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So upset about what DP’s kids said about me
193

WillThisUsernameDo · 05/12/2021 22:51

I’ve been seeing DP for about 18 months now. He’s a really lovely guy, we have a great laugh. We live apart, about an hour away from each other and no plans to move in together in the next few years. He has 2 ds’s age 17 and 14, I have 2 age 9 and 5. He has his boys half the time and we’ve spent a fair amount of time together and they’re really great boys, really funny although occasionally grumpy in a typical teenage boy way. We’ve been on a couple of holidays together, not staying in the same room but same hotel and meeting up for meals then he’d do activities with his kids, I did stuff with mine and we did a few activities together if they were suitable for all of them. We’re by no means attempting to blend our families but we all get on well and, as far as I was aware, there was no resentment or anything from either kids or adults about the relationship.

Anyway, my Dsis lives in the same town as my DP. She joined a social netball team a few months ago and made good friends with a couple of the women there. After her being tagged in a few photos with them I realised that one of them was my DP’s ex wife and mother to their boys (yes, I’m a nosey cow and looked her up on SM ages ago). As soon as I realise who she is I message dsis to tell her and because I want to find out what she’s like (I know, I know). Dsis is really surprised and said that this woman hadn’t been particularly complimentary about me, apparently I’d come up in conversation about Minecraft of all things. It turns out that her boys had nicknamed me The Villager because I have a big nose and laugh like the sound a villager in Minecraft makes. Having had a good search it’s definitely not a complimentary thing and I just feel really hurt. I know they’re teenagers and I don’t expect them to be hugely respectful of me as to them I’m just their dad’s girlfriend. But I’ve bought them birthday and Christmas presents (from me, not DP), they both WhatsApp me meme’s they think I’ll like occasionally, we’ve always had a laugh and never had a cross word.

I don’t know if it’s his ex encouraging it, Dsis certainly said his ex found it funny (Dsis hasn’t mentioned who I am in relation to her yet). As far as I know dp and his ex ended pretty amicably, no cheating and they’re both now in relationships with other people. I haven’t said anything to DP about it because I just feel silly about it.

Any advice? Should I say something?

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gamerchick · 06/12/2021 06:48

Your bloke doesnt sound that nice either tbh. Why would you stay with him after he said that to you?

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Shoxfordian · 06/12/2021 06:52

Sounds like they learnt how to respect women from their dad

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GlitchStitch · 06/12/2021 06:59

You wanted your sister to get gossip about the ex whilst not letting her know who your sister was. You don't come across particularly well in this scenario either.

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NataliaSerene · 06/12/2021 07:06

Not impressed with you or your sister. It’s absolute shit to spy on someone in this way. Perhaps the villager comparison is about where you put your nose rather than the actual size of it.

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Subbaxeo · 06/12/2021 07:09

Don’t take it to heart-that’s the kind of thing my kids as teens would have said to my face! We do have a lot of gentle teasing in our relationship though-my daughter still says she’s glad not to have my nose-it’s huge! If that’s the worst thing they can say about you, then your relationship must be pretty good. It’s just observant teens having a laugh-bit weird of the mum to share it though.

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Juniper68 · 06/12/2021 07:10

@AnneLovesGilbert

The weirdest thing is their mum, who’s not a teenager and apparently in a happy new relationship, telling an acquaintance from a hobby what her kids say about their dad’s girlfriend. Who does that?

Exactly. Also I wouldn't have passed that on tbh.
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pinkfondu · 06/12/2021 07:10

This is why you don't snoop, you never like what you hear.

It's a stupid comment they've made to their mum for whatever reason. You are taking it way too personally.

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unname · 06/12/2021 07:10

@Pyewackect

They are just your B/F’s kids so I wouldn’t go out of my way to accommodate them in any way. I certainly wouldn’t spend money on them. And I’d come up with my own name for them, Beavis and Butthead probably, not that I’d tell them that but it would make me smile to myself. I know this may sound petty but I’d have the last laugh.

Sad
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GreyCarpet · 06/12/2021 07:18

@PlanktonsComputerWife

The actual one who has hurt you here is your sister.

Talk about shooting the messenger! Confused

If the OP was repeatedly asking her, as she suggests she was, the sister had to say something. Her options were to lie or tell the truth.

She was put in a difficult position and didn't know what to do for the best.

I'd agree that it was most likely the teens thinking they were being loyal to their mum.

As for those wondering why the ex was talking about her ex's gf to an acquaintance at a hobby, people who do hobbies have all sorts of conversations. Just like in the real world. You've no idea what the context or conversation was. I doubt she walked up toa near stranger and just announced it. Are some people so lacking in imagination that they can't see how a conversation might develop?
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ImustLearn2Cook · 06/12/2021 07:20

@Happy1982ish Do you have a link to that thread? I kind of remember it but can’t find it. Are you sure it was posted by WillThisUsernameDo?

