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So upset about what DP’s kids said about me
193

WillThisUsernameDo · 05/12/2021 22:51

I’ve been seeing DP for about 18 months now. He’s a really lovely guy, we have a great laugh. We live apart, about an hour away from each other and no plans to move in together in the next few years. He has 2 ds’s age 17 and 14, I have 2 age 9 and 5. He has his boys half the time and we’ve spent a fair amount of time together and they’re really great boys, really funny although occasionally grumpy in a typical teenage boy way. We’ve been on a couple of holidays together, not staying in the same room but same hotel and meeting up for meals then he’d do activities with his kids, I did stuff with mine and we did a few activities together if they were suitable for all of them. We’re by no means attempting to blend our families but we all get on well and, as far as I was aware, there was no resentment or anything from either kids or adults about the relationship.

Anyway, my Dsis lives in the same town as my DP. She joined a social netball team a few months ago and made good friends with a couple of the women there. After her being tagged in a few photos with them I realised that one of them was my DP’s ex wife and mother to their boys (yes, I’m a nosey cow and looked her up on SM ages ago). As soon as I realise who she is I message dsis to tell her and because I want to find out what she’s like (I know, I know). Dsis is really surprised and said that this woman hadn’t been particularly complimentary about me, apparently I’d come up in conversation about Minecraft of all things. It turns out that her boys had nicknamed me The Villager because I have a big nose and laugh like the sound a villager in Minecraft makes. Having had a good search it’s definitely not a complimentary thing and I just feel really hurt. I know they’re teenagers and I don’t expect them to be hugely respectful of me as to them I’m just their dad’s girlfriend. But I’ve bought them birthday and Christmas presents (from me, not DP), they both WhatsApp me meme’s they think I’ll like occasionally, we’ve always had a laugh and never had a cross word.

I don’t know if it’s his ex encouraging it, Dsis certainly said his ex found it funny (Dsis hasn’t mentioned who I am in relation to her yet). As far as I know dp and his ex ended pretty amicably, no cheating and they’re both now in relationships with other people. I haven’t said anything to DP about it because I just feel silly about it.

Any advice? Should I say something?

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TreeSmuggler · 06/12/2021 03:33

Oh no, I can imagine exactly how you feel.

Try to not take it too much to heart if possible. I remember when I was a teen, my friends and I would (privately) make fun of our teachers appearances and mannerisms, even though we really liked most of them. I feel bad about it now but unfortunately it's something teens do, I guess we wanted to seem cool or be funny.

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DBI78 · 06/12/2021 03:34

The mum sounds like a cow. Who slates expartners new gf to people they barely know. All she's gaining is feeling better about her self for ridiculing you. Which is sad. Perhaps she's insecure about your relationship with the kids, maybe they feel pressure to show disrespect to you in loyalty to her. The fact that she didn't pull them up for it and is tells others speaks volumes about her. The easiest thing to do would be to let it go but I personally would probably tell dp although he may defend his children (which is understandable but may hurt) but should make ex think before she speaks.

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SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 06/12/2021 03:45

I was very strongly encouraged by my mother to say unkind things about my Dad's partner. It felt like she desperately needed us to say those things.

If it matters, I am sure my mum didn't want to be with my dad anymore. She was just very insecure and I think she was jealous of any potential for a positive relationship with this woman.

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lisaandalan · 06/12/2021 03:52

They are teenagers and their mother is rude by not telling them to have more respect for people who are good to them. Take no notice and get on with your relationship. X

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Justawaterformeplease · 06/12/2021 03:57

I remember friends of mine when we were 10 or so created a “we hate club” which we all joined. It was nothing personal in hindsight, more a reaction to change and uncertainty. Don’t worry about it!

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Darker · 06/12/2021 04:03

You were digging - what did you expect to hear? People such as your partners ex and his kids are quite likely to have mixed feelings about you and to say stuff that isn’t particularly nice but which they don’t really mean. It’s most likely letting off steam and having a laugh. We all say stuff about people that we wouldn’t want them to hear. They’d probably be mortified if you knew they’d said it.

If you get on with the teens day to day then just put this to one side and trust your instinct that the relationship is basically fine.

But why are you searching social media for info about your ex and pressing your sister for information? Just let it lie. You are in a relationship with her ex, and should respect her privacy.

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Wombatstew · 06/12/2021 04:20

Villagers make more of a huuummm haaaaaar sound than a laugh. They are not really a comical figure that are made fun of and a lot of players find them and their noises endearing. There is a video on you tube ‘one hour of villager sounds’ that has over 3 million views. So It might not be as bad a insult as you think Op although I do understand why you would be upset.
What a strange thing for the XW to be talking to a third party about though! Perhaps this is coming more from her than the DC.

