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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband keeps screaming

155 replies

Meg45 · 15/12/2021 09:08

Hi everyone. For years my husband has been a chilled out man who minds his own business. He's a quiet man, but for the past few months he keeps screaming at me over the littlest things. I keep asking him why he's screaming instead of talking, he just says I don't listen when he talks so he has to scream, but it's constant and he reacts to the tiniest things. It seems he has had a complete personality change in the past few months and I'm not sure why. He's not having an affair or anything, is he sick of me?

OP posts:
Marcipex · 15/12/2021 09:14

That sounds very hard for you. Can you pinpoint when his behaviour changed?
How old is he?

CelloYouveGotABass · 15/12/2021 09:17

If it is a complete U-turn in behaviour,
could it be something medical or mental health related?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/12/2021 09:18

Medical?

Franklyfrost · 15/12/2021 09:19

What sort of things is he screaming about? Have there been any big life changes like bereavement, illness, redundancy etc?

Weenurse · 15/12/2021 09:20

How old is he?
I find some people go on the offensive and get shouty to cover for declining memory.

endofthelinefinally · 15/12/2021 09:20

Sudden personality change could be caysed by drugs, mental illness or something as rare as a brain tumour. He needs to speak to his gp. Sorry to be blunt and to scare you but I have experience of all of these scenarios and all should be considered.

Vapeyvapevape · 15/12/2021 09:21

I’d insist he gets help or you will have to leave, no one should be screaming at you.

Original poster
Meg45 · 15/12/2021 09:23

He's 38. I honestly can't pinpoint the exact time he's just been screaming loads the past few months. We'll go out for a meal and I feel I can't talk to him in case he has a different opinion then he'll start screaming about it. I feel so embarrassed because people can see but it's like he doesn't care who hears him.

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 15/12/2021 09:23

Massive sudden personality changes like you describe can be early signs of a number of neurodegenerative diseases such as Parkinson's or dementia. Is he in the age bracket where this may be possible?
Other than that mental health problems? Is there any sudden large stressors that may be contributing? I would try and get him to see the gp.

Obviously your safety is paramount so please let people in real life know what's going on. Talk to your gp yourself. Have you got somewhere to go if you feel unsafe?

MuthaFunka61 · 15/12/2021 09:24

Agreed @endofthelinefinally, this needs checking out by a GP.

I'm not speculating on a cause, but a sudden change after knowing someone for a significant period of time needs investigating.

If it's nothing medical then I think Relate would be your next point of call. Relate'll help you work out what's happening and how to change the dynamic.

Outlyingtrout · 15/12/2021 09:25

If it is genuinely out of character and a sudden change in someone you have been married to for many years then I would be wanting him to get checked at the GP to rule out a medical reason. Try and talk to him about it when he is calm.

Original poster
Meg45 · 15/12/2021 09:31

Thank you for all your responses, I really appreciate it. ❤ he's never had mental health problems as far as I'm aware, but I'm going to try to get him to the ring the doctors, he can't continue like this.

OP posts:
Silvershroud · 15/12/2021 09:35

He really needs to see a doctor, but he may minimise the symptoms. Maybe you should see your GP , explain what is going on, and ask the way forward. It is not something you can ignore - not to frighten you but the sooner it is investigated the better.

pompomsgalore · 15/12/2021 09:37

Will he open to seeing a gp? Does he recognise his own behaviour?

Is he drinking, gambling or stressed overly with work?

EmpressCixi · 15/12/2021 09:37

Agree with pp on medical reason and just want to add a head injury could also cause this complete change in personality and hyper reactions. If he’s also not aware how loud he is....says he’s not screaming but merely raising his voice...could be hearing problem.

triceratopsatemyhat · 15/12/2021 09:39

I would guess it's stress related.

MintyGreenDream · 15/12/2021 09:41

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MintyGreenDream · 15/12/2021 09:41

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endofthelinefinally · 15/12/2021 09:43

Wow. That is very insensitive MintyGreenDream.

IntermittentParps · 15/12/2021 09:45

I keep asking him why he's screaming instead of talking, he just says I don't listen when he talks so he has to scream
So he knows he's doing it and isn't apologising for it.
Are there moments when he DOES realise it's not OK to behave like this?
If not then yes, perhaps he is ill.

Original poster
Meg45 · 15/12/2021 09:46

Thank yous, I'll definitely convince him to go to the doctors. He could be stressed, he does work hard but he loves his job. He drinks on a weekend but thats about it.

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 15/12/2021 09:46

I'm sorry that was badly judged

billy1966 · 15/12/2021 09:47

OP, this is abusive.

He needs to see the doctor to be checked out and if he refuses ask him to leave.

His behaviour is abusive and your are afraid of him.

Call this exactly what it is.

Stop accepting it.

He either gets checked out properly or he leaves.

Do not accept this behaviour.

Are their children in this situation?

Original poster
Meg45 · 15/12/2021 09:48

It's rare he apologises for anything tbh.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 15/12/2021 09:51

@Meg45

It's rare he apologises for anything tbh.
Right, well that doesn't sound good, but benefit of the doubt: see what the doc says.
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