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So upset about what DP’s kids said about me
193

WillThisUsernameDo · 05/12/2021 22:51

I’ve been seeing DP for about 18 months now. He’s a really lovely guy, we have a great laugh. We live apart, about an hour away from each other and no plans to move in together in the next few years. He has 2 ds’s age 17 and 14, I have 2 age 9 and 5. He has his boys half the time and we’ve spent a fair amount of time together and they’re really great boys, really funny although occasionally grumpy in a typical teenage boy way. We’ve been on a couple of holidays together, not staying in the same room but same hotel and meeting up for meals then he’d do activities with his kids, I did stuff with mine and we did a few activities together if they were suitable for all of them. We’re by no means attempting to blend our families but we all get on well and, as far as I was aware, there was no resentment or anything from either kids or adults about the relationship.

Anyway, my Dsis lives in the same town as my DP. She joined a social netball team a few months ago and made good friends with a couple of the women there. After her being tagged in a few photos with them I realised that one of them was my DP’s ex wife and mother to their boys (yes, I’m a nosey cow and looked her up on SM ages ago). As soon as I realise who she is I message dsis to tell her and because I want to find out what she’s like (I know, I know). Dsis is really surprised and said that this woman hadn’t been particularly complimentary about me, apparently I’d come up in conversation about Minecraft of all things. It turns out that her boys had nicknamed me The Villager because I have a big nose and laugh like the sound a villager in Minecraft makes. Having had a good search it’s definitely not a complimentary thing and I just feel really hurt. I know they’re teenagers and I don’t expect them to be hugely respectful of me as to them I’m just their dad’s girlfriend. But I’ve bought them birthday and Christmas presents (from me, not DP), they both WhatsApp me meme’s they think I’ll like occasionally, we’ve always had a laugh and never had a cross word.

I don’t know if it’s his ex encouraging it, Dsis certainly said his ex found it funny (Dsis hasn’t mentioned who I am in relation to her yet). As far as I know dp and his ex ended pretty amicably, no cheating and they’re both now in relationships with other people. I haven’t said anything to DP about it because I just feel silly about it.

Any advice? Should I say something?

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cushioncovers · 07/12/2021 08:22

Maxbaby it was the op's sister who found out about the nicknames and choose to tell the op.

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aSofaNearYou · 07/12/2021 08:54

@maxbaby

Why do people feel it's weird behaviour from the sister? Am I missing something here...?

It's a strong narrative on this thread but personally I don't think there's anything strange about the sister's behaviour.
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maxbaby · 07/12/2021 09:45

@cushioncovers

Maxbaby it was the op's sister who found out about the nicknames and choose to tell the op.

Okay and.......? Is there meant to be something wrong with that or is her sister meant to lie and say she never said anything about her sister at all? I'm very confused, the sister did nothing wrong in my eyes. My sister would do the same thing and I'd be grateful for it
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maxbaby · 07/12/2021 09:46

@aSofaNearYou neither do I!😂 I really don't see what the sister did wrong here

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cushioncovers · 07/12/2021 10:23

My view is that the sister didn't need to tell the op this. It wasn't helpful. It was unnecessary. The sister probably got a sense of satisfaction repeating this gossip but it's now left the op feeling hurt and the sister has no follow up advice on how to deal with it. The sister just dumped it on the op and left her to deal with it.

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aSofaNearYou · 07/12/2021 10:26

@cushioncovers

My view is that the sister didn't need to tell the op this. It wasn't helpful. It was unnecessary. The sister probably got a sense of satisfaction repeating this gossip but it's now left the op feeling hurt and the sister has no follow up advice on how to deal with it. The sister just dumped it on the op and left her to deal with it.

I feel like that's jumping to conclusions, it doesn't read that way at all, it reads far more like generic concern.
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cushioncovers · 07/12/2021 10:34

I've reread the op original post and the op says that her sister volunteers this information when the op said she wanted to find out what the ex was like. So I still think the sister told the op the nitty gritty details of what the ex said unnecessarily.

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Juniper68 · 07/12/2021 10:38

[quote ImustLearn2Cook]@Juniper68 I had tried copy and pasting her user name into search and it only came up with two results neither of which were the thread. I eventually found it tho.

