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Original poster

Was I being too sensitive the other night re bf

159 replies

Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 09:28

I called into the restaurant he works at for a bite to eat, I had told him a couple of times I'd be in that night

When I got there he seemed happy to see me but said 'Oh I had forgotten all about it really."

They were pretty quiet, he was working with 2 other staff members, one is a woman who I admit I feel uneasy about but that's a long backstory that I won't go into.

The 3rd person was on a break so it was just them 2.
I felt like he wasn't talking to me that much and seemed a bit uncomfortable for some reason. She gave me what seemed like a big fake grin, though I may be wrong.

I didn't want to distract him from work but they were very quiet and just kinda stood around. At one point I saw that they were stood really close together when talking and I saw he pulled a funny face at her and then looked at me.

In the end I just said I was tired and left, politely. He said sorry he couldn't talk much, yet he was able to talk to her.

I probably was being overly sensitive but just felt a bit off, I got home and when he got in he told me it had been great to see me and that I had seemed off, I told him I hadn't wanted to distract him or get him in trouble just that he'd seemed uncomfortable and he denied it.

Sometimes i can take things the wrong way and if probably doesn't help with that woman being there.

OP posts:
Fatgalslim · 16/12/2021 09:41

Oh come on, there must be lots of other places you can go and eat, if he worked in an office you wouldn't just turn up to see him, and it sounds like you live together so I've no idea why you feel the need to see him at work.

Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 09:42

Does he come to your workplace when you are working?

BornIn78 · 16/12/2021 09:43

I’d start feeling pretty claustrophobic if my partner kept coming into my workplace, whether it’s a formal restaurant or a walk in pub/bar, and especially if I knew he was spending his time there analysing my behaviour with colleagues and whether or not I talk to him “enough”.

The guy is at work. Stop it.

Sparkai · 16/12/2021 09:44

It's not weird to go in, bit it is weird though think the dynamic will be the same between you as when you aren't at work.

When I was younger, my then bf and I worked in the same office. It wasn't a secret, everyone knew, but we were both in work mode and rarely chatted to each other at all.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/12/2021 09:45

But it is weird to visit your partner at work regardless of where it is. Eating out with a group of friends is entirely different to dropping in on your own, especially when you say there is one woman you feel uneasy about.
It looks more as though you don't trust humans are checking up on him.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/12/2021 09:46

Him not humans

mila0 · 16/12/2021 09:47

Fgs. The OP is posting because she got a weird vibe.

OP, it sounds as if you suspect her has something going on with the other staff member (or would like to)?

Anyway, my advice would be to stop chasing him about. He won’t respect you got it. Don’t drop into his workplace. Make him chase you. How dare he say he kind of forgot you were coming Shock. Most women would have walked out then and there. The height of rudeness!

SallSall · 16/12/2021 09:47

regulars who are customers are totally different to a girlfriend hanging out to chat to her boyfriend who is working. this is so not professional for him to do - even if it is quiet, he will have work to do , he isn't paid to chat to you.

Sparkai · 16/12/2021 09:48

OP: am I being to sensitive?
MN: yes
OP: omg can't believe you are calling me a stalker

(which only one, more extreme reply likened her behaviour to being stalkerish, not a stalker herself and ignoring all the more reasoned replies)

cushioncovers · 16/12/2021 09:49

I wouldn't read too much into it. People are different at work than at home.

Nicknacky · 16/12/2021 09:49

@mila0 He was working so it’s reasonable that he forgot. Do you work?

Fatgalslim · 16/12/2021 09:51

@mila0

Fgs. The OP is posting because she got a weird vibe.

OP, it sounds as if you suspect her has something going on with the other staff member (or would like to)?

Anyway, my advice would be to stop chasing him about. He won’t respect you got it. Don’t drop into his workplace. Make him chase you. How dare he say he kind of forgot you were coming Shock. Most women would have walked out then and there. The height of rudeness!