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BurnedToast · 06/12/2021 04:34

I think you need to just leave it. The teens didn't expect it to get back to you, the mum sounds like she has her own issues given she's repeating this crap to an acquaintance (or does she know who your sister is perhaps?), Your sister was an arse for telling you and you are being weird by stalking ex on SM and then trying to find out more about her. Confused

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Camii · 06/12/2021 05:39

They may have said it when they first met you and were feeling uncomfortable etc as way to deflect and the ex tossed it out as a silly comment.
Honestly we said dreadful things when we met our step family and I love them all.
I don't blame you for being hurt but I would say it's normal teenage stuff not a secret hate campaign

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Gretaburley · 06/12/2021 06:06

This is what happens when you snoop.
My dsis is like you, she’s like a dog with a bone, won’t leave anything alone.
Move on. They’re teenagers and you should rise above it.
It hurts because they’ve touched on an insecurity of yours and that’s why you shouldn’t dig for information.

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GiltEdges · 06/12/2021 06:07

@WillThisUsernameDo

My sister really isn’t mean or spiteful in the least. We have a very honest relationship and when she said that the ex wife hadn’t been particularly complimentary I wanted to know how exactly and she reluctantly told me. I have absolutely no issue with my sister whatsoever.

Yes but the point is, she didn't need to tell you any of that. It's not like it was ever going to hell you, is it?
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Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 06:11

The weirdest person in this scenario is your sister

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Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 06:14

Op

I remember your thread last week about your DP saying there wasn’t a spark between you and that you didn’t look like your photos

Could it be that it’s your partner AND the boys saying these horrible things together?

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MyOtherProfile · 06/12/2021 06:14

I wouldn't blame your sis since you pushed, but I wouldn't hold it against the teens either. But I probably would do as pp suggested and refer to the villagers!

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Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 06:16

FGS

Your DP, the father of these boys said

* Then he tells me that he basically thought I was a dog and only saw me again because he hadn’t had a shag in ages and thought there might be a chance with me.*

Last week

Op - leave the relationship

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Marmelace · 06/12/2021 06:19

You were looking for gossip and heard something that upset you. Stop eavesdropping, nothing goof will ever come of it.

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Marmelace · 06/12/2021 06:20

Good not goof!

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PoshWatchShitShoes · 06/12/2021 06:27

My sister and I are in our 30's/40's. Our DF's gf has been on the scene for decades, we hate her.

Obviously we don't openly take the mick, but it's good to have the camaraderie between ourselves, both with a nickname and comedy accent. It's light relief for having to tolerate her!!

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Staryflight445 · 06/12/2021 06:28

Why didn’t your sister put her in her place?

So odd.

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/12/2021 06:32

You’d know if they hated you
And they certainly wouldn’t message you
My bet is they are saying mean things to please her primarily , and secondly because teenagers can be vile
But this sounds more like stuck between parents than hating you
Sit tight

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ivykaty44 · 06/12/2021 06:32

Far to many coincidences

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Pyewackect · 06/12/2021 06:40

They are just your B/F’s kids so I wouldn’t go out of my way to accommodate them in any way. I certainly wouldn’t spend money on them. And I’d come up with my own name for them, Beavis and Butthead probably, not that I’d tell them that but it would make me smile to myself. I know this may sound petty but I’d have the last laugh.

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YourenutsmiLord · 06/12/2021 06:40

Don't do anything - poor lads probably keeping in with a jealous DM.
Letting everyone know you know will make it embarrassing and on-going indefinitely for you all. You will be the one to lose out.

So what? kids making fun - be the grown up here.

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Kbyodjs · 06/12/2021 06:40

I’m a step parent and have done lots of reading around step parenting and I wonder if the issue here is that mum finds it difficult that you’re involved and due the boys loyalty to their mum they’ve created this to appease her rather than it being personally about you - if you think about it then it’s quite odd for the mum to be talking about you to people she doesn’t know especially to be unkind so that’s another sign that it bothers her.
I’d talk to your DP and let him talk to his boys and hopefully talk to his ex too about being positive about partners for the sake of their boys

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pictish · 06/12/2021 06:43

I know how embarrassed and dejected you must feel about this but you know…people (and teens in particular) can be cruel sometimes. I’m sure they like you perfectly well but this nickname amuses them. They won’t have intended for you to get wind of it. It won’t be an indication of how they feel about you in general.

It’s a shame you got to hearing this.

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