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Juniper68 · 06/12/2021 07:24

[quote ImustLearn2Cook]@Happy1982ish Do you have a link to that thread? I kind of remember it but can’t find it. Are you sure it was posted by WillThisUsernameDo?[/quote]
I don't think that's the done thing?

Copy and paste her username into search if you want to read it.

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RowanAlong · 06/12/2021 07:27

It was totally unnecessary of your sister to tell you that! What possible good can it do? I’d be more annoyed about that to be honest...

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dogmandu · 06/12/2021 07:27

Not impressed with you or your sister. It’s absolute shit to spy on someone in this way.

Absolutely! I think it's mean and nasty of your sister not to have informed the XW who she was. It's unforgivable and says a lot about the character of your sister. When it all comes out as it inevitably will, it will reflect badly on your sister's character.

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FabriqueBelgique · 06/12/2021 07:29

@mocktail

They said it to their mum, possibly to sound loyal to her, and never expected it to come back to you. I'd be hurt too, but you should probably try to overlook it and move on.

This is what I think! They like you very much but are using the joke to let mum know they don’t like you TOO much, not more than her.
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drpet49 · 06/12/2021 07:29

* The weirdest thing is their mum, who’s not a teenager and apparently in a happy new relationship, telling an acquaintance from a hobby what her kids say about their dad’s girlfriend. Who does that?*

^This, this, this

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sparklefarts · 06/12/2021 07:32

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Your sister is an absolute dick for telling you what she specifically said. It's at best unbelievably thoughtless and insensitive, at worst nasty and shit stirring. I can't get my head around why she told you. If she felt pushed to share she could just have said something more generic like "she said she's not necessarily your biggest fan then I changed the subject." Absolute dick for telling you.

Yup, this
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Bettybantz · 06/12/2021 07:35

Don’t forget, you are hearing this third hand. By the time it’s passed from the DCs to their mum, to your sister, to you, you have lost a bit of context each time.
It could well have been a good natured joke and not intended in spite. Lots of people have secret nicknames for people- there have been threads on here about it.
Try and focus on the nice relationship you have with them, and I’d avoid ‘digging’ in future.

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Pawprintpaper · 06/12/2021 07:36

@mocktail

They said it to their mum, possibly to sound loyal to her, and never expected it to come back to you. I'd be hurt too, but you should probably try to overlook it and move on.

Agree with this, it wasn’t for your ears. Ignore it. Unless you want to prank them back and keep referring to villagers on Minecraft in conversation and see what they do.
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BurnedToast · 06/12/2021 07:45

You're overly invested in ex wife. Perhaps she knew who your sister was and thought she'd give you something worth snooping for.

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justaskingagain · 06/12/2021 07:45

They're kids trying to manage both parents being in new relationships and possibly feeling in the middle of things. You don't know the context of the conversation with their mother. I'm sorry you're upset but try to move on from it... and don't involve your sister any more - eventually it will get back to the ex wife who she is and that will cause far more trouble and weirdness!

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LethargicActress · 06/12/2021 07:46

It’s not nice but don’t take it personally. On the whole, kids don’t want step parents, no matter how lovely they are. They will always prefer their parents to either be together or single, but the parents having partners is only ever for the parents benefit, not the child’s, so it’s not surprising that most kids would prefer that step parents weren’t around.

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oakleaffy · 06/12/2021 07:48

“An amicable split”
Yeah, right!
Splits are rarely “Amicable” even if there is no infidelity .
The boys of course will joke with their mother, however silly.
But no way should your sister have told you what was said.

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Elnetthairnet · 06/12/2021 07:48

Let it go. You weren’t meant to hear this, they’re lovely to your face and you all get on. Take the high ground on this one. And learn a lesson about asking for inside info - did you honestly think this woman was going to say nice things about you?? Your sister should have kept her mouth shut too.

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Lovemusic33 · 06/12/2021 07:48

I wouldn’t take it personally, they are teens, they probably have nicknames for a lot of people, I know many teens have nicknames for people including teachers, friends and a family. The ex is being childish discussing it with others.

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Quartz2208 · 06/12/2021 07:49

To be fair to the exwife and the sister the OP does clarify it as being

Ex wife asked if anyone knew what the villagers look/ sound like as her boys have been saying that their dads girlfriend remind them of one due to her big nose and laugh sounding the same.

At this point the sister did not know who the girlfriend was - the Ex wife didnt either and was just asking. Not the nicest conversation but one that I am sure we are all guilty off

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