Maybe he forgot she was coming because he didn't really want her there, I can't imagine anyone wanting their partner there when they are trying to work
BatshitBanshee · 16/12/2021 09:51

@Maddymorphosis

Ok these replies are just pathetic, I'm a stalker now . All the regulars must be stalkers too, especially those that go in every day. How dare I go in to eat and see him
Oh OP you're the red flag here. It does sound like you were deliberately looking for something between them. It sounds like two people who work together and can't be seen to be slacking off and talking to their partners during working hours.

Staff talking to customers: fine.
Staff using work time to romance their BF/GF: not ok.

AutumnLeaves21 · 16/12/2021 09:52

Hmm. I hadn’t voted either way because your OP was unclear in a few things. But reading more into it I think YABU. Bit coincidental that you’re concerned about him with this one colleague, yet chose the night he’s working with her to go in? I think it’s odd to go to eat in a restaurant alone anyway (unless you’re away for business etc). I think your boyfriend probably felt awkward as he couldn’t spend time with you due to being busy working, also his colleagues probably think it’s odd and realise you’re checking up an him.

girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 09:55

He probably felt uncomfortable because she's been taking the piss out of him about the fact he's not even allowed to go to work alone and then you turned up.

If you don't trust him that's fine but don't go to his workplace then get upset about him interacting with a colleague if you know what they're like. Either dump him or stay away from his work.

ShirleyPhallus · 16/12/2021 09:55

I think you’re right actually OP, sounds odd

I regularly drop in to see my boyfriend at work, he’s a surgeon, when he can’t talk in the middle of an operation I get annoyed too

girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 09:57

@ShirleyPhallus

I think you’re right actually OP, sounds odd

I regularly drop in to see my boyfriend at work, he’s a surgeon, when he can’t talk in the middle of an operation I get annoyed too

Thanks for making me laugh out loud as the baby was falling asleep ffs 😂
Corbally · 16/12/2021 09:58

@ShirleyPhallus

I think you’re right actually OP, sounds odd

I regularly drop in to see my boyfriend at work, he’s a surgeon, when he can’t talk in the middle of an operation I get annoyed too

Well, you HAVE to go in, right, otherwise he might be standing suspiciously close to the anaesthetist.
gindreams · 16/12/2021 09:59

@AutumnLeaves21

How is it odd to eat in a restaurant alone ?

I mean the OP is batshit crazy but that part I disagree with you on

EmmasMum12 · 16/12/2021 09:59

I think if it was quiet he could have chatted to you more. I'd have thought he'd have WANTED to chat to you as he had the opportunity.

I'd go with your gut. If you think there's something going on with him and his colleague that will cause you tobe hyper vigilant

It does come across that you went in to his place of work to check up on him because you think he is being unfaithful

HardbackWriter · 16/12/2021 10:00

You're not the same as the other regulars, you're just not. He's not building relationships and encouraging people to come back again and spend more money by spending the evening chatting to you. It has no benefit for the business so it will just be seen as skiving off.

Corbally · 16/12/2021 10:01

[quote gindreams]@AutumnLeaves21

How is it odd to eat in a restaurant alone ?

I mean the OP is batshit crazy but that part I disagree with you on [/quote]
I don't think it's remotely odd, but in the context of this situation, it suggests that the OP going alone to a restaurant where her boyfriend works with a female colleague with whom there is some mysterious 'backstory' wasn't just because she fancied a bite to eat by herself.

ellenpartridge · 16/12/2021 10:01

Op your behaviour does sound very awkward. The bf can't just stop and talk to you as he's at work

TooMuchPaper · 16/12/2021 10:01

Admit that you are checking up on him because you are uncomfortable with the other woman (who you are uneasy about and that there is a backstory about).
Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't then split. Don't play games.

Original poster
Maddymorphosis · 16/12/2021 10:05

Thanks for the more measured replies

He asks me to go in too, it's not just me randomly turning up

The woman is there most days so it's hard to go in when she's not there

We both work 12 hour days so can go days without seeing each other, I finished early so I went in

I probably did overthink it and was being sensitive but I really don't appreciate replies calling me crazy and other names

No need for such vitriol

OP posts: