any other customer deserves it. Pathetic and rude to think otherwise.

Aloha7373 · 16/12/2021 13:14

Is it possible that he’s just a bit shy about chatting to you in a quiet room with his colleagues around? I love my husband to bits and I’m not shy with him in most circumstances, and I could happily catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in ages about general updates etc, but I can imagine feeling pretty damn awkward in a silent room among my colleagues being like, “Missed you… what do you want for dinner? You look nice…” to my romantic partner. Could easily have that chat over text or at home.

PinotPony · 16/12/2021 13:34

I don't think it's weird for you to stop into his place of work given that it's a bar / pub. And yes, I can see that you'd probably glance up from your phone to see what he's doing and if he is free to chat.

But...

YABU to get annoyed that he didn't come over to talk to you. Even if it was quiet, he was meant to be working and was probably self-conscious that chatting to his GF whilst at work could be seen as skiving off work.

You're also BU to get annoyed that he was talking to a colleague. And it's very unreasonable to analyse how they interacted. Her smile to you and his facial expressions could mean anything. If you are insecure about his colleague you need to deal with that, talk to him, not silently seeth with jealousy.

DickMabutt73962 · 16/12/2021 13:51

@Maddymorphosis

Can't believe people are saying it's 'weird' to go to a restaurant your partner works at.

Repeatedly. Is there nowhere else to eat? Sounds like you're controlling trying to keep an eye on him.

Hen2018 · 16/12/2021 13:54

@Maddymorphosis

Some really bizarre replies from people who cannot fathom that someone might see things differently to them, I said I over thought it, that's it

The irony...

MarbleQueen · 16/12/2021 13:54

Op what was the weird stuff over text?

DickMabutt73962 · 16/12/2021 13:57

@Maddymorphosis

We have been together a couple of years, I don't want to go into it as it's too long but there was just weird behaviour from her over text and she mentioned my name once in a way I didn't like.

I've never had a conversation with her apart from saying hello, I'm not interested in her but i just felt a bit weird with that text stuff, though over time I'll stop caring.

Aaaaaaand here comes the drip feed

blinder · 16/12/2021 14:05

Maddymorphosis
I used to have a boyfriend who worked in a pub. He was an Aussie, travelling. I used to call in there about once a week. It was fun. I made friends with his colleagues and would stay for a lock in after work. They used to come out with us and our friend group on nights when they weren’t working. No idea what’s wrong with that. It was totally normal for all of us partners and colleagues

blinder · 16/12/2021 14:07

And, I would have been a bit weirded out if the vibe felt awkward and he was exchanging glances with a colleague before looking at me. But I would’ve have just asked straight out, “er, I thought you were expecting me tonight. Is there something I’ve missed?”

5128gap · 16/12/2021 14:12

It sounds to me that he behaves differently with the other woman when you aren't there. Either in a more flirty way he wouldn't do in front of you, or in closer friend's way, that he knows you wouldn't like. Having the two of you there together was awkward for him, as he couldn't be his usual self with her, hence the atmosphere.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 14:12

I told him I hadn't wanted to distract him or get him in trouble

Then why did you go?

It sounds miserable - being 'off duty' tucking into a dinner while your b/f is still in work mode.

As to his co-worker - she's not your issue.
You either trust him or you don't.
Do you feel trust could be at root of why you went to eat at his workplace?

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 14:16

@Maddymorphosis

Can't believe people are saying it's 'weird' to go to a restaurant your partner works at.

It's not weird to go to a restaurant.

It's weird to keep turning up at your b/f's workplace though.
I'd be really pissed off if a b/f kept turning up at mine.
And kept monitoring my interactions with my colleagues, & got the hump because I didn't sit & chat with them.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 14:19

and if probably doesn't help with that woman being there.

that women whose job it literally is to be there?
Can you see how unreasonable you are being about her?

If you are jealous or insecure about your b/f, hanging round him while he's working won't make you feel any better.
If you were a man, often popping up at his g/f's place of work & getting jealous about her colleagues, everyone would be shouting "red flags"!

HumourReplacementTherapy · 16/12/2021 14:20

What bizarre responses!
Perfectly fine to go into a bar/restaurant where a partner friend or family works.
If it's busy they might not get chance to speak much, if it's quiet then yes they might. I don't know why the op is getting so much grief!
DS is a chef. Perfectly ok for him to come and sit with us for a bit and have a drink if it's quiet after he's cooked our dinner.
You have picked up a vibe so I would trust your instincts. Sounds like you felt they were mocking you maybe?

GaiusHelenMohiam · 16/12/2021 14:23

Honestly it is COMPLETELY NORMAL and reasonable, expected even, to socialise at work when you work in a pub. Maybe less so if it’s just purely a sit down restaurant but it still happens.

I work 60hr weeks, 16hr shifts. I’d never see anyone if they didn’t visit me at work.

5128gap · 16/12/2021 14:24

All the comments about whether OP is wrong or weird to go there are a bit of a smokescreen. Whether it's distracting, or irritating, or monitoring him isn't the point. Rightly or wrongly the OP did go there, and observed behaviour she was uncomfortable with. While I wouldn't go to DPs work or want him at mine, if we did go I wouldn't expect either of us to see anything we had a problem with.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 14:24

I think it’s odd to go to eat in a restaurant alone anyway (unless you’re away for business etc).

Women - know your place!
No dining solo for you. People might think you are "odd".

Do you only get hungry when you are in company, or on business, @AutumnLeaves21?

CharlotteRose90 · 16/12/2021 14:25

I think the look and chat he was giving that female colleague was a I can’t believe she’s here again look. I get it, the guy I’m seeing is a chef but I wouldn’t dare to go to his place of work unless invited. It’s like a code and frankly you look like you’re spying on him. If you trust him stop going there and enjoy the relationship

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 14:28

@Maddymorphosis

The surgeon story is clearly pointless and totally irrelevant

Also hilarious :)

beaverdiego · 16/12/2021 14:30

Don't think you're being entirely unreasonable to be fair OP.
Trust your gut, there probably was something a bit off.
My DP has a job in the hospitality trade and asks me to come along see him sometimes. One evening a me and a friend went along, I got virtually blanked by my DP. A colleague of his, a woman who similarly I'm uneasy about, took our order but, as my friend pointed out, she seemed to not like me being there. Had I been alone I'd have been just wondering if I was being unreasonable thinking this but my friend validated I wasn't completely nuts.

At the time I did mention how rude it was to ask for me to visit then to almost completely ignore me.
I very rarely pop in now even when he asks.

Did you speak to him about it after?

Figgygal · 16/12/2021 14:36

so he was talking to his work colleague while he was at work and stood to close to her in your opinion, can he stand closely with male colleagues?
That is all a bit intense op

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