I’ve seen people asking for links to other threads many times on Mumsnet. So, it obviously is the done thing. Hmm[/quote]
Great am happy for you Hmm

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Stnic2021 · 07/12/2021 10:47

As everyone already said - if the worst thing they've ever said about you is something about your nose and laugh, then you are doing really really well!!! Give yourself a pat on the back. I reckon that would be quite a compliment coming from my own biological kids.

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WillThisUsernameDo · 07/12/2021 10:56

@cushioncovers sister wasn’t attempting to achieve anything. I was specifically asking her what the exW had said after she tried to brush it off but I could tell she wasn’t saying something. My dsis is my best friend and has been for my entire life. She’s not suddenly a shit stirring bitch, as one poster called her, for answering me honestly when I asked her a direct question. Yes, I’m sure she realised it wouldn’t be a particularly pleasant experience for me but I’d much rather surround myself with people who are honest than someone who would lie just to save my feelings.

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cushioncovers · 07/12/2021 11:32

I understand what you are saying op. But now you got the 'honest truth' it seems like you don't have the resilience to cope with. And it has left you feeling very hurt. 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes it's better if we don't hear every bit of idle gossip about ourselves. If you fall out with the teenagers in question over it then the exwife has won.

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Bookworm20 · 07/12/2021 14:09

That honestly sounds like something younger DC might say. you've been together 18 months? When did you first meet the DC?
You say they are lovely to you and nice boys, so its unlikely they are being horrid behind your back tbh. I think you'd know if they really didn't like you.

Heres how I think it played out.

DC back from seeing their dad and meeting you for the first time.
They plop down in front of the xbox/playstation whatever and start playing minecraft.
ExW is curious about you, how it went etc etc, thats totally normal.
Probably asked them what you were like, asked a few questions, how old you were, were you pretty/young etc etc
Response from the younger DC, engrossed in minecraft, annoyed at all the questions 'i don't know, she was nice. Shes like, i don't know, shes pretty, has a big nose."
ExW 'Oh like the villager?'
Youngest DC ' Yeah' (just agreeing)

And exW has rolled with that.

Could be wrong of course, but I have heard my teenage DS compare his siblings to game characters and they look nothing like them. Their cousin has ginger hair and DS calls him Ron. Looks nothing like bloody Ron. So just a feature. Cousin calls DS something back, can't remember it but equally as weird.

I think no malice was intended at all, if they otherwise seem like nice lads.

If you have a good relationship with you, you could always treat it as a bit of a joke.
Next card you buy them, sign it off from 'the villager'. Smile and wink at them.
If they look confused it was obviously a stupid passing comment that they have forgotten or was so insignificant it didn't even register with them.
If they look embarrassed, at least they'll know you know about it but are not going to hold it against them and have a sense of humour.

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TooBigForMyBoots · 07/12/2021 14:17

Stop prying on their private conversations @WillThisUsernameDo.Hmm

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LondonWolf · 07/12/2021 14:42

This genuinely wouldn’t bother me. I’d probably shocked laugh tbh. I hear my own teens moaning about me to each other sometimes and it makes me smile to myself.

I used to be very pretty, now I am old and haggard and my physical appearance means very little to me. Had they said I was mean, miserable or worst of all Not Funny! 😲. That would have hurt me. How I look or sound? Meh!

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LondonWolf · 07/12/2021 14:44

OP, my dsis would have told me too and I would have wanted her to. I don’t think makes her mean or “shit stirring” at all Confused

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PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 07/12/2021 14:52

@WillThisUsernameDo Buy them some Minecraft socks for Christmas and put a note in "from The Villager"
Say nothing.
It will kill them trying to work out how you know.

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PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 07/12/2021 14:59

@WillThisUsernameDo You might want to warn your sis, so she can deny all knowledge...just in case Wink Halo

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newfriend05 · 07/12/2021 16:12

[quote PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets]@WillThisUsernameDo Buy them some Minecraft socks for Christmas and put a note in "from The Villager"
Say nothing.
It will kill them trying to work out how you know.[/quote]
This is brilliant.. do